We often throw around certain phrases without thinking about what they really convey.
But if you pay attention closely—both to yourself and others—you might notice that some words betray deeper feelings lurking underneath.
Throughout my years as a relationship counselor, I’ve noticed common phrases that can point to a lack of self-esteem or a nagging fear of being judged.
Our words can be a window into our deepest insecurities—even when we don’t mean them to be.
And trust me, I’ve seen it in action: from clients who wonder why their colleagues don’t seem to take them seriously, to friends who struggle with assertiveness in their relationships, and even in my own reflections.
It’s amazing how easily the language we choose can tell on us. If you’re curious (and a little brave), let’s explore five things people say that psychologists often tie to deeper insecurities.
Let’s dig right in.
1. “I’m probably overthinking this, but…”
Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve used this phrase during an important conversation or even a casual chat.
Here’s why it stands out to me: if you’re prefacing your opinion with “I’m probably overthinking this,” you might be waving a giant red flag that says, “I doubt my own thoughts.”
Why does this matter? Because it instantly undermines your credibility—both in your own mind and to the person you’re speaking with.
As social psychologist Amy Cuddy has noted, our nonverbal and verbal cues shape how others see us and how we see ourselves. When we label our thoughts as overthinking, we convey hesitation and a lack of confidence.
The kicker is that this phrase can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By apologizing or second-guessing your contributions, you turn your insights into something less valuable—at least in the eyes of the people listening. Plus, this mindset can make you reluctant to share ideas at all.
If you want to break the habit, start by simply stating what’s on your mind—no unnecessary disclaimers. Instead of “I’m probably overthinking this, but I think we should move up the deadline,” try “Here’s an idea about our timeline…”
You might be surprised how empowering it feels to own your perspective.
2. “I know this sounds silly, but…”
How many times have you heard someone (or maybe yourself) start a sentence with, “This might be silly, but…” or “I’m sure you’ll think this is ridiculous, but…”?
This phrase is nearly identical to “I’m probably overthinking this” in how it telegraphs a lack of confidence.
It’s basically offering your thoughts on a platter of self-doubt, making it easy for others to dismiss them.
The saddest part is that the idea being labeled “silly” often isn’t silly at all—maybe it’s just new or creative or requires a leap of faith.
As Michelle Obama once said, “Your success will be determined by your own confidence and fortitude.” When you cloak an idea in disclaimers, you squash that confidence.
So next time you catch yourself about to call your own idea silly, pause. Ask yourself: Why do I think it’s silly? Is it truly silly, or am I just scared of being judged?
A moment of reflection can shift the entire dynamic of a conversation.
3. “No one really cares what I have to say.”
In my counseling practice, I often hear people lament that their viewpoints aren’t important or that no one really cares what they have to contribute.
It breaks my heart because it usually isn’t true. Yes, there are times people can be dismissive or uninterested, but assuming no one ever cares turns into a self-defeating belief.
This phrase reveals a core insecurity: the fear of being invisible or unworthy of attention. It’s something that can develop after repeated instances of feeling unheard—maybe during childhood or in certain toxic relationships.
Over time, you internalize the idea that your words lack value.
But let me tell you this: Each of us has insights worth sharing. Sure, not everyone will cheer for you or pat you on the back, but that doesn’t mean your voice is worthless.
As Brené Brown famously put it, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” It applies to speaking up, too.
If you tend to say or think “No one cares what I have to say,” try flipping the script. Even if you feel uncertain, remind yourself that your experiences and viewpoints matter.
You have every right to be heard, even if you end up disagreeing with people or facing criticism. And if someone truly doesn’t care, they aren’t your audience anyway.
4. “Sorry…sorry…sorry!”
I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every time a client told me, “I’m sorry, I talk too much,” or “Sorry, I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Over-apologizing might sound harmless, but in my experience, it’s a common sign of deeper insecurity.
Of course, genuine apologies are essential when we mess up.
But constantly apologizing—especially for things that aren’t really mistakes—sends the message that you don’t feel deserving of space, time, or even emotions.
You might have read my post on how over-apologizing can also train your brain to place blame where none exists. If you blame yourself automatically, your self-worth can take a beating.
And let’s be real—people tend to respect someone who speaks honestly without feeling the need to constantly grovel.
So here’s a gentle challenge: Try replacing an unnecessary “I’m sorry” with something else. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for talking too much,” say, “Thank you for listening.”
Rather than “I’m sorry for needing help,” say, “I really appreciate your support.”
Notice how the shift changes the energy of the interaction. It’s amazing how a small tweak in phrasing can increase your sense of self-worth.
5. “It’s not a big deal.”
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list. Anyway…
Have you ever achieved something significant—like completing a tough project at work, hitting a personal goal, or even just showing up consistently for a healthy habit—only to shrug it off and say, “It’s not a big deal”?
In my own life, I used to do this when I finished a particularly challenging group therapy workshop.
I remember a friend congratulating me for the effort I put in, and I was quick to downplay it: “Oh, it’s nothing, really.” But it wasn’t nothing. It took hours of research, emotional labor, and planning. I should have been celebrating instead of brushing it under the rug.
This habit can be linked to something psychologists call “impostor syndrome,” where you doubt your accomplishments and fear being exposed as a “fraud.”
When you say “It’s not a big deal,” you can rob yourself of the chance to acknowledge your hard work. Moreover, it signals to others that they don’t have to take your achievements seriously, either.
One way to counteract this is by practicing gratitude for your own efforts. After all, confidence doesn’t come from acting arrogant—it comes from recognizing your worth.
Next time someone acknowledges you, try a gracious, “Thank you. I’m really proud of this achievement,” and see how it feels. I promise you won’t look boastful. If anything, it’ll show that you respect yourself.
Final thoughts
Language is powerful, friends. Words can build us up or tear us down—and they can certainly reveal what’s going on beneath the surface.
If you caught yourself nodding along to any of these phrases, don’t panic. Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step to changing them.
Remember, insecurity isn’t a life sentence. As I talk about in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, you can overcome unhelpful thought processes and create more empowering perspectives.
It’s all about recognizing the limiting beliefs you’ve held onto—and gradually replacing them with healthier self-talk.
If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out to a trusted friend or a mental health professional who can offer guidance. Here at DM News, we’re big fans of seeking the support you need to thrive.
And don’t forget: building self-confidence isn’t about bulldozing everyone around you. It’s about granting yourself the same respect and consideration you’d give a dear friend.
So the next time one of these phrases slips off your tongue, pause, take a breath, and consider whether you want to say something that truly reflects how valuable you—and your ideas—really are.
You’ve got a voice worth hearing. Embrace it.
