6 habits of people who turn pain into power (according to psychology)

I’ve often wondered how some folks manage to emerge stronger after life throws them a curveball.

It’s like no matter how heavy their burden is, they find a spark that propels them forward.

Over the years, through my own stumbles and psychological studies, I’ve noticed common threads in how resilient people operate.

They’re not immune to heartache or frustration, but they respond in a way that transforms hurt into something constructive.

Here at DM News, I want to share six habits that I’ve seen time and again in these remarkable individuals.

They’re straightforward, backed by research, and doable in everyday life.

1. They reframe their story

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why does this always happen to me?”I used to get stuck in that loop whenever something disappointing occurred.

But people who turn pain into power are masters at reframing.

Instead of seeing a setback as a dead-end, they view it as a plot twist in a bigger story.

From a psychological standpoint, reframing helps shift our perspective from victimhood to growth. It’s a technique grounded in cognitive-behavioral therapy, where we challenge negative thoughts and reshape them.

In my own life, this looked like asking: “What can this teach me?” At first, it felt awkward, almost forced.

Then, slowly, my mind started presenting solutions instead of dwelling on the problem. I noticed I became more open to possibilities and less weighed down by what went wrong.

If you’re new to reframing, try writing down a painful event in your journal. Next, highlight any lesson or skill you might take away from it.

It doesn’t have to be life-altering. Sometimes, just learning you’re strong enough to face the day is victory enough.

Over time, this reframing becomes second nature, helping you see even challenging moments as building blocks for future success.

2. They practice self-compassion

For the longest time, I believed that being hard on myself was the only way to push forward.

If I messed up, I’d mentally scold myself as if I were a strict coach on the sidelines.

Then, through my psychology background, I realized self-compassion actually boosts resilience.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, found that kindness toward oneself promotes emotional stability.

Instead of berating themselves, resilient people offer inner encouragement. They recognize that everyone struggles and that personal flaws don’t make them unworthy.

I remember one tough phase in my life where I felt like a failure. It was only when I switched my self-talk—“You’re doing your best given the circumstances”—that I noticed a positive shift.

Offering myself compassion didn’t mean I was making excuses. It meant I was giving myself space to heal and move on productively.

If you’re tempted to criticize yourself harshly, pause. Ask if you’d speak to a close friend that way. Give yourself the same level of empathy you’d offer someone you care about.

It’s a small habit that can reshape how you bounce back from setbacks.

3. They allow themselves to be vulnerable

I used to dread letting people see me struggle. I worried that it’d make me look weak or incapable.

But the more I explored emotional well-being, the more I realized vulnerability is a strength.

Brené Brown’s research highlights how vulnerability fosters connection and propels personal growth.

When we hide our hurt, we’re effectively shutting out support and perspective. People who harness pain openly seek help or admit when they’re feeling low.

This honest approach creates space for genuine insight and feedback. Plus, vulnerability is liberating: when you voice your struggles, they become less of a secret shame.

I found that talking to a trusted friend or therapist lessened the emotional load. It also reminded me I wasn’t alone in my battles.

If you’ve never tried it, start small: share one difficult feeling with someone who’s safe and empathetic. Notice how it lightens the weight on your shoulders.

Vulnerability doesn’t fix everything overnight, but it removes the isolation that often intensifies our pain.

And from there, you can redirect that emotional energy into finding solutions and growing stronger.

4. They stay curious and keep learning

One trait I’ve noticed in people who bounce back well is their hunger for knowledge. They don’t accept failure as a final verdict; they see it as a chance to learn.

This is closely related to the concept of a growth mindset, popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck.

A growth mindset means seeing abilities and intelligence as flexible, shaped by effort and practice.

I used to freeze up when I didn’t know something, especially if it felt intimidating. But watching resilient people tackle challenges with openness inspired me to do the same.

They read books, watch tutorials, or even take a short course to address gaps in their knowledge. They don’t let uncertainty or initial failure become a permanent roadblock.

For example, if someone experiences heartbreak, they might explore relationship dynamics to understand patterns.

Or if they fail at a career goal, they’ll study new strategies or seek mentors.

This proactive approach transforms painful experiences into stepping stones. You don’t have to master everything at once.

Even small, consistent efforts to learn can spark ideas and solutions you never thought were possible.

And that alone can fuel a sense of empowerment that keeps you moving forward.

5. They build a support system (and use it)

There was a time in my life when I thought I had to handle every problem on my own.

I believed that independence meant self-sufficiency, no matter how tough things got.

Later, I discovered how crucial it is to have people around who genuinely care. This could be friends, family, mentors, or even online communities.

When we’re hurting, it’s natural to want to retreat and hide.

But the most resilient people reach out instead. They don’t wait until their pain turns into overwhelming despair. They connect with someone who can offer a listening ear or practical help.

From a psychological angle, having supportive relationships strengthens our ability to cope under stress.

Studies show that social support can buffer the impact of traumatic events.

For me, simply texting a trusted friend to share a low moment felt like relief. It wasn’t about dumping problems on them but about not suffering in silence.

In times when we feel most alone, realizing there’s someone who understands can be transformative. If your circle is small, consider a support group or a community workshop.

Even one person who believes in you can shift your perspective. That sense of belonging energizes you to channel your pain into meaningful action.

6. They set purpose-driven goals

I once read that having a reason “why” can carry you through almost any “how.” This resonates deeply with how people convert pain into motivation.

They don’t just set random aims; they choose goals that resonate with their core values. Whether it’s helping others, mastering a skill, or living authentically, they have a guiding beacon.

Pain often highlights what truly matters, acting like a compass that points you toward your deeper desires.

In my case, a challenging breakup ignited my passion for understanding emotional well-being. That purpose helped me push through tough days because I felt my efforts mattered on a bigger scale.

Goals anchored in personal meaning boost intrinsic motivation. It’s no longer about external validation or quick fixes. It’s about aligning with something that speaks to your heart.

You might try writing down one goal that ties directly to a significant pain point. Ask yourself: “What can this struggle inspire me to do?”

Keep that goal visible—a note on the fridge, a reminder on your phone. It’ll help redirect your focus when old hurts threaten to slow you down.

Pain, in that sense, becomes a catalyst. And once you’re fueled by genuine purpose, your resilience grows exponentially.

Conclusion

Learning how to turn pain into power is a journey. It’s about adopting habits that gradually transform your mindset and approach to adversity.

I’ve found that reframing, self-compassion, vulnerability, curiosity, community support, and purpose-driven goals create a strong foundation for growth.

They’re not quick fixes, but simple, consistent practices that help you bounce back.

The beauty of it is, you don’t have to be extraordinary to do any of this. You just need to be willing to explore a new way of thinking and acting.

I hope these insights give you a starting point.

And remember, every step you take is worth celebrating, because you’re learning how to harness your pain in a powerful, life-changing way.