Communication is crucial.
As parents, we strive to guide our kids, but sometimes our words can do more harm than good.
Boomer parents, born in a different era, often use phrases that may seem harmless but can actually cause long-term damage.
In this article, we’ll delve into the seven things boomer parents say to their kids that can unintentionally hurt them in the long run.
We’ll also explore how to communicate more effectively—after all, it’s how you say it that matters.
1) “You’re just too sensitive…”
We all aim to build emotional resilience in our children, but labeling them as ‘too sensitive’ can lead to serious issues down the line.
Boomer parents, with their tough love approach, often use this phrase in an attempt to toughen up their kids.
However, this can inadvertently belittle their feelings and emotions.
When a child hears that they’re ‘too sensitive,’ they start to believe that their feelings are not valid or important.
Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem and a lack of trust in their own emotions.
Instead of dismissing their emotions as sensitivity, it’s crucial to acknowledge and validate their feelings.
This fosters emotional intelligence and helps them navigate their feelings in a healthier way.
Remember: It’s not about changing what we say, but how we say it.
2) “Because I said so…”
This phrase was a staple in my house growing up.
Whenever I questioned my parents’ decisions, this was their go-to response.
On the surface, it might seem like a simple way to assert authority but what it actually did was stifle my curiosity and discourage me from questioning the world around me.
“Because I said so” shuts down healthy conversation and teaches children that their opinions don’t matter.
Long-term, it can lead to a sense of powerlessness and a stifling of independent thought.
Looking back, I wish my parents had taken the time to explain their reasoning.
It would have fostered open communication and encouraged me to think critically.
The next time, instead of resorting to “Because I said so”, try explaining your reasoning—it’s an opportunity for your child to learn and grow.
3) “You’re just like [insert relative]…”
Comparing a child to a relative, friend, or even a sibling is quite common among boomer parents.
It might seem harmless on the surface, but it can have deep-seated implications.
Comparison fuels competition, and competition can breed resentment.
Moreover, it can make children feel that they are not unique or valued for their own merits but are constantly measured against someone else.
Research has shown that children who are often compared to others tend to have lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression.
They also tend to develop a fear of failure because they feel they are always being judged.
Celebrate your child’s individuality; encourage their unique qualities and talents, and help them understand that it’s okay not to be the same as everyone else.
4) “Don’t cry…”
Emotions can be a tricky thing for everyone, especially for children who are still learning to navigate them.
Boomer parents often tell their kids not to cry, thinking they are teaching them to be strong.
However, this can send a message that expressing emotions, especially vulnerable ones like sadness, is a sign of weakness.
Telling a child not to cry can lead them to suppress their emotions over time.
This emotional suppression can result in difficulty handling stress and maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood.
Instead of telling them not to cry, it’s essential to let children express their emotions freely and provide comfort and understanding.
This approach can help them develop emotional maturity and resilience.
5) “Money doesn’t grow on trees…”
This phrase was a constant refrain in my childhood.
While it’s meant to teach the value of money and hard work, it also subtly instills a scarcity mindset.
Growing up with this perspective, I often found myself anxious about finances, even when I was financially stable.
The fear of not having enough was deeply ingrained in me.
This scarcity mindset can lead to excessive worry about money and can even impact one’s ability to make sound financial decisions later in life.
Rather than emphasizing scarcity, it’s more beneficial to teach kids about money management, saving, and investing.
We should aim to foster a healthy relationship with money, balancing the understanding of its value with the knowledge that it’s a tool, not the end goal.
6) “What will people think?”
As parents, we naturally worry about our children’s reputation and societal acceptance.
However, using phrases like “What will people think?” can create an unhealthy obsession with others’ opinions.
This can lead children to constantly seek external validation and approval, resulting in low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.
They may develop a habit of shaping their actions based on others’ perceptions, rather than following their own instincts or desires.
Instead of teaching kids to worry about others’ opinions, encourage them to value their own judgment.
Building self-confidence and authenticity is far more important than seeking external validation.
7) “You should be more like your sibling…”
Sibling comparison is one of the most damaging habits parents can fall into as it can cause resentment, rivalry, and can severely damage the self-esteem of the child being compared.
Each child is unique, with their own set of talents, strengths, and weaknesses.
By comparing them to each other, we risk overlooking their individuality and making them feel inadequate.
The most important thing to remember is to appreciate and encourage each child’s individuality.
Celebrate their successes, guide them through their struggles, and above all, let them know they are loved for who they are, not who we want them to be.
Final thoughts: Words have power
The influence of our words, particularly as parents, is profound; the phrases we use can deeply impact our children’s psyche, shaping their self-perception and worldview.
Psychologists have long emphasized the importance of positive communication in fostering healthy development.
They affirm that the language we use can either build or break a child’s confidence and self-esteem.
Remember, it’s not just about what we say, but how we say it: Our tone, our intention, and the context—all contribute to how our words are perceived and internalized.
The phrases boomer parents often use may seem innocuous but can cause long-term damage.
It’s essential to be mindful of this and strive for open, honest, and empathetic communication.
Our ultimate goal as parents is to nurture resilient, confident, and happy individuals who are comfortable in their own skin.
