It’s a fine line between influencing and manipulating, and that line is often crossed with deceptive intentions.
Manipulating isn’t about giving someone a choice. It’s about making them believe they have no other option but to agree with you, even when you’re in the wrong.
Master manipulators have a knack for playing the victim, to divert attention from their own faults. They skillfully weave subtle phrases into their conversations, turning the tables in their favor.
In this article, we’ll uncover the 7 subtle phrases expert manipulators use to play the victim, even when they’re in the wrong. Keep your eyes peeled – you might just recognize some of these tactics.
1) “I can’t believe this is happening to me…”
Manipulation often starts with a disarming statement, and a master manipulator knows how to use this to their advantage.
“I can’t believe this is happening to me…” is one of those phrases. It conveys a sense of shock and disbelief, creating an illusion of the person being unfairly targeted or victimized.
This phrase is designed to evoke sympathy and compassion. It shifts the focus from their wrongdoings to their perceived suffering, making it difficult for others to assign blame where it actually belongs.
The manipulator uses this phrase to control the narrative, painting themselves as the victim in any situation regardless of their culpability.
But always remember – anyone can play the victim, but it takes integrity to own up to mistakes and make amends. So, next time you hear this phrase, take a step back and consider what’s really happening.
2) “It’s not my fault…”
This phrase is a classic in the manipulator’s playbook. It’s all about deflecting responsibility and avoiding blame. A personal experience comes to mind when I think about this.
A few years ago, I had a friend who was always late. Every time we made plans, she would show up an hour or two late without any apology. One day, I decided to address it.
“Hey, it’s a bit frustrating when you’re always late,” I said.
Her reply? “It’s not my fault… my watch is always slow.”
Instead of acknowledging her consistent tardiness, she shifted the blame to her watch. This phrase allowed her to play the victim of an external circumstance, steering clear from accepting any personal responsibility.
When you hear this phrase, remember it might be a clever way to avoid taking responsibility for actions that are very much within their control.
3) “Everyone is against me…”
“Everyone is against me…” is a phrase that carries a heavy weight. It’s a victim-playing statement designed to elicit sympathy and support.
Yet, an intriguing aspect of this phrase is rooted in psychology. When someone believes that the world is conspiring against them, it could be a sign of a cognitive distortion known as ‘personalization’.
Personalization is when an individual interprets events around them as being directly related to themselves, even when there’s no logical connection. This distortion can make them feel like they’re under constant attack, feeding their victim narrative.
When you hear this phrase, take it with a grain of salt. It might not be the entire world that’s the problem, but their perspective on it.
4) “I’m always the one who…”
This phrase is usually followed by an exaggerated claim, aimed at highlighting the manipulator’s perceived hardship and ineffable self-sacrifice.
“I’m always the one who has to clean up,” or “I’m always the one who gets blamed,” are common variations. It’s a clever way of making others feel guilty while simultaneously painting themselves as the martyr.
However, it’s essential to remember that this is often a skewed perspective. Most times, responsibilities and blame are shared among several people. This phrase is typically used to manipulate a situation and evade accountability.
Next time you hear this phrase, take a moment to evaluate the whole picture before jumping to conclusions.
5) “I never get anything right…”
“I never get anything right…” is a phrase that tugs on your heartstrings. It’s a self-deprecating statement that manipulators use to garner sympathy and manipulate the narrative.
A while back, I had a colleague who would use this phrase whenever he made a mistake. At first, we’d rush to reassure him that it wasn’t a big deal. But over time, we realized this was his way of avoiding any form of constructive criticism or accountability.
Instead of working on improving his skills or rectifying his errors, he’d use this phrase as a shield against feedback. We were so busy comforting him that we overlooked the fact that the same mistakes were happening repeatedly.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes. But using them as a tool for manipulation is where the line gets crossed.
6) “Why does this always happen to me…”
“Why does this always happen to me…” is another phrase manipulators use to play the victim. It projects a constant state of misfortune, making it seem like they are perpetually at the receiving end of life’s cruelties.
This phrase is designed to draw empathy and attention away from their wrongdoings. It’s a diversion tactic that shifts the focus from the issue at hand to their alleged hardships.
The reality, though, is that everyone experiences ups and downs. If someone consistently portrays themselves as the perpetual victim, it could be a red flag. Remember this next time you come across such a phrase.
7) “I didn’t mean to…”
“I didn’t mean to…” is perhaps one of the most subtly manipulative phrases. It’s an immediate deflection of responsibility, a way to shrug off any accusations while maintaining an innocent façade.
The truth is, intentions don’t negate impact. If someone frequently uses this phrase after their actions have caused harm or inconvenience, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.
Intentions can be misunderstood, but when this phrase becomes a recurring theme, it’s time to question the sincerity behind it.
Final thoughts: It’s all about perspective
The depth of human communication is intricate, and at times, deceptive. The phrases we’ve explored are just the tip of an iceberg in understanding manipulation.
Remember, these phrases are not inherently evil. They become manipulative when used with ill intentions, to evade responsibility or control others.
Being aware of these phrases can help us discern manipulation when it’s at play, enabling us to react appropriately. It allows us to maintain our boundaries and prevent ourselves from getting caught in a cycle of manipulation.
The awareness also reminds us to reflect on our own communication. Are we using these phrases to manipulate others unintentionally? If so, it’s time for a change.
In the end, communication is about honesty, empathy, and understanding. Let’s strive to keep it that way.
