Engaging in an argument with a narcissist is a tricky business.
They have a knack for twisting words and situations to their advantage, especially when they’re losing ground.
This manipulation comes in many forms, often through certain phrases.
As someone who knows the ins-and-outs of psychology, I’ve come to identify these tell-tale signs of a narcissist on the defensive.
Let’s delve into the world of psychology and dissect seven subtle phrases narcissists use when they’re losing an argument.
You might be surprised at how familiar some of these phrases may sound:
1) “I’m just trying to help you…”
Narcissists have mastered the art of concealing their intentions with seemingly innocent phrases.
One such phrase is, “I’m just trying to help you.”
In theory, this phrase sounds supportive and well-intentioned but, when used by a narcissist, it’s often a disguise for their need to control the narrative and maintain superiority in the argument.
A narcissist’s main concerns are always preserving their self-image and winning the argument, rather than genuinely trying to assist or understand the other person.
The next time you hear, “I’m just trying to help you”, take a moment to decipher what’s really behind those words.
It could be an attempt to regain control over an argument that isn’t going their way.
2) “You’re being too sensitive…”
Another phrase narcissists often throw around when they feel backed into a corner is, “You’re being too sensitive.”
I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine last year.
Every time I brought up an issue I had with their behavior, they’d deflect the blame onto me by saying I was being overly sensitive.
This is a classic tactic used by narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to invalidate the other person’s feelings.
By accusing someone of being too sensitive, narcissists are essentially burying their partner’s valid emotions and concerns.
Always remember, it’s okay to express your feelings and stand your ground.
You’re not being too sensitive; you’re simply demanding the respect you deserve.
3) “I never said that…”
Ever found yourself in a situation where you’re certain about something that’s been said, but the other person flatly denies it?
Welcome to the world of gaslighting!
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a person, to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality.
Narcissists are experts at this; when losing an argument, they might say, “I never said that,” even when they did.
It’s a way to create doubt in your mind and shift the balance of power.
Gaslighting is a clear sign of an unhealthy dynamic, so it’s crucial to trust your memories and perceptions.
4) “You’re overreacting…”
One phrase I’ve often seen narcissists use when they’re losing an argument is, “You’re overreacting.”
This tactic undermines the other person’s feelings and experiences, turning the focus away from the narcissist’s behavior and onto the other person’s reaction.
When you hear this phrase, remember this: Your feelings are valid.
You have every right to express your emotions, and nobody should belittle them.
Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re overreacting when you’re merely seeking respect and understanding.
5) “You always…”
Narcissists have a tendency to use absolute terms like “always” and “never” when they’re losing an argument.
Phrases like “you always do this…” or “you never do that…” are aimed to put you on the defensive and distract from the issue at hand.
I recall a time when I found myself cornered by such statements.
It felt like an unfair generalization of my behavior and a deflection from the real matter being discussed.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, a renowned psychologist and author, said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
This quote resonates with me deeply as it encourages us to not let generalized statements influence our perspective.
Remember: Keep it focused on the issue at hand.
6) “I’m sorry you feel that way…”
It sounds like an apology, doesn’t it?
But “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a subtle, yet effective tactic narcissists use when they’re losing an argument.
This phrase shifts the blame onto you, making your feelings the problem, rather than their behavior.
It’s a non-apology that allows them to evade responsibility while seeming to show empathy.
A narcissist’s attempts at shifting blame does not change the truth about their behavior.
When you hear “I’m sorry you feel that way,” be aware as it’s just another deflection tactic.
7) “Can’t you take a joke?”
When narcissists cross a line with offensive or hurtful comments, they might quickly follow up with, “Can’t you take a joke?”
This tactic downplays their actions and suggests that you’re the problem for not finding their inappropriate behavior funny.
Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown once said, “What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.”
Narcissists often feel entitled to behave as they please, without gratitude or responsibility for others’ feelings.
Be aware of this phrase as it’s not about your sense of humor!
Final reflections
Navigating conversations with narcissists can be a complex and challenging terrain.
The subtle phrases they use when losing an argument are designed to deflect, deny, and distort reality, all while preserving their sense of superiority.
Recognizing these phrases is a crucial step towards understanding the dynamics at play and ensuring your feelings and experiences are validated.
It’s about standing your ground, trusting your instincts, and knowing that it’s okay to demand respect.
As we journey through our interactions, let’s remember that it is not just about winning an argument, but also about fostering healthier communication dynamics.
Identifying these subtle phrases brings us one step closer to that goal.
In the world of dialogue and disputes, awareness is indeed power.
