I used to think trust issues were something only people who went through very dramatic experiences had to deal with.
But the more I talk to friends—and readers here at DM News—the more I realize how subtle childhood dynamics can seriously impact the way we form (or struggle to form) solid connections.
Looking back at my own upbringing, I’m grateful my parents encouraged open conversations.
Still, I can’t help but notice how even small events or well-intentioned mistakes from our childhood can echo into our adult relationships. If you suspect that childhood experiences are making it harder to trust people, you’re not alone.
Here are six parenting behaviors that, in my view, often lead to issues with trust later in life.
1. They withheld affection or showed love conditionally
One of my best friends grew up in a household where she only got praise when she aced her exams.
If she didn’t bring home top grades, her parents barely acknowledged her.
She’d come to my place, see my parents give me random hugs just because, and say, “Wow, your parents actually like you for being you.”
Being shown love in a conditional way can lead you to believe that people will only care for you if you’re constantly achieving or meeting some standard.
As an adult, you might fear that any misstep will cause someone to withdraw affection or leave. Some people respond by clinging too tightly in relationships, while others withdraw, never letting themselves rely on anyone.
In either scenario, the underlying worry is the same: “If I’m not perfect, I’ll lose them.”
2. They violated your privacy or personal boundaries
I remember being mortified when a relative snooped through my diary and mentioned one of my private thoughts in casual conversation.
It wasn’t even my parent, but that violation of personal space stuck with me.
If your parents regularly invaded your privacy—reading your texts or listening to your phone calls—it teaches you early on that opening up might be risky.
The result is that you may become guarded, afraid to share deeper parts of yourself.
If you grew up believing you had no private corner of your life, you might also struggle to recognize or respect other people’s boundaries.
The concept of healthy limits may feel foreign, leading to blurred lines in adult relationships where mistrust can easily grow.
3. They minimized or invalidated your feelings
Plenty of people recall a parent saying “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal” or “Why are you so sensitive?”
Sometimes, this might just be an offhand remark. But if it was a consistent pattern, you could’ve internalized the message that your emotions weren’t valid or that you were making a fuss over nothing.
In my early twenties, I caught myself apologizing every time I felt strongly about something.
Whether it was disappointment at work or frustration over a personal goal, I’d say, “Sorry, I’m just being emotional.” It wasn’t until I revisited Rudá Iandê’s Free Your Mind masterclass that I realized how deeply those childhood dismissals had shaped me.
I’ve mentioned this course before—it really helped me challenge the belief that my feelings were somehow “too much.” The exercises encouraged me to accept every emotion as a natural response, which was such a relief.
When you start honoring your own feelings, you gradually learn to trust yourself, which can lay the groundwork for trusting others.
4. They made promises but rarely followed through
Broken promises might seem small at first—like a canceled trip to the amusement park—but if it became a frequent pattern, it could leave a mark.
Each letdown chips away at your faith that people do what they say they’ll do. Maybe a parent repeatedly promised to show up at your play or competition and didn’t come.
Over time, you learn to expect that “no one’s really going to follow through,” and you might stop relying on people altogether.
One friend of mine had a father who rarely kept visitation appointments.
She’d watch the clock, waiting by the window, only to realize he wasn’t coming. As an adult, she struggled to believe that friends, coworkers, or romantic partners would be there for her when it counted.
It took her a long time to realize how much that sense of perpetual disappointment shaped her view of relationships.
Rebuilding trust in others starts with giving them small opportunities to show you they’re reliable—baby steps can lead to bigger changes over time.
5. They used manipulation or guilt as a parenting tactic
Maybe you heard phrases like “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” or had gifts taken back whenever you didn’t meet certain expectations.
Some parents resort to guilt trips or silent treatments, and a child raised in that environment might learn that love is always conditional and can be used as leverage.
If you grew up in this kind of dynamic, you might feel a constant need to please people, fearing that any disagreement will cause love or support to be revoked.
Or you might swing the other way and become fiercely independent, refusing to let anyone get close enough to manipulate you. Neither extreme is truly conducive to healthy, trusting bonds.
Recognizing manipulative patterns—especially if you find yourself repeating them—is a vital step in breaking the cycle.
6. They discouraged open communication
In many households, kids hear “Because I said so” whenever they ask a genuine question. There’s no room for dialogue or exploration.
If you were raised where speaking up got you a stern lecture (or worse), you might have learned to keep your opinions to yourself.
As a result, being transparent with others feels unnatural or even unsafe.
This can lead to either total silence when conflicts arise or an explosive communication style, because you never learned how to balance honesty and tact.
The truth is, healthy relationships thrive on open conversations—being able to express what’s going on without fear of punishment.
If you grew up with parents who shut down every question or concern, it might take time to practice vulnerability and trust that another person wants to hear your thoughts.
Conclusion
It’s fascinating to see how deep the roots of trust can go, and how a parent’s behavior—however unintentional—can leave lingering doubts that shape our adult relationships.
None of us have perfect parents, and no household is without flaws. But acknowledging the link between these early experiences and our current struggles is the first step toward healing.
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, I hope this has given you some insight and reassurance that you’re not overreacting or “too damaged.”
We can all learn new ways to approach trust, whether through therapy, workshops, or simple honest conversations with people we care about. Here at DM News, we believe self-awareness is a powerful catalyst for growth.
So be patient with yourself as you reframe the lessons you learned in childhood. Trust—both in yourself and in others—can be rebuilt, one honest moment at a time.
