Growing up in an emotionally unpredictable environment can leave its mark on us, says psychology. These experiences shape our behaviors in ways we don’t always understand.
These behaviors are not random, but are responses to the chaos and unpredictability we experienced in our formative years.
Psychology has identified seven specific behaviors commonly exhibited by people who have lived through such turmoil. Here’s a closer look at what these behaviors are and why they emerge.
This article is all about understanding the impact of an unstable emotional environment on our behavior. Keep reading to gain a better understanding of how your past might be influencing your present.
1) Hypervigilance
An emotionally unpredictable environment often results in a behavior called hypervigilance.
This is a term used by psychologists to describe a state of heightened awareness, where an individual is constantly on the lookout for signs of danger. It’s like living in a constant state of “fight or flight”.
In an unpredictable emotional environment, this might mean being overly alert to the moods and reactions of others, trying to anticipate and avoid potential conflict.
As famous psychologist Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”. In this context, hypervigilance may reflect the individual’s experiences and their attempts to understand and navigate their unpredictable environment.
But it’s important to remember that while this behavior may have been a survival mechanism in an unstable past, it can create stress and anxiety in the present.
Understanding and acknowledging this behavior is the first step towards addressing it.
2) Difficulty trusting others
Another common behavior stemming from an unpredictable emotional environment is difficulty in trusting others.
I can personally vouch for this one. Growing up, I never knew when my parents’ moods would shift, creating a minefield of emotions. As a result, I found it hard to trust people, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The famous psychologist, Erik Erikson, who developed the theory of psychosocial development, emphasized the importance of trust in our early years.
He said, “Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive… If life is to be sustained, hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.”
In unpredictable environments, that essential trust can be impaired. We grow up with the understanding that those who should protect us might not always do so. This can cast a long shadow over our relationships and interactions as adults.
Recognizing this pattern of behavior is crucial for fostering healthier relationships and rebuilding trust.
3) Emotional suppression
Have you ever found yourself holding back your emotions, almost instinctively?
Emotion suppression is a common behavior among those of us who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments. It’s a protective mechanism – if we don’t show our feelings, we can’t be hurt, right?
I remember countless times where I bottled up my feelings, fearing the unpredictable reactions they might provoke. It was safer to stay quiet, to suppress my emotions, than risk an emotional explosion.
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, famously said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” How right he was.
As adults, this suppression can lead to emotional outbursts or worse, deep-seated emotional numbness. It’s a brave act to begin expressing these buried emotions and acknowledging the impact of our past environments.
4) Fear of abandonment
One behavior that often stems from unpredictable emotional environments is the fear of abandonment.
This fear can manifest in many different ways – from clinginess in relationships, to pushing people away before they have the chance to leave. It’s a protective mechanism, an attempt to avoid the pain of being left behind.
A study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders found that fear of abandonment is significantly higher in individuals who have experienced emotional instability during childhood.
The study highlighted how these early experiences can lead to continuous anxiety about the stability of one’s relationships in adulthood. This fear can be debilitating, creating constant worry and stress.
Recognizing and understanding this fear is a critical step towards healing and developing healthier, more secure relationships.
5) Difficulty setting boundaries
When you grow up in an emotionally unpredictable environment, knowing how to set boundaries can be a real challenge.
I remember feeling that my needs and feelings were often overlooked or dismissed. As a result, I struggled with understanding my own limits and asserting my needs in relationships.
Setting boundaries is about respecting our own needs and communicating them effectively with others. However, when the emotional landscape of our upbringing was chaotic, it can feel risky, even threatening, to assert these needs.
The renowned psychologist Albert Bandura said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.” And indeed, setting boundaries is an act of self-efficacy and resilience.
Learning to set boundaries is a journey that takes time and practice. But it’s worth it – for our mental health, our relationships, and most importantly, for ourselves.
6) Overcompensation
Contrary to what one might expect, growing up in an emotionally unpredictable environment can sometimes lead to overcompensation in adulthood.
Instead of being emotionally guarded, some of us become excessively generous, always putting others’ needs before our own. We try to be the person who is always there for others, even at the cost of neglecting our own emotional well-being.
This overcompensation is a way of seeking approval and acceptance that was often lacking in our unstable past.
The well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” And it’s true; recognizing this pattern is the first step towards finding a balance between caring for others and caring for ourselves.
Being there for others is a beautiful thing, but not when it comes at the cost of our own emotional health. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to prioritize ourselves sometimes.
7) Perfectionism
Finally, another behavior that can stem from an uncertain emotional environment is perfectionism.
Striving for perfection can be an attempt to regain control in a chaotic world. If we do everything perfectly, we might avoid criticism or rejection.
As psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” Recognizing perfectionism as a response to past instability can help us learn, change, and let go of unrealistic expectations.
Perfection is an illusion. Embracing our imperfections is part of embracing our authentic selves.
Final reflections
The intricate web of our behaviors and reactions is deeply intertwined with the environment we grew up in.
Growing up in an emotionally unpredictable environment can shape us in ways we often don’t fully understand. It can lead us to develop behaviors like hypervigilance, difficulty trusting others, emotional suppression, fear of abandonment, difficulty setting boundaries, overcompensation, and perfectionism.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards understanding ourselves better. It’s about acknowledging our past and its impact on our present.
But remember, we are not defined by our past. We have the ability to learn, grow, and change. We can take these insights and use them as a catalyst for personal growth and transformation.
So let’s embrace this journey of self-discovery and healing. Let’s use our understanding to build a healthier relationship with ourselves and others. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about where we came from but who we choose to become.
