When our parents nagged us, we knew they cared. When they disciplined us, we knew it was for our own good.
Family values, right?
But it’s not always black and white. The baby boomer generation grew up with certain values that they’ve passed down to us.
And while some of them are still useful, not all of them gel with the world we live in today.
For younger generations, unlearning these old-school values is a challenge.
But some of us are trying – and we’re finding that it’s a process that’s not only necessary but freeing.
Let’s dive into these eight family values from the boomers that we’re now trying to shake off.
1) “Respect your elders, no matter what”
Growing up, we were told to respect our elders, period. No ifs, no buts.
It was a blanket rule that brooked no argument and demanded obedience.
But here’s the thing: respect is a two-way street. It’s not something that should be given automatically just because someone is older.
Respect should be earned, regardless of age, status or relation.
Younger generations are now starting to question this value. We’re learning to respect people based on their actions and character, rather than blindly following an age-old rule.
Sounds fair, doesn’t it?
2) “Don’t talk back”
I vividly remember my mom saying “don’t talk back” whenever she laid down the law.
Back then, voicing a different opinion, or merely trying to explain your point of view, was seen as disrespectful.
But here’s what I’ve come to realize: voicing our thoughts is how we engage in meaningful conversations. It’s how we learn from each other and grow.
Nowadays, I encourage my kids to “talk back”. Not in a disrespectful way, of course, but in a way that allows them to express their thoughts and feelings.
Does it make parenting harder? Absolutely.
But it also makes it more rewarding because I get to truly understand my children and help them navigate their thoughts.
We’re unlearning the “don’t talk back” rule and embracing open communication. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it!
3) “Work hard, play later”
The boomer’s mantra of “work hard, play later” championed the idea of delayed gratification.
The concept was simple – put in the hard yards now, and you’ll reap the rewards later.
But recent research has shown that this approach may not be as beneficial as it’s made out to be. Studies have found that taking regular breaks can actually boost productivity and enhance creativity.
Younger generations are now trying to unlearn this value. We’re embracing a more balanced approach to life, where work and play aren’t mutually exclusive but part of a whole.
Work hard, yes. But also remember to take a breather and enjoy life in the here and now.
4) “Success is defined by money and status”
Growing up, many of us were led to believe that success was defined by how much money we made or the status we held.
The bigger the house, the fancier the car, the higher up the corporate ladder we climbed, the more successful we were considered.
But times are changing. Younger generations are now redefining what success means to them.
Many of us are valuing experiences over material possessions and prioritizing personal growth and happiness over societal norms.
We’re unlearning the old definition of success and creating our own.
Success is personal and subjective, and it’s time we recognized that.
5) “Follow the traditional path”
I remember when I told my parents that I didn’t want to go to college right after high school.
The look on their faces was a mix of confusion and disappointment. It was as if I had broken some unspoken rule.
For boomers, life was supposed to follow a certain path – finish school, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids…you get the drift.
But I, along with many others in my generation, am trying to unlearn this ‘set path’.
Life isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s unique for each of us, and we should be free to explore our own paths.
We’re learning that it’s okay to take detours, to take our time, and to do things in our own way. After all, it’s our journey to make.
6) “Keeping up appearances”
Boomers believed in maintaining a certain image or facade for the sake of society.
The house had to be spotless when guests came over, personal problems were kept behind closed doors, and emotions were often bottled up.
But what we’re realizing now is that this obsession with appearances can be quite harmful.
It can lead to stress, anxiety and even mental health issues.
Younger generations are now trying to unlearn this value.
We’re embracing the concept of living authentically, of being real with our feelings, and of accepting that it’s okay not to be okay.
Perfection is overrated. Realness? Now that’s something worth striving for.
7) “Men don’t cry”
Growing up, many of us heard the phrase “men don’t cry.” It was a part of the societal expectations that placed heavy burdens on men to be tough and unemotional.
However, this old belief is something that younger generations are actively trying to unlearn.
We’re embracing the fact that emotions are a human trait, not a gender-specific one.
We’re encouraging men to express their feelings openly and teaching our children that it’s okay for everyone to cry.
After all, tears are not a sign of weakness, but a natural response to emotional situations.
Breaking down this stereotype is paving the way for a more emotionally aware and understanding society.
8) “Silence is golden”
The phrase “silence is golden” was often used to encourage children to be seen and not heard.
This value discouraged open communication and stifled the free expression of thoughts and emotions.
However, younger generations are debunking this belief. We’re promoting open dialogue and encouraging honest conversations.
We’re learning that silence isn’t always golden.
Sometimes, speaking up is the most precious thing we can do.
Final thoughts
As we journey through this process of unlearning, it’s important to remember that our boomer parents and grandparents passed down these values with the best of intentions, based on their own experiences and societal norms of their time.
But times change. And with it, our understanding of what’s healthy and beneficial evolves too.
This isn’t about blaming previous generations.
It’s about recognizing that some values, while they may have served a purpose in the past, may not be as relevant or helpful today.
So here’s to unlearning and relearning – to creating our own set of values that serve us better in today’s world.
Because growth is not just about learning new things, but also about letting go of the old ones that no longer serve us.
And remember, it’s okay to question, to challenge and to change.
That’s how progress happens.
