When I left my job in digital communications to become a writer, I thought it would be a simple leap toward a more fulfilling future.
Instead, I found myself wrestling with a deep-rooted fear that I might fail. It’s not that I didn’t want to write; I dreamed about turning my passion into a full-time endeavor.
But the nagging fear — of public judgment, of financial uncertainty, of letting my son down — nearly paralyzed me. I spent months hovering on the edge of decisions, worrying if I was “good enough” or whether my ideas were worth putting out there.
The irony is that I’d been encouraging friends and colleagues to chase their dreams for years. But when it came to my own aspirations, fear of failure kept me stuck in place. Eventually, I had to ask myself a hard question: how long was I going to let this fear hold me back?
I’ve noticed that so many of us do this. We remain in jobs we dislike or avoid starting that business we’ve always dreamed of. We sidestep the chance to go back to school or launch a creative project.
We say “it’s not the right time” or “I’m not ready yet,” but underneath these excuses is often a deep-seated fear that we’ll fail. Let’s dig into how that fear manifests, why it’s so potent, and what we can do to move beyond it.
Why fear of failure holds us back
As Sheryl Sandberg once said, “If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on.” But the truth is, sometimes we don’t even get on the rocket ship because we’re terrified we’ll crash.
Fear of failure is a powerful emotion that often stems from early experiences — like being criticized for making mistakes or feeling humiliated for getting something wrong in school.
Over time, these moments get etched into our minds, creating beliefs such as “If I fail, it means I’m incompetent” or “People will judge me if I don’t succeed.”
In a study, researchers discovered that individuals who exhibit a high fear of failure are more likely to avoid challenging tasks and risk-taking behaviors. This isn’t because they lack capability.
Rather, they’re subconsciously evading the emotional discomfort that comes from the possibility of not succeeding. That cycle of avoidance is what keeps us locked away from opportunities that might lead to genuine growth and fulfillment.
I saw this firsthand when I was contemplating quitting my old job. On one hand, I felt stifled and uninspired in corporate life. On the other, it was comfortable, and I knew the routine. Leaving meant stepping into unknown territory with no guaranteed results.
So I hesitated, fearing I’d make the wrong choice. Looking back, I realize that missing out on that leap would have been the bigger failure. Because by not even trying, I would have guaranteed zero chance of success.
How our behavior is shaped by fear
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage,” wrote Dale Carnegie. I love this quote because it captures a paradox I’ve seen in my own life and in others around me.
When we’re afraid of failing, we tend to freeze. We overthink. We keep planning and preparing without ever taking that crucial first step. Yet the more we stall, the more our doubts grow.
Sometimes, this shows up as perfectionism. We work on something for ages, never launching it or sharing it with anyone. Other times, it appears as procrastination.
We find a million smaller tasks to do instead of addressing what truly matters. It might also manifest as seeking constant reassurance from friends, family, or mentors before we’ll act.
All these behaviors aren’t laziness or ignorance; they’re protective measures. We’re trying to avoid the sting of real failure by never putting our full selves on the line.
Unfortunately, the result is that our dreams remain untested and unlived. We don’t grow, and we don’t learn. We just circle back to where we started, wishing we had the courage to take the plunge.
Acknowledging the deeper root causes
You might have read my post on letting go of external validation, where I touched on how we become stuck in patterns of approval-seeking.
Fear of failure and the desire for external validation are often close companions. We worry that if we fail, we’ll lose respect or love. This ties our sense of self-worth to performance rather than to who we are as individuals.
Another root cause is the story we tell ourselves about success. Many of us grow up equating success with a stable job, a house by a certain age, and a neat trajectory of promotions or accolades.
Deviating from these benchmarks can feel like a personal failure. It’s especially tough when society or family members reinforce the notion that the only safe path is the well-worn one.
As a single mom, I felt pressure to provide a secure environment for my son. I worried that if I took risks and failed, it wouldn’t just be me who had to face the consequences. But I realized that I also want to show him how to chase meaningful goals, even if they carry a risk of failure.
There’s a certain freedom in acknowledging this bigger ‘why’ behind my decisions. It reminds me that failure isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s often a necessary stepping stone.
Overcoming the fear through incremental steps
One of the most effective ways I’ve found to tackle fear is to break down daunting tasks into smaller ones. Instead of telling myself, “I must write a bestselling book,” I start by committing to thirty minutes of writing a day.
Once that becomes a habit, I push it to an hour. Then I share a piece with a friend for feedback. Slowly but surely, I build confidence and resilience.
Every time we take a small risk, even if it’s as simple as giving a presentation in a work meeting, we practice facing the possibility of failure in a safer environment. Whether we knock it out of the park or stumble through, we’ll come away with experience that reduces future anxiety.
I remember the first time I pitched an article to a major publication. I was shaking in my boots, convinced I wasn’t good enough. Surprisingly, the pitch was accepted.
But the real lesson was that even if it hadn’t been, I would have learned something about how to refine my approach. Fear of failing is often scarier than the failure itself. Once we confront it, we see that the boogeyman in our mind is usually far worse than reality.
Last but definitely not least: shifting your mindset
Sometimes, we need help shifting our mindset on a deeper level. Not long ago, I signed up for Rudá Iandê’s “Free Your Mind” masterclass because I wanted to understand what was truly holding me back.
I discovered that a big part of my fear was tied to self-imposed constraints — old stories and limiting beliefs I’d subconsciously carried with me for years.
The exercises in the course helped me see that I was giving my fear way too much power. By recognizing that these beliefs weren’t facts but rather learned assumptions, I began to dismantle them.
I’m not going to pretend my fear disappeared overnight, but gaining awareness was the first step toward reclaiming control. Now, even when my fear flares up, I can remind myself: this is just a learned narrative, not an absolute truth.
Of course, there are plenty of ways to do that kind of mindset work. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, mindfulness, or meditation, exploring the root causes of your fear and questioning them is what breaks the cycle.
The key is recognizing that fear is just a signal, not a stop sign. It can guide you to where you might need more preparation or self-reflection, but it doesn’t have to halt your progress entirely.
Wrapping up
For most of my life, I saw failure as the ultimate enemy. But I’ve come to realize that the fear of failing is often more damaging than failure itself. It blocks us from learning new skills, building confidence, and discovering what we’re truly capable of accomplishing.
We don’t have to eradicate fear completely. In fact, a little bit of fear can be motivating. The goal is to manage it, to reframe it as a potential ally instead of an insurmountable barrier.
Begin by taking small, meaningful steps. Make peace with the idea that failure isn’t a reflection of your entire worth. It’s simply part of the growth process.
I know how comforting it is to stay in the safe zone. It’s predictable, and there are fewer chances to be criticized or disappointed. But there are also fewer chances to succeed in a meaningful way.
As Seth Godin once noted, “If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.” The life you envision for yourself is on the other side of that fear.
So, here’s my invitation to you: let that fear spark courage instead of retreat. Know that every misstep or rejection is simply a stepping stone to something bigger.
If there’s something you’ve been dreaming about — applying to a new position, starting a creative venture, forging a different life path — take one small step forward today. Even if it’s imperfect, even if you feel a little shaky, you’ll be sending a message to yourself that your dreams are worth the risk.
And once you begin, you might just find that failing isn’t the catastrophe you feared. It’s an experience — one that can fuel your next chapter, broaden your horizons, and bring you closer to the life you really want.
