- Tension: Receiving a compliment can feel unsettling for those who grew up feeling unseen, triggering internal doubts about their worthiness and leading to discomfort or deflection.
- Noise: Society often equates humility with downplaying praise, reinforcing the idea that accepting compliments is boastful or self-centered.
- Direct Message: Embracing compliments with gratitude is a step toward healing past invisibility, affirming one’s value, and fostering genuine self-acceptance.
This article follows the Direct Message methodology, designed to cut through the noise and reveal the deeper truths behind the stories we live.
I remember the first time someone gave me a genuine compliment, and my first instinct was to laugh it off.
A friend told me, “You’re really good at this,” but instead of graciously accepting it, I felt uncomfortable—like there was a spotlight on me that I wasn’t prepared for.
Growing up, I didn’t always realize how much certain childhood experiences can shape how we handle even the simplest interactions, like compliments.
If you’ve ever found yourself squirming or waving away praise, you’re not alone.
Many of us who felt overlooked or unseen while growing up develop specific patterns when someone points out something positive about us.
Below, I’ll explore nine things people who grew up feeling invisible often do upon receiving a compliment.
1. They downplay the compliment
Have you ever responded to a compliment with something like, “Oh, it’s really no big deal,” or “I just got lucky”?
I used to be the queen of these statements.
It almost felt safer to brush off any praise because deep down, I wasn’t sure if I deserved it.
When you spend years feeling like your accomplishments go unnoticed, a compliment can feel foreign—like it’s directed at someone else.
The reflex is to shrink away. Instead of letting the good words sink in, you minimize them.
In my own journey, I realized that downplaying positive feedback was a way to protect myself from disappointment.
If I didn’t fully absorb the compliment, then I couldn’t be hurt later if someone changed their mind.
But with each dismissal, I was also chipping away at my own self-worth.
2. They joke in response
Sometimes, rather than outright ignoring a compliment, people who grew up feeling unseen lean on humor.
Maybe you’ve heard someone say, “Ha! You must be delirious,” or “Don’t flatter me too much, or my head will explode.”
I catch myself doing this occasionally, even now.
A friend will say, “That was such a thoughtful gift,” and I’ll reply with, “Well, don’t get used to it!” We both laugh, but deep down, I know I’m dodging genuine appreciation.
Using jokes is a clever method to redirect attention. Sure, it might keep the mood light, but it can also create a barrier.
We’re not really letting ourselves feel the warmth behind someone’s kind words.
If you find yourself using humor as a shield, you might want to ask: What am I afraid of feeling?
3. They return the compliment immediately
Have you ever noticed yourself or someone else quickly firing back with, “Oh, stop—you’re the amazing one!”?
On the surface, it feels gracious.
But sometimes, it’s a sign of discomfort. People who grew up feeling unseen often feel indebted when someone recognizes them.
They may think, If someone praises me, I have to instantly praise them back, as though receiving a compliment alone is too much.
I’ve definitely been in situations where I felt compelled to compliment the other person more enthusiastically.
It’s like I wanted to balance out the playing field or prove I wasn’t “too full of myself.” But in doing so, I wasn’t truly accepting their kind words—I was deflecting them.
I’ve learned there’s nothing wrong with simply saying, “Thank you, I really appreciate that.”
It might feel awkward at first, but it gives you a moment to internalize that positive energy instead of bouncing it away.
4. They overthink the motive
Another common reaction is feeling suspicious about why someone is complimenting you in the first place.
“Do they want something from me?” “Are they just saying this to be polite?” These doubts can crop up when you’re not used to genuine praise.
At one point, I was certain people were either pitying me or trying to manipulate me whenever they said something kind.
Looking back, I realize it was my own self-doubt talking.
It’s as if a part of me was convinced I wasn’t worthy of someone’s good opinion, so I had to find an alternate explanation for their words.
Overthinking can become a cycle. When you’ve spent a big chunk of your childhood feeling overlooked or overshadowed, you might become hypervigilant.
Compliments then feel suspicious instead of uplifting.
Gradually, letting go of that suspicion opens the door to healthier, more trusting interactions.
5. They feel overwhelmed by a rush of emotions
Ever have your heart pound a little faster when someone praises you?
Maybe your face heats up, and you can’t quite form the right words to respond.
For some, it’s not about disbelief or suspicion—it’s about being emotionally flooded.
Being noticed in a positive way can stir up deep-seated emotions if you’re used to being overlooked.
That sudden spotlight of admiration can make you feel exposed, bringing up memories of all the times you yearned for recognition but didn’t get it.
In that moment, your brain might scramble between happiness, relief, and lingering uncertainty.
I’ve learned to pause and take a breath when this happens.
Letting yourself feel a compliment—without panicking—takes practice.
A quick grounding exercise, like pressing your feet into the floor or taking a deep breath, can help you stay present and genuinely accept the kind words instead of getting lost in emotional turbulence.
6. They try to justify their accomplishments
When I first started freelancing, I’d sometimes get positive feedback from clients.
Rather than a simple “Thank you,” I’d launch into a detailed explanation: “Oh, I had a really easy project schedule,” or “I got guidance from a friend, so I can’t take all the credit.”
Even if there was some truth in it, the underlying message I sent was that I couldn’t possibly own my success.
Justifying your achievements is often tied to feeling unworthy.
People who grew up feeling unseen may feel more comfortable giving external reasons for their accomplishments, as though they’re not truly capable on their own.
Here at DM News, we believe that acknowledging your skills and hard work doesn’t make you arrogant—it makes you honest.
Embracing your strengths is an important step toward developing the confidence that might have been missing in your early years.
7. They feel a twinge of guilt
It took me a while to recognize guilt as a response to compliments.
I’d feel almost bad for receiving praise—like I was taking something I hadn’t earned. Sometimes, I’d even wonder if someone else deserved that acknowledgment more.
Guilt can stem from deeply rooted beliefs about worthiness.
When you’re accustomed to being overlooked, it can feel strange or even “wrong” to suddenly be singled out for something good.
This might lead you to unconsciously sabotage future opportunities for recognition.
If you can relate, try to focus on the intention behind the compliment.
It’s rarely about putting you on a pedestal; it’s a genuine acknowledgment of something that person appreciates in you.
Allowing yourself to receive that positivity is not only healthy for your self-esteem, but it also deepens the connection you share with others.
8. They avoid eye contact
Sometimes, the simplest act—like maintaining eye contact—can be challenging if you grew up feeling invisible.
When someone looks you in the eye and says, “You did a fantastic job,” it can feel like too much direct attention.
I’ve noticed my own gaze darting around the room when someone gives me a compliment I wasn’t expecting.
It’s almost as though I’m trying to escape the moment because it’s unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
Eye contact is a form of connection.
Avoiding it can be a defense mechanism—a way to shield yourself from feeling vulnerable.
However, practicing holding eye contact, even just for a couple of seconds, can help you develop a greater sense of assurance. It’s a subtle but powerful shift that says, “I see you seeing me, and I accept what you’re saying.”
9. They shift the focus back to the other person
A classic strategy among those who grew up feeling unseen is to pivot the spotlight quickly.
When someone offers a compliment, they instantly ask a question about the other person or redirect the conversation.
It might sound like, “Thanks! So how’s your new job going?” Or, “Oh wow, enough about me—tell me more about you!”
This reflex can be rooted in a genuine desire to show interest in the other person. But more often, it’s an escape from a moment of vulnerability.
When you’re not used to being the center of positive attention, any praise can feel like an interrogation light.
I still catch myself doing this, particularly in group settings. I’ll receive a compliment, and within seconds, I’ll steer the conversation away from myself.
While it’s wonderful to be interested in others, it’s also healthy to take a moment and just let yourself be appreciated.
Conclusion
Learning how to accept a compliment gracefully can be a surprising challenge.
If you grew up feeling invisible, the sudden spotlight can trigger a jumble of emotions, from suspicion to guilt.
Maybe you find it easier to dodge, deflect, or return the compliment rather than let it sink in.
I’ve learned there’s real power in pausing, breathing, and allowing myself to feel gratitude when praised.
It’s a small act of self-acknowledgment, yet it can bring profound shifts in how we see ourselves and how we connect with others.
Give it a try—next time someone says something nice about you, just say “Thank you.”
Notice what that does for your sense of self. Over time, receiving a kind word can start to feel less awkward and more like a gentle reminder of your worth.
Here at DM News, we believe everyone deserves to feel seen—and sometimes, that journey begins by letting someone’s positive words truly land.
