I still remember the day I got my first social media account. I was in my teens, fresh-faced and eager to connect with friends without any notion of how it might affect my sense of self-worth.
Fast forward to my adult life: now I’m a writer and psychology graduate based just outside Dublin, Ireland. The irony of that old saying — “Don’t compare yourself to others” — grows more evident each passing day.
Everywhere we turn, people’s achievements are celebrated in a flash of glamorous posts, success stories, and curated snapshots. It’s almost impossible not to notice how well someone else seems to be doing, be it in their career, relationship, or even the way they decorate their living room.
But here’s the thing: I’ve come to see that the relentless exposure to other people’s highlights doesn’t have to erode our self-esteem or make us feel like we’re falling behind.
Instead, it can be an invitation to ground ourselves in what truly matters.
Below, I want to share a few strategies that I’ve found helpful in staying centered — without shutting ourselves off from the outside world.
Reflect on what “success” really means to you
From an early age, I always felt there was this silent rule that success meant hitting the standard milestones in life: earning the best grades, landing a top job, finding a partner, buying a home, and so on.
I started realizing how narrow and external these definitions can be when I began my psychology workshops. The more I heard people’s personal stories, the more it struck me that fulfillment looks different for every single person.
For me, “success” now includes carving out quiet time to read, or having a quick coffee with my sister without checking my phone. It includes maintaining strong mental health, traveling to explore other cultures, and writing about the human psyche in a way that feels authentic.
Taking a moment to define success on your own terms shifts the focus away from how everyone else is doing.
I encourage you to journal about it. Ask yourself: what would my life look like if no one else was watching? How would I define success if I couldn’t post it online?
In answering these questions, you move from being externally driven to internally guided. And that’s a powerful change in perspective — especially in a world where other people’s definitions of success are so visibly on display.
Recognize the “comparison trap” as a distraction
Whenever I find myself scrolling too long on social media, I notice a subtle itch in my brain: a part of me starts making unhelpful comparisons. She’s got a flourishing business at 25? Meanwhile, I’m still refining my own projects in my early 30s.
The mental chatter can be endless. But I’ve realized that these comparisons distract me from meaningful actions I could be taking in my own life.
Much like a hamster wheel, comparing myself to other people can keep me running in circles. I’m not actually accomplishing anything. Instead, I’m just adding more self-doubt to my plate.
What helps is to notice when I’m stuck in that cycle. Once I see what’s happening, I can tell myself: “Rachel, you’re comparing again. Let’s step back.” Then, I’ll close my apps or switch tasks.
By reducing how often I give in to these thoughts, I automatically free up energy to do the things that truly matter — like writing, reflecting, or simply taking a walk to clear my mind.
Explore the root cause of your self-doubt
Over the years, I’ve realized that the compulsion to compare is often linked to deeper feelings of not being “enough.” This could be rooted in childhood experiences, cultural pressures, or internalized beliefs from our environment.
I remember, back when I was facilitating community workshops, one participant shared that they constantly felt behind because their career trajectory didn’t match their peers. As we peeled back the layers, it emerged they had internalized the message that “being behind is the same as failing,” which wasn’t true at all.
When you identify why you compare yourself, you can begin to dismantle the underlying belief. For me, it was understanding that my desire to be “as successful” as everyone else sprang from a fear of missing out on life’s possibilities.
That fear often surfaced whenever I saw someone achieving something I hadn’t even thought about pursuing.
If you resonate with this, allow yourself some introspection. Meditation, journaling, or speaking with a therapist or coach can help. It’s not always easy, but pinpointing the underlying anxiety or belief system will go a long way in releasing yourself from constant comparison.
Invest in tools that challenge limiting beliefs
A couple of years ago, I took Rudá Iandê’s “Free Your Mind” masterclass, and it completely reshaped how I approach self-comparison.
Rudá is a world-renowned shaman, and the course delved into the internal blocks that keep us stuck — the limiting beliefs we often pick up from society, family, or even our own self-talk.
Before the masterclass, I was getting caught in a swirl of negative thoughts — especially when I saw friends achieving big milestones in rapid succession. I’d think: “Did I take a wrong turn somewhere?” or “Why am I not where they are?”
But the exercises in Rudá’s course inspired me to notice how deeply I’d bought into other people’s timelines. It opened my eyes to all the ways I was measuring my worth by externals.
In time, I learned to reconnect with my own inner compass, trusting that my value wasn’t up for debate simply because someone else was winning in a particular area of life.
If you’re in a place where comparison is stealing your joy, I can’t recommend this kind of deep exploration enough. Rudá’s teachings empowered me to unearth and question my own assumptions.
I’ve made huge strides in letting go of the belief that I need to keep pace with everyone else. Ultimately, “running my own race” has allowed me more mental and emotional freedom — and that alone is a priceless gift.
Turn your admiration into inspiration
I used to feel pangs of envy whenever I saw someone living the “dream” — especially when it was a dream I thought I wanted for myself. Maybe that dream was traveling full-time, or launching a successful startup, or writing a best-selling book.
Now, I ask myself: “What specifically am I admiring, and how can I use that feeling as a catalyst for my growth?”
If I’m moved by someone’s ability to make travel a big part of their lifestyle, for instance, I think about what I can learn from them. Maybe they budget meticulously, or maybe they’re willing to take risks with freelance gigs in far-off destinations.
By turning envy into curiosity, I see that there’s a lot I can learn from other people’s journeys. It feels more constructive, even energizing, to use those insights as stepping stones in my own path.
That shift has transformed the way I experience social media: not as a feed of bragging rights but as a low-key educational tool, reminding me that if someone else can do it, perhaps I can too — provided I go about it in a way that matches my own values and circumstances.
Practice realistic gratitude
When people talk about gratitude, I sometimes cringe, because it can feel forced or superficial if taken the wrong way. But I’ve noticed that a grounded form of gratitude — where I truly appreciate everyday moments — can be a powerful antidote to comparison.
For example, I’ll step out onto my balcony, breathe in the crisp air, and feel an instant sense of calm. I’m reminded that my life is already abundant with simple joys.
A stable job that aligns with my passion, caring siblings who check in on me, the freedom to create my own schedule — these are all blessings I tend to overlook if I’m too busy wishing for someone else’s reality.
Realistic gratitude is honest: it acknowledges that life isn’t perfect, but it’s still worth celebrating. If you can tap into that sense of appreciation regularly, you’ll find it harder to dwell on what you lack.
In my own experience, a quick daily gratitude habit (even just mentally listing three things I’m thankful for) significantly reduces the urge to constantly measure myself against others.
Conclusion
The world is more interconnected than ever, with everyone’s achievements shining like bright neon signs in our peripheral vision.
While it’s normal to glance over and see what others are up to, it doesn’t have to warp how you see yourself or your progress.
Grounding yourself starts with recognizing what truly matters to you, addressing the deeper beliefs that fuel comparison, and investing in tools that help you break free from unhealthy patterns.
For me, that meant redefining success on my own terms, transforming envy into a spark of inspiration, and learning that there’s no universal checklist for a satisfying life.
It also meant embracing resources like Rudá Iandê’s masterclass, which pushed me to examine the layers of beliefs that kept me trapped in other people’s timelines.
If there’s one takeaway I hope you glean from my story, it’s that your growth and fulfillment are not determined by the pace of anyone else’s achievements. Ultimately, you get to define what it means to live fully and authentically — and that is a power no highlight reel can take away.
