For years, I believed in the Disney fairy tale.
You know the one:
– Perfect romance
– Prince Charming
– Happily ever after
– The dreamy ball gowns and the enchanted castles.
And, like many women, I wanted my life to mirror that fantasy.
My reality check came in my late 20s. I was Lachlan Brown, a psychology enthusiast and the founder of Hack Spirit, but my personal life was far from a fairy tale.
I was constantly seeking my “Prince Charming”, idealizing relationships and setting myself up for disappointment again and again. My Disney princess complex was leaving me unfulfilled and unhappy.
It took a while, but I finally realized that this Disney narrative was doing more harm than good. It took seven psychological insights to shatter my princess complex, and in this article, I’m going to share them with you.
My hope is that they can help you as much as they helped me.
Let’s dive in.
1) Unrealistic expectations of love
The first psychological insight that shattered my Disney princess complex was the reality of romantic relationships.
Disney movies often paint a picture of perfect, effortless love. The princesses meet their princes, and they live happily ever after, with little to no conflict.
But real-life relationships are far from this idealized portrayal. They require effort, compromise, and open communication. There’s no such thing as a perfect partner or a relationship without any disagreements.
Believing in a Disney-like love story sets you up for disappointment when real relationships don’t live up to these unrealistic standards. It can also lead to dissatisfaction and unnecessary strain on otherwise healthy relationships.
Understanding this was a wake-up call for me. I had to let go of the idealized romance I’d been holding onto and embrace the beautiful messiness of real love.
Real love isn’t about finding a perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. It’s about understanding, patience, and forgiveness.
It’s not always easy, but it’s real, and in its own way, it’s far more magical than any Disney fairy tale.
2) The pursuit of perfection
The second psychological insight that challenged my perspective was the idea of perfection.
It relates to a quote from psychologist Carl Jung: “Perfection belongs to the gods; the most we can hope for is excellence.”
Growing up, I, like many others, was captivated by the flawless beauty and grace of Disney princesses. They always looked perfect, behaved perfectly, and even their problems were solved perfectly by the end of the movie.
This subconsciously led me to believe that I had to be perfect too – in my looks, my actions, my life.
One day, after hours spent trying to emulate a ‘perfect’ image for a social gathering, I took a step back and realized how exhausted and unhappy I was. The pursuit of perfection was not only unattainable but also draining.
That’s when I remembered Jung’s words. Perfection wasn’t achievable or even necessary. Striving for excellence—being the best version of myself—was more than enough.
This shift in mindset was liberating. I started focusing on self-improvement rather than perfection, on authenticity rather than pretense. And for the first time in years, I felt truly comfortable in my own skin.
3) The illusion of rescue
The third psychological insight that hit me hard was the concept of being “rescued”. In every Disney princess story, there’s a prince who comes to the rescue, solving all problems and making life perfect again.
For the longest time, I found myself waiting for my own “prince” to come along and fix everything – my loneliness, my insecurities, my dissatisfaction with life. I was waiting for someone else to make me happy.
It wasn’t until a particularly low point in my life, when I was feeling lost and alone, that I realized: there was no prince coming. No one was going to swoop in and magically fix my life.
This realization was a bit of a shock, but it was also incredibly empowering. It meant that I was in charge of my own happiness. I had the power to change my life.
I stopped waiting for rescue and started taking action – building stronger relationships, seeking fulfilling work, practicing self-love and acceptance.
It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But taking control of my own happiness was one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.
It taught me that I am not a damsel in distress, but a strong, capable woman who can rescue herself.
4) The fallacy of instant transformation
The fourth psychological insight comes from a fascinating study I came across in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Disney princesses often go through dramatic transformations. Cinderella becomes a princess overnight, Ariel becomes human, and Belle’s love transforms the Beast back into a prince.
Subconsciously, I found myself believing in similar instant transformations – that one grand event could drastically change my life for the better.
But in reality, meaningful change is a slow and gradual process.
The study, titled “Processes of Personal Change”, investigates how people perceive personal changes and growth following difficult events. It found that most meaningful personal changes take time and often involve facing challenges and overcoming adversity.
Realizing this was a game changer for me. Instead of waiting for a big event to transform my life, I began to focus on small, incremental changes that would slowly but surely lead me towards personal growth.
This shift in perspective made me more patient with myself and allowed me to appreciate the journey of transformation rather than just the end result.
5) The myth of external validation
The fifth psychological insight that shook my belief system was the idea of external validation.
In Disney movies, princesses are often admired and loved by everyone around them. Their worth is constantly reaffirmed by the adoration they receive.
For far too long, I found myself seeking the same kind of external validation. I craved approval and praise from others, and my self-worth was tied to how others perceived me.
But the truth is, external validation is fickle and unreliable. People’s opinions can change in an instant, and if our self-worth is tied to their approval, it can leave us feeling insecure and anxious.
It took a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection for me to realize this. I began working on building my self-esteem from within, learning to value myself regardless of others’ opinions.
When I stopped seeking external validation and started validating myself, I found a sense of self-worth and confidence that no amount of approval from others could give me. It was a hard-earned lesson, but one that truly changed my life for the better.
6) The danger of passive living
The sixth psychological insight is about the danger of passive living, and it’s embodied in a quote from psychologist Albert Bandura: “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”
Disney princesses often lead passive lives, waiting for their prince or some external force to change their circumstances.
As a result, I found myself mirroring this passivity in my own life, waiting for things to happen rather than actively pursuing my goals.
I remember a time when I had a dream of starting my own business. But instead of taking active steps towards that goal, I just daydreamed about it, waiting for the ‘right time’ or the ‘right opportunity’ to come along.
But when I came across Bandura’s quote, it struck a chord with me. There was no prince coming to save me. If I wanted something, I had to go out and make it happen.
So, I started taking small but active steps towards my dream. It was scary and challenging, but also incredibly empowering. I was no longer a passive bystander in my own life – I was the protagonist.
This shift from passivity to proactivity made all the difference. I learned that waiting won’t get me anywhere; if I want something, I have to work for it.
And even if I face obstacles along the way, I have the resilience and self-efficacy to overcome them.
7) The illusion of ‘happily ever after’
The final psychological insight is perhaps the most counterintuitive: there’s no such thing as ‘happily ever after’.
Disney movies often end with the princess and her prince riding off into the sunset, leaving us to imagine a future of unending happiness and contentment.
This instilled in me a belief that once I achieved certain things – the right relationship, the right job, the right appearance – I’d be happy forever.
But life isn’t a series of happy endings. It’s a continuous journey, with ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Happiness isn’t a destination you arrive at, but a state of being you cultivate throughout your life.
Coming to terms with this reality was initially tough. It meant letting go of the fairy-tale ending I’d been dreaming of. But it also meant embracing the beauty of life’s imperfections and finding joy in the journey itself.
So here’s a practical tip to end with: instead of striving for ‘happily ever after’, focus on finding happiness in the present moment.
Take time each day to appreciate something small – the warmth of the sun on your skin, the taste of your favorite coffee, a good conversation with a friend.
You’ll find that these little moments of joy add up, creating a life that’s not just about waiting for happiness, but actively experiencing it every day.
Conclusion
Letting go of the Disney princess complex isn’t easy, especially when these narratives are so deeply ingrained in our culture. But it’s a necessary step towards living a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Remember, you are not a passive character in your own story waiting for a prince to rescue you. You’re the protagonist, capable of creating your own happiness and overcoming any obstacles that come your way.
So here’s my final piece of advice: Embrace the beautifully flawed reality of your life. Don’t chase after a ‘perfect’ love story or a ‘happily ever after’.
Instead, strive for meaningful relationships, personal growth, and most importantly, self-love.
It’s not as glamorous as a Disney fairy tale, but it’s real, it’s rewarding, and in its own way, it’s truly magical.
