There’s a huge difference between being a parent and being a friend to your kids.
The difference is all about balance. Being overly strict can push them away, while being too lenient can harm their growth.
As they grow up, maintaining a close bond with your kids requires a certain finesse. And seasoned parents know that there are certain behaviors that need to be let go to preserve this bond.
In this article, we’ll explore seven behaviors to wave goodbye to if you want to keep that close bond with your kids as they get older. It’s about guiding them while also respecting their autonomy.
Trust me, it’s a tightrope walk worth mastering.
1) Trying to be their best friend
Most parents have been there.
Balancing between being a confidant and an authority figure is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting.
And experienced parents understand the danger of trying too hard to be their child’s best friend.
As a parent, your primary role is to guide, protect, and provide for your child. This sometimes means saying ‘no’, setting boundaries, and disciplining when necessary – things a best friend wouldn’t typically do.
When you blur the lines between friendship and parenthood, it can lead to confusion, a lack of respect, and ultimately a strained relationship.
So if you want to maintain that close bond with your kids as they grow up, it’s time to say goodbye to trying to be their best friend.
Remember, it’s about striking that perfect balance. Be friendly, but don’t forget that you’re first and foremost their parent. Trust me, they’ll thank you for it in the long run.
2) Dismissing their feelings
I recall a time when my own daughter was upset about not being invited to a classmate’s birthday party.
She was devastated and to me, it seemed like a minor issue. After all, in the grand scheme of life, one missed party isn’t a big deal. But to her, it was the world.
In the past, I might have dismissed her feelings, telling her to move on or that it wasn’t a big deal. But doing that would have been a mistake.
Kids, just like adults, have their own share of problems. And to them, these problems are just as significant as our ‘adult’ issues are to us.
When we dismiss or belittle their feelings, we’re essentially telling them that their emotions aren’t valid. This can lead to them feeling misunderstood and distant.
So if you want to maintain a close bond with your kids as they get older, it’s crucial to respect their feelings and show empathy.
In my case, I sat down with my daughter, let her voice her feelings without interruption, and then reassured her that it’s okay to feel upset. This simple act of understanding made all the difference.
3) Overprotecting them
It’s a natural instinct for parents to protect their children from harm and failure. After all, we want what’s best for them.
However, studies show that kids who are allowed to fail and experience the consequences of their actions tend to be more resilient, resourceful, and capable of handling life’s challenges.
Overprotective parents often create an environment where children are shielded from all adversities. This can lead to kids becoming overly dependent, having low self-esteem, and struggling to deal with challenges as they grow older.
To maintain a close bond with your kids as they age, it’s crucial to let them experience life – the ups, the downs, the successes, and yes, even the failures.
It might be tough to watch at times, but remember – you’re helping them become strong, independent individuals capable of tackling whatever life throws their way.
4) Not respecting their privacy
As our kids grow up, their need for personal space and privacy increases.
It’s easy to forget that they are individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. We might feel entitled to know every detail of their lives because we’re their parents. But this behavior can lead to them feeling suffocated and invaded.
Respecting your child’s privacy doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to what’s going on in their lives. It means understanding that they have a right to personal space and confidentiality.
It means knocking before entering their rooms, not snooping through their personal items, and respecting their need to have private conversations.
Trust is a two-way street. If you want your kids to trust you with their problems and concerns as they get older, you need to show them that you trust them too.
Remember, maintaining a close bond with your kids as they age involves respecting their privacy. It’s all about fostering trust and understanding.
5) Micromanaging their lives
I remember planning out every minute of my son’s day.
From the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed, I had his activities mapped out. Homework time, soccer practice, piano lessons – you name it. In my mind, I was setting him up for success.
But over time, I noticed a growing resentment and a lack of enthusiasm in him. That’s when I realized my mistake.
Micromanaging our kids’ lives can seem like we’re setting them on the right path. But more often than not, it strips them of their sense of independence and creativity.
Kids need the freedom to explore, make mistakes, learn and grow on their own terms. It’s through this freedom that they discover their passions and strengths.
In hindsight, loosening the reins was one of the best decisions I made. My son’s now thriving – exploring his interests and stepping up to responsibilities on his own terms.
6) Ignoring your own flaws
Nobody is perfect, and that includes us as parents.
We all have our flaws and make mistakes. However, the key is to acknowledge these mistakes and show our kids that it’s okay to be imperfect.
When we brush off our faults or fail to apologize for our mistakes, we’re sending a message that it’s not okay to be flawed. This can create unrealistic expectations in our kids and make them feel pressured to be perfect.
On the other hand, when we own up to our mistakes and flaws, we’re teaching them a valuable lesson about accountability, humility, and personal growth.
If you want to maintain a close bond with your kids as they get older, embrace your imperfections. Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and strive to do better.
It’s not about being a perfect parent – it’s about being a real one.
7) Failing to listen
Perhaps the most important aspect of maintaining a close bond with your kids as they get older is simply listening.
All too often, we’re quick to give advice or share our perspectives. But sometimes, our kids don’t need solutions – they just need to be heard.
Listening shows that you value their thoughts and feelings.
So, when your child wants to talk, put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your full attention. Show them through your actions that their words matter.
When you really listen, you’ll find that it opens doors to deeper conversations and a stronger bond.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey of growth
The journey of parenting is as much about personal growth as it is about nurturing and guiding your children.
Saying goodbye to these seven behaviors isn’t just about maintaining a close bond with your kids as they get older. It’s about evolving as a person and growing as a parent.
Each point we’ve discussed – from respecting their privacy to acknowledging our own flaws – contributes to a healthier, more balanced relationship with your children.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned clinical psychologist and author, once said, “When we parent, it’s crucial we realize we aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature.”
This poignant quote captures the essence of what we’ve been talking about.
Our kids are individuals on their own unique journeys. And our role as parents is to guide them, not control them.
As you reflect on these behaviors, remember that it’s never too late to start making changes. It’s all part of the beautiful, challenging, rewarding journey that is parenting.
