There’s a fine line between humility and self-deprecation.
Some people have a natural tendency to brush off compliments and downplay their achievements. But why?
Psychology tells us there are several traits common to those who instinctively deflect praise and belittle themselves.
And guess what? I’m going to walk you through seven of these traits.
So, ready to dive into the minds of those who can’t seem to accept a compliment without adding a “but…”? Let’s get started.
1) Overly modest
Let’s start with a scenario. You’ve just nailed a presentation at work and your colleagues are showering you with praise. But instead of accepting the compliments, you shrug them off and say something like, “It was nothing, anyone could have done it.”
Sound familiar?
This is a classic trait of people who deflect compliments and put themselves down – excessive modesty. They often underestimate their accomplishments and find it hard to accept praise.
According to psychology, this could stem from a fear of appearing arrogant or overconfident. But remember, there’s a big difference between arrogance and acknowledging your success.
Keep in mind, modesty is a virtue, yet in excess, it can become a barrier to self-improvement. Breaking this pattern requires acknowledging your achievements and accepting compliments graciously.
2) Insecure inner critic
I remember a time when I would deflect every compliment thrown my way, always responding with a negative comment about myself. “I did well on that project? Nah, it was just luck. I could have done better.”
This is a sign of an overactive inner critic, another trait common to people who habitually deflect compliments and put themselves down.
Psychology tells us this inner critic is often a result of insecurities and self-doubt, causing us to constantly question our abilities and achievements.
The key to overcoming this is to learn to quiet that negative voice in our heads and replace it with positive self-affirmations. It’s easier said than done, but trust me, it’s a game changer.
3) Fear of high expectations
Interestingly, the fear of high expectations can cause people to deflect compliments and downplay their abilities. The logic is simple: if you paint yourself as less competent or talented, you won’t be expected to perform at a high level in the future.
This behavior is often seen in individuals who have experienced significant pressure to succeed in their past. They associate recognition with increased expectations, which they fear they might not meet.
Understanding this link between fear and self-deprecation can be a step towards breaking the cycle. Instead of shying away from expectations, we can learn to embrace challenges and view them as opportunities for growth.
4) Lack of self-esteem
Self-esteem is the value we assign to ourselves. It’s about how much we like and appreciate ourselves, warts and all.
But people who constantly deflect compliments and belittle themselves often have low self-esteem. They struggle to see their own worth, making it difficult for them to believe the praise they receive.
Low self-esteem can be a tough nut to crack. But it’s not impossible. By practicing self-love and self-care, setting achievable goals, and surrounding ourselves with positive influences, we can slowly build up our self-esteem.
Remember, we all have value and every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves.
5) Struggle with perfectionism
I’ve always been a perfectionist, striving to get everything just right. But the downside? I was never satisfied with my achievements, always finding something to criticize.
Perfectionism is another trait that can lead to deflection of compliments. People with this trait often set incredibly high standards for themselves and fall into the trap of comparing their accomplishments with others.
The pursuit of perfection can be exhausting and unending, as perfection is subjective and often unattainable. Learning to embrace imperfections and understanding that mistakes are part of growth process, can help alleviate this constant struggle.
6) Difficulty trusting others
A less obvious trait of people who deflect compliments is their difficulty in trusting others. They may question the sincerity of the compliment, thinking, “Are they just saying that to be nice, or do they really mean it?”
This distrust can stem from past experiences, where praise was used as a manipulation tool, or where their trust was betrayed.
It’s important to note that not everyone has ulterior motives. Understanding that compliments can be genuine expressions of admiration or respect is a crucial step towards accepting them graciously.
7) Fear of vulnerability
At the root of deflecting compliments and self-deprecation often lies a fear of vulnerability. Accepting praise means acknowledging our strengths, which can make us feel exposed or open to criticism.
It’s human nature to protect ourselves from potential hurt, but in doing so, we might be missing out on genuine connections and growth opportunities.
Embracing vulnerability is not about weakness, it’s about courage. The courage to show up, be seen, and accept ourselves for who we truly are – strengths, flaws, and all.
