For years, I found myself constantly drained, emotionally exhausted, and struggling to keep up.
You probably know the feeling:
– Unending drama
– Overthinking every little thing
– Constant anxiety and stress
– Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.
And living in a state of perpetual emotional turmoil, unable to break free from its clutches.
I’m Hack Spirit founder and psychology enthusiast, Lachlan Brown. A few years ago, I was in a toxic relationship with an emotionally exhausting woman. The emotional rollercoaster was draining my energy and happiness. I felt stuck and unhappy.
The reason? I hadn’t yet understood the 7 unique habits of an emotionally exhausting woman that psychology revealed to me.
In this article, I’ll share these habits with you. Hopefully, they can be as enlightening for you as they were for me.
Let’s dive in.
1) Emotional rollercoasters
The first habit that struck me about an emotionally exhausting woman was the constant emotional rollercoasters.
It sounds like an exaggeration, but as someone who was once in the thick of it, it felt very real and relentless.
One minute everything would be fine, the next minute I would find myself in the middle of a high-intensity drama. It seemed like peace and calm were elusive concepts, always just out of reach.
I found myself constantly on edge, never knowing when the next emotional outburst would occur. The unpredictability was nerve-wracking and consumed a significant chunk of my mental bandwidth.
If you’re dealing with something similar, take a step back. You may not be able to control the other person’s emotions, but you can control your reaction to them.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to manage someone else’s emotional state. Learning to set boundaries was a game-changer for me and can be for you too.
2) Lack of emotional responsibility
The second habit I noticed was a complete lack of emotional responsibility.
In my case, the emotionally exhausting woman in my life refused to take ownership of her feelings. Instead, she blamed everyone else – often me – for her emotional state.
I remember a particular incident when we were late for a dinner because she took too long to get ready.
Instead of admitting her part in it, she blamed me for not reminding her about the time. It was as if her actions had no role to play, and I was the sole culprit.
This lack of emotional responsibility is draining because you’re constantly trying to appease them and make things right, even when it’s not your fault.
As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This quote really resonates with me because it emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and taking responsibility for one’s actions – something that was clearly missing in my emotionally exhausting relationship.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember this: It’s not your duty to carry someone else’s emotional baggage. You have your own emotions to deal with.
3) Constant need for validation
The third habit I observed was the constant need for validation.
It seemed like no matter what I did, it was never enough. I remember once, I planned a surprise date for her, involving all the things she loved – a movie at her favorite cinema, dinner at her preferred restaurant, even got her favorite flowers.
Yet, instead of appreciating the effort, she focused on the one thing I missed – not picking her up on time.
This constant need for validation was exhausting because it felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. No matter how much I tried to please her, there was always something missing, something more that she expected.
If you find yourself constantly trying to validate someone and it’s draining you emotionally, it’s crucial to understand that their need for validation is not about you. It’s about them and their insecurities.
And as hard as it may be, it’s not your responsibility to fill their voids.
4) Manipulative behavior
One of the more disturbing habits I noticed was manipulative behavior.
In my case, she would often twist facts or situations to suit her narrative, leaving me feeling guilty and second-guessing myself. She would use these tactics to control the relationship and keep me in a state of constant confusion.
This manipulation is not just emotionally exhausting but also potentially harmful.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that manipulation in a relationship can lead to severe psychological distress for the victim.
If you’re experiencing this type of behavior in your relationship, it’s important to remember that it’s not about you. It’s a reflection of the other person’s insecurities.
You have every right to stand up for yourself and seek help if necessary. Don’t let anyone manipulate your reality.
5) Criticism over appreciation
The fifth habit that stood out was the tendency to criticize more than appreciate.
In my relationship, I noticed she was quick to point out what I did wrong, but hardly ever acknowledged what I did right.
This constant criticism, whether about the smallest things like how I dressed or bigger issues like my career choices, was demoralizing. It felt like I was never good enough.
This type of behavior can be draining and damaging to one’s self-esteem. It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that constructive criticism should always be balanced with appreciation.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that you don’t have to accept unwarranted criticism. Stand up for yourself and seek appreciation where it’s due. It’s crucial for your emotional well-being.
6) Inability to apologize
The sixth habit was an inability to apologize, even when she was clearly in the wrong.
I remember an incident where she had forgotten my birthday. Instead of apologizing, she turned it around on me, saying that I didn’t remind her enough.
This refusal to apologize and take responsibility was frustrating and emotionally draining.
It felt like I was in a one-sided relationship where only my mistakes were highlighted, while hers were conveniently swept under the rug.
Famous psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner once said, “An apology isn’t worth anything if you’re just going to keep on doing the things you said sorry for.” This quote helped me understand the importance of genuine apologies in a relationship.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay.
What’s not okay is refusing to admit those mistakes and not making an effort to improve. It’s essential for both partners in a relationship to be able to apologize sincerely when they’re wrong.
7) Over-dependence
The seventh and final habit was an over-dependence on me for her happiness.
Interestingly, this didn’t come across as outright clinginess, but as a subtle expectation that I was responsible for her emotional well-being.
It was as if my role was not just to be her partner, but also her counselor, cheerleader, and problem-solver.
This over-dependence was not just emotionally exhausting, but also counterintuitive. While it’s natural to lean on your partner for support, expecting them to be your sole source of happiness is unfair and unhealthy.
A practical tip here is to encourage independence in the relationship. Encourage your partner to pursue their interests, spend time with friends and family, and take care of their mental health.
Remember, two independent individuals make a healthier relationship than two overly dependent ones.
Conclusion
Navigating a relationship with an emotionally exhausting woman can be challenging. These habits I’ve shared, observed from my personal experience, may resonate with some of you.
The key takeaway here is to remember that while you can offer support and understanding, you cannot carry someone else’s emotional burdens or fix their problems.
It’s crucial to maintain boundaries and prioritize your own mental and emotional health. You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness or emotional well-being.
Remember, a healthy relationship is a partnership where both individuals contribute equally and treat each other with respect and understanding. It’s not just about weathering the storms together, but also about enjoying the sunny days.
Stay strong, stay positive, and remember to take care of yourself first. Only then can you truly be there for others.
