I still remember the day I realized I had been glossing over some essential life lessons. It was a rainy Tuesday morning (my coffee had gone cold, of course), and I found myself scrolling through social media, absorbing story after story of women finding clarity—sometimes in their 30s, 40s, or even beyond. A tiny voice in my head whispered: “Why didn’t they figure it out sooner?”
Of course, in my years of researching psychology and self-improvement for Blog Herald, I know the answer is rarely simple. Life is a series of trial-and-error moments, and sometimes these pivotal lessons don’t quite click until it’s almost “too late.” But here’s the thing: it’s never truly too late.
So, I decided to share nine lessons that, according to psychology, about 99% of women realize later than they would have liked. If you’re reading this, I hope these insights come just in time for you—or at the very least, provide some comforting validation that you’re far from alone in your journey.
1. Authenticity Is the Best Makeup You’ll Ever Wear
Picture this: you’re standing in front of the mirror, smoothing out a new foundation or blending in an expensive concealer, trying to present your “best face” to the world. On the surface, it sounds harmless—who doesn’t like feeling polished? But somewhere along the way, many of us learn to present a “socially acceptable” version of ourselves, burying our true feelings to avoid judgment.
Psychology teaches us about the concept of the “persona” (as Carl Jung famously called it)—the mask we wear in public to meet societal expectations. Over time, we can forget we’re wearing a mask at all.
The late-life realization many women have is that the more authentic you are, the happier you become. Jung once said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” That authenticity is more radiant than any product money can buy.
Early in my writing career, I believed I needed to mimic the style of more established writers. It took me ages to realize readers resonate more with genuine voices than polished pretenses. Realness is persuasive—and it’s the best way to build genuine connections.
2. Boundaries Protect the Best Parts of You
The word “boundaries” can sound harsh, almost like a fence you put up between you and others. But in truth, healthy boundaries are about protecting your emotional well-being.
When you establish a boundary—whether it’s saying no to after-work drinks when you’re exhausted, or limiting the time you spend with people who deplete your energy—you’re essentially saying yes to your own peace. Many women have spent so many years as caretakers, mediators, and helpers that the concept of saying no feels uncomfortable.
Assertive communication (a technique taught in cognitive behavioral therapy) encourages you to express your needs calmly and clearly, without aggression or apology. This fosters healthier relationships—and ironically, more respect from others—because they know where they stand with you.
It took me a while to realize that in order to pour from my cup, I actually needed something left in the cup. Setting boundaries creates that healthy reserve.
3. Happiness Is an Inside Job—Not a Destination
We grow up hearing about “happily ever after,” as if one big event—landing the dream job, meeting the perfect partner, or buying a dream home—will unlock perpetual bliss. Yet psychologists emphasize the concept of the “hedonic treadmill,” the tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness shortly after each positive event.
Translation? Happiness is not a final stop; it’s an active, ongoing state of mind. We are constantly in flux. It’s the day-to-day joys (a heartfelt conversation, a small achievement, the smell of fresh coffee) that truly sustain our sense of well-being.
In my personal journey, I remember thinking that landing a prominent writing gig would wipe all stress from my life. But guess what? Life kept happening—deadlines still hovered, personal challenges popped up, and laundry still needed folding. I had to learn, through trial and error, that my happiness is something I nurture daily—like a plant you water, not a mountain you climb once and conquer.
4. Embracing Imperfection Is Liberating
There’s a Japanese concept called wabi-sabi, celebrating the beauty in imperfection. This resonates deeply with a realization many women come to later in life: perfection is neither possible nor necessary. If you wait until everything is “perfect,” you risk waiting forever.
When I first launched Love Connection, I was paralyzed by perfectionism—every word, every color scheme, every social post had to be flawless. After losing sleep (and peace of mind) trying to maintain these impossible standards, I found out the hard way that “perfect” often equals unfinished.
Perfectionism can lead to anxiety, depression, and a stifling of creativity, as noted in numerous studies. Letting yourself be “good enough” frees you to explore, learn, and adapt. It’s far more fulfilling to release your talents into the world, flaws and all, than to keep them locked away, “unready.”
5. A Growth Mindset Changes Everything
Have you ever thought: “I’m just not cut out for this,” or “I’m a natural writer, math just isn’t my thing”? That’s what psychologists call a fixed mindset—the belief that your abilities are static. On the other hand, a growth mindset sees challenges as opportunities to improve and evolve.
Dr. Carol Dweck, who coined these terms, found that individuals with a growth mindset tend to rise above obstacles, viewing failure as a stepping stone rather than a dead-end sign. For many women, especially if they’ve spent years in certain “roles” (mom, caretaker, supportive spouse), adopting a growth mindset can revolutionize how they approach new endeavors.
When I switched from fixed to growth thinking in my writing career, I gave myself permission to fail and learn. Funny enough, that’s when my writing truly flourished.
6. Emotional Intelligence: The Real Superpower
Superpowers don’t always involve capes or laser vision. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, while also recognizing emotions in others. While IQ is important, EQ has been strongly linked with better relationships, career success, and overall mental health.
Studies by psychologists like Daniel Goleman show that emotional intelligence is a strong predictor of success in life. Why? Because it affects how we navigate conflict, make decisions, and interact with those around us.
But emotional intelligence also invites us to get real with our own feelings. A lot of women, including myself, were raised to be “nice” and please others. We learn too late that bottling up our own needs leads to frustration, resentment, or burnout. When you start tuning into your emotions rather than suppressing them, you form deeper connections—with yourself and with everyone around you.
7. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Survival
I used to think self-care was all about indulgent spa days, bubble baths, and face masks. Nice, sure, but not absolutely essential. Only when I found myself on the brink of a nervous breakdown—juggling deadlines, family obligations, and a million other tasks—did I realize how vital self-care really is.
Self-care can be as simple as a 10-minute walk in the morning sun to boost your mood (thank you, vitamin D!), or a mindful cup of tea where you focus on nothing but the warmth of the cup and the aroma of the leaves. Psychologists often recommend these micro-self-care moments to reduce stress and anxiety. They bring you back into the present moment, grounding you.
Far from being selfish, self-care helps you show up as a calmer, more balanced version of yourself, which benefits everyone around you.
8. Vulnerability Creates Real Connections
Most of us have been trained to keep a stiff upper lip in public. We think vulnerability is a weakness. But Dr. Brené Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability has shown that opening up—sharing your fears, your insecurities, your not-so-pretty emotions—actually fosters deeper trust and connection.
My biggest personal lesson in vulnerability came when I wrote an article about feeling like an impostor in my own field. I worried I’d lose credibility. Instead, I was inundated with messages from readers who felt relief, realizing they weren’t alone. This moment taught me that vulnerability isn’t about spilling your darkest secrets to every passerby—it’s about sharing authentically when the situation calls for it.
Vulnerability is powerful precisely because it’s risky. It’s also how you find your people—the ones who accept and value the real you.
9. Regret Grows in the Shadows of Inaction
If there’s one lesson that keeps women up at night, it’s the regret of not trying: not switching careers, not traveling, not saying “I love you,” or not daring to start that dream project. Research shows that, over time, we regret the things we didn’t do more than the mistakes we actually made.
In my own path, I delayed launching Love Connection for years, terrified it might flop. When I finally took the leap, yes, I made some cringe-worthy mistakes (my logo was a neon pink heart—I mean, we can laugh about it now). But I’ll never regret trying. Mistakes can be fixed; inaction only grows regret.
Motivation research tells us that meaningful goals stir up intrinsic motivation—an internal drive that propels you forward even when obstacles arise. Identifying what truly lights you up can diminish your fear of failure, because not pursuing your calling becomes a bigger risk than trying and stumbling.
