Heartbreak. Utter devastation. That’s what it felt like when my marriage crumbled into a million tiny pieces.
I had given it my all, tried everything I could think of, but nothing seemed to mend the gaping hole that had formed between us.
But there was no dramatic showdown, no explosive arguments. Instead, a creeping realization that our love story had reached its final chapter, despite my heart refusing to accept it.
Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of an emotional storm, a whirlwind of pain and uncertainty.
But amidst the chaos, an unexpected lifeline appeared: Solo travel.
It was unconventional, sure. A far cry from the comfort of our marital home and the life we had built together.
But it called out to me; a chance for peace and healing in the midst of turmoil.
Here’s how embarking on journeys by myself became my sanctuary in the storm, the calm I so desperately needed after my marriage fell apart.
1) Embracing solitude is not the same as being lonely
Many assume that being alone directly equates to feeling lonely, but that’s a misconception I quickly learnt was far from the truth.
When my marriage ended, I was surrounded by well-meaning friends and family, but their presence only amplified the emptiness I felt. I was in a crowd, yet felt utterly alone.
It was on my first solo trip, miles away from home, when I discovered the difference between being alone and being lonely.
Alone in a foreign city, I found myself engaging with my thoughts rather than running from them.
The solitude offered me the space to heal, to understand myself better without the noise of external opinions clouding my judgement.
I realised that embracing solitude could be empowering. Instead of feeling isolated, I felt liberated.
Being by myself wasn’t a sentence to loneliness; it was a chance to rediscover who I was outside of the relationship that had just ended.
Through solo travel, I found calm in solitude, and in that calm, I found strength.
2) It pushes you out of your comfort zone
Traveling solo compelled me to venture far beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone.
In the wake of my marriage breakdown, I had sought solace in the familiar, the predictable. But the routine that once brought comfort now felt stifling.
On my first solo trip to Paris, I found myself lost in the labyrinth-like streets of Montmartre.
Panic set in as I realized I didn’t have a clue about how to get back to my hotel. My French was rusty at best, and the twisting alleyways all looked the same.
But then something unexpected happened. I took a deep breath, asked a local for directions (in my broken French), and managed to navigate my way back. It was a small victory, but a significant one.
That day, lost in a foreign city, I discovered a resilience within myself that I hadn’t known existed.
The same resilience that would later help me navigate through the intricate maze of pain and healing post-divorce.
Solo travel doesn’t just take you to new places; it pushes you into new spaces within yourself, spaces you might never have discovered otherwise.
3) Solo travel gives you the freedom to find yourself again
The great Mark Twain once said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” I would add, it’s also fatal to self-doubt and limitations we often unconsciously impose on ourselves.
After my marriage ended, I felt like a ship lost at sea. I was adrift, without a clear sense of who I was anymore.
My identity had been so intrinsically linked to my marriage that when it ended, I felt as though I’d lost a part of myself too.
Then, I stepped on a plane alone.
I traveled to places where nobody knew me, where the only expectations were the ones I set for myself. It was liberating in a way I hadn’t anticipated.
In the midst of exploring new places, tasting unfamiliar foods, and conversing with strangers who didn’t know my story, I began to find myself again.
The freedom of solo travel allowed me the space to redefine myself – not as a divorced woman, but simply as me.
As Twain wisely noted, travel can break down walls. In my case, it tore down walls of self-doubt and fear that had built up around me post-divorce.
It helped me rediscover my sense of self and brought an unexpected calm amidst the storm.
4) Traveling solo helps you appreciate the world in a new light
The world is a vast and diverse place. There’s a saying that goes “You’re the same person until you travel.” It wasn’t until I ventured out alone that I truly understood its depth.
In the aftermath of my divorce, my world felt small, confined to the same faces, places, and memories.
But when I stepped out on my own into uncharted territory, I was struck by the sheer magnitude of experiences waiting to be explored.
Did you know that there are over 7,000 languages spoken worldwide?
On my solo travels, I heard dialects and accents that were music to my ears, each one a reminder of the diversity that exists in our world.
And it wasn’t just about the languages. Each place had its unique culture, traditions, and people.
In Bali, I witnessed the daily rituals of gratitude performed by locals. In Italy, I was touched by the warmth and hospitality of complete strangers who treated me like family.
Solo travel opened my eyes to the richness of life beyond my personal bubble.
It put my own problems into perspective and brought a sense of calmness in knowing that there’s a whole world out there to explore.
The world was no longer just a backdrop to my story; it became an active character in my healing journey.
5) Solo travel teaches you invaluable life skills
Traveling alone, you find yourself wearing many hats. You’re the planner, the navigator, the problem solver – all at once.
It’s a crash course in self-reliance that you don’t quite get when you travel with others.
During my first solo trip, I found myself in situations I hadn’t anticipated. Missed flights, lost luggage, language barriers – these were all challenges I had to face on my own.
But with each hurdle, I grew more confident in my ability to handle whatever came my way.
In Peru, I accidentally boarded a bus going the wrong direction.
Instead of panicking, I figured out how to communicate with the driver and fellow passengers, despite our language differences, and eventually made my way back on the correct route.
These experiences were not just about overcoming travel mishaps; they were lessons in resilience and adaptability that served me well beyond my trips.
In many ways, these skills mirrored those needed to navigate life post-divorce.
Just like solo travel, rebuilding your life after a significant relationship ends requires resilience, adaptability and a great deal of self-reliance.
Through solo travel, I was honing these skills without even realizing it. And as I grew stronger in my travels, so did I in my personal life.
The calm I was seeking was not just in the places I visited, but also in the person I was becoming through these journeys.
6) Traveling solo allows you to set your own pace
In a relationship, we often compromise and adjust our pace to match our partner’s. When my marriage ended, I initially felt unmoored, unsure of how to navigate life at my own rhythm again.
Traveling solo was a different story.
There was no one else’s schedule to accommodate, no one else’s preferences to consider.
If I wanted to spend an entire day exploring a museum in Amsterdam or lounging on a beach in Thailand, I could. And if I chose to skip the touristy spots and instead lose myself in a local market, that was okay too.
This freedom to move at my own pace was both liberating and healing. It gave me the space to process my feelings without the pressure of moving on before I was ready.
It was an opportunity to reacquaint myself with my own rhythms, desires, and passions.
Setting my own pace while traveling solo helped me understand that I had the same freedom in my personal life too. It taught me that healing doesn’t have a deadline, and it’s okay to take all the time I need.
This realization brought me the calm I craved – a reassurance that it was okay to take things slow as I navigated through the storm of emotions post-divorce.
7) Solo travel gives you the chance to be selfish – in a good way
If there’s one thing solo travel allows you to do, it’s to prioritize yourself without guilt. In the aftermath of my divorce, I often found myself putting others’ needs before my own.
I was trying to maintain a brave front, to show the world that I was okay when inside I was falling apart.
When I began traveling alone, I realized that I could be a bit selfish – and that wasn’t a bad thing.
I could choose where to go, what to eat, which attractions to see, all based on what I wanted.
There was no one else to consider, no one else’s happiness to prioritize over my own. It was an unfamiliar feeling but also a liberating one.
In Japan, I spent an entire day indulging in onsen (hot spring) baths because it made me feel calm and rejuvenated. In Spain, I devoured tapas and wine without worrying about sharing or compromising on choices.
Solo travel gave me the permission to put myself first – something I hadn’t done in a long time. It reminded me of the importance of self-care and self-love, especially during the healing process.
Being “selfish” in this way helped me understand my needs better and subsequently brought a sense of calm into my life.
It taught me that it’s not only okay but necessary to prioritize my well-being, a lesson I carried with me long after my trips ended.
8) Solo travel is a journey of self-discovery
Perhaps the most profound realization I had while traveling alone was that this journey was not just about exploring new places but also about discovering myself.
When my marriage ended, I felt like a stranger to myself. The person I thought I was, the life I thought I had – it all seemed unfamiliar.
But as I navigated through foreign lands on my own, I also began to navigate the unfamiliar within myself.
In the quiet moments of solo travel, whether it was watching a sunset in Greece or walking through the bustling streets of New York, I found myself reflecting, growing, and learning more about who I truly am.
I discovered strengths I didn’t know I had, passions I had forgotten, and dreams that had been buried under the weight of my past relationship.
Most importantly, I learned to love and appreciate myself – with all my flaws and imperfections.
This was not just about finding calm amidst the chaos but also about finding acceptance and peace within myself.
In conclusion, solo travel wasn’t just an escape from my post-divorce reality; it was a journey towards self-discovery and healing.
It brought calm into my life in ways I never anticipated, and for that, I will always be grateful.
The journey forward
If my journey resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. The aftermath of a broken marriage can feel like navigating through a storm without a compass.
But remember, storms don’t last forever.
Solo travel might not be the conventional path to healing, but it offered me the calm I needed amidst my personal storm.
It allowed me to discover strengths I didn’t know I had, find peace in solitude, and most importantly, reconnect with myself.
Maybe it could do the same for you.
As the great writer Anais Nin once said, “I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.”
Perhaps seeing the moon shine from a different corner of the world could help you too, to see your life, your pain and your potential in a new light.
It’s not about running away from your problems, but rather running towards yourself. It’s about finding your calm amidst the chaos.
So if you’re standing at the crossroads of pain and healing, consider taking a step towards solo travel. You might just find that it’s not just a journey across continents, but also a journey towards self-discovery and peace.
Take one step at a time, honor your pace and remember: The journey is as important as the destination.
