- Tension: In a world that often rewards external achievements, many individuals grapple with the internal uncertainty of whether they truly understand themselves.
- Noise: Society frequently equates self-awareness with perfection or constant positivity, overlooking the nuanced, ongoing process of introspection and personal growth.
- Direct Message: Genuine self-awareness is cultivated through everyday practices—like reflecting on experiences, acknowledging emotions, and aligning actions with core values—empowering individuals to navigate life with authenticity and purpose.
This article follows the Direct Message methodology, designed to cut through the noise and reveal the deeper truths behind the stories we live.
We often talk about self-awareness as though it’s something you either have or you don’t. But in truth, it’s a skill—one that you develop over time through consistent introspection, learning from mistakes, and paying close attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Self-awareness isn’t about perfection. It’s about understanding who you are, how you show up in different situations, and what drives your actions. It’s also about being open to feedback and growth.
In my own life, especially after going through a life-changing divorce and transitioning from corporate communications to writing, I’ve found that the more I sharpened my self-awareness, the more confident and grounded I became.
But how do you know you’re truly on the right path? Based on my experience (and a bit of research sprinkled in), here are nine habits that indicate you’ve got a pretty good handle on self-awareness. If you find yourself nodding along to at least six of these, consider yourself ahead of the game.
1. You reflect on your daily experiences
Do you ever find yourself taking a moment—after a heated meeting, a parenting challenge, or a social gathering—to pause and think: “How did that go? Could I have reacted differently?” If yes, congratulations. That’s a big sign of self-awareness.
I used to rush from task to task, barely giving my brain time to process what had just happened. But one day, while sipping on a cup of tea in my favorite local cafe, I realized that taking five minutes to reflect on my day made a world of difference.
I started noticing patterns—like how I’d get impatient when I felt under pressure, or how I’d feel a pang of anxiety whenever a certain issue at work was mentioned. By simply pausing to reflect, I became more conscious of my triggers.
Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich has noted that while 95% of people believe they’re self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are. Regular self-reflection is one of the practical ways to move into that 10-15%.
2. You acknowledge your emotions instead of burying them
We all experience complex emotions—frustration, jealousy, sadness, excitement—sometimes all in the same day. The question is, do you tend to ignore or suppress those feelings, or do you face them head-on?
Self-aware individuals understand that their emotions are valuable signals, not inconveniences. They recognize what they’re feeling, name it (“I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m feeling guilty”), and then decide how to handle it. That might mean stepping away for a moment, journaling, or talking things out with a trusted friend or professional.
I learned this lesson the hard way when I realized I was snapping at my son after a stressful workday. Instead of shrugging it off with a “Ugh, I’m just tired,” I began to unpack my mood: “I’m feeling overwhelmed because of a looming deadline.”
Acknowledging my stress allowed me to address it more constructively—like putting aside 20 minutes for a quick meditation or mindful breathing.
3. You own your mistakes and learn from them
Think about the last time something went wrong. Did you automatically blame someone else or external circumstances? Or did you pause and consider how your actions or decisions might have contributed?
Being able to say, “I messed up, and here’s what I learned,” is a cornerstone of self-awareness. It means you’re not letting pride or defensiveness stand in the way of personal growth.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s a minor slip-up, like forgetting an appointment, or a bigger misstep, like mishandling a conflict at work—the mindset is the same: “How can I grow from this?”
Personally, I had a moment early in my writing career when I neglected to double-check my sources and ended up citing some inaccurate data. I could have quietly edited it and moved on.
Instead, I acknowledged my mistake with my editor and explained how I’d avoid a repeat. Let me tell you—owning your errors isn’t fun in the moment, but it builds credibility with others and deepens respect for yourself.
4. You listen more than you speak
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen Covey famously said this, and it’s a quote that has shaped how I approach conversations in my personal and professional life. People who are self-aware recognize that every dialogue is a chance to learn something new—about themselves, about others, or about a situation.
If you’re the kind of person who asks follow-up questions, maintains eye contact (or genuine attentiveness on a call), and gives the other person space to express themselves fully, you’re probably practicing mindful listening.
That’s a sign you’re aware of how you show up in conversations—and how your responses can either encourage or stifle meaningful dialogue.
5. You seek feedback from people you trust
Sometimes, we can’t see ourselves clearly without a mirror. Even the most introspective among us have blind spots, and that’s where external feedback comes in.
A friend, a mentor, or a supportive coworker can often spot patterns in our behavior that we’re too close to notice. For instance, they might observe that we’re consistently fidgety or seem distracted in meetings, even if we thought we were coming across as calm and collected.
Here at DM News, we are big fans of leveraging feedback loops for personal growth. Getting honest input is an act of courage—it requires humility and a willingness to hear things that might sting.
But the insights you gain are invaluable. If you regularly seek out constructive criticism and use it to refine how you operate, you’re already ahead in the self-awareness department.
6. You understand your values and live by them
Have you ever made a decision that didn’t align with your core values, and immediately felt a pit in your stomach? It’s that unsettling sensation that comes when your actions veer away from what truly matters to you.
One hallmark of a self-aware individual is clarity about personal values—like integrity, empathy, family, creativity, or freedom—and making choices that reflect those values.
It could be as simple as choosing a job that supports your need for work-life balance (like I did when I made the leap from corporate to a more flexible writing schedule), or as significant as distancing yourself from relationships that are toxic or draining.
When you’re crystal clear on what you stand for, you make fewer compromises on the things that matter most. And that consistency in actions, rooted in real conviction, is a major sign of self-awareness.
7. You set and respect personal boundaries
Boundaries aren’t just about telling someone, “No, I can’t babysit your cat this weekend.” They’re about safeguarding your mental, emotional, and physical well-being so you can show up as your best self.
Do you find yourself feeling guilty for needing alone time? Or do you end up resentful because people push you to do things you’re not comfortable with? When you’re self-aware, you know your limits and communicate them clearly—not out of selfishness, but out of respect for yourself and others.
I still recall the moment I realized I needed to set firmer boundaries at work. I was answering emails at midnight, losing sleep, and feeling like a frazzled ball of nerves.
Eventually, I told my colleagues that my emails wouldn’t be answered past 7 p.m. (unless there was a true emergency). And guess what? Nobody panicked. And my stress levels dropped significantly.
8. You notice your triggers and manage them effectively
We’ve all got those little buttons that, once pressed, can send us into an emotional tailspin. Maybe it’s a certain tone of voice that reminds you of a critical family member, or an offhand remark from a friend that stings more than it should.
Self-aware people don’t pretend they’re immune to triggers; they simply know what those triggers are and have strategies to cope.
For me, feeling rushed first thing in the morning is a major trigger. If I’m trying to get my son to school and the clock is ticking, my patience can wear thin pretty quickly.
So I plan extra time into the morning routine, even if that means waking up 15 minutes earlier. It’s a small change, but it helps me stay calmer and more pleasant to be around.
As Sheryl Sandberg has said, “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.” That’s why identifying triggers is so crucial: once you know them, you can do something about them.
9. You know your strengths—and your weaknesses
Last but definitely not least, individuals who are self-aware recognize what they’re good at and where they struggle. They’re not shy about claiming their strengths, and they’re also not defensive about their weaknesses. Instead, they find ways to work around those weaker areas or improve them if necessary.
For instance, I’m quite good at brainstorming creative ideas and writing my heart out, but I tend to be less organized when it comes to administrative tasks.
Instead of pretending that I’m suddenly going to morph into an ultra-organized wizard, I use scheduling tools and set aside time for the boring-but-necessary bits like invoicing and planning.
This balanced perspective—knowing when to own your expertise and when to seek help—is a true sign of being in tune with who you are.
Wrapping up
So, how many of these nine habits ring true for you? If you can confidently say you do at least six of them (most of the time, anyway), you’re probably more self-aware than the average person.
But even if you don’t hit that magic number, don’t sweat it. Self-awareness is a continuous journey—one that unfolds as we try, fail, adjust, and grow.
The real takeaway here is that being self-aware isn’t about walking around with a spotlight on your every thought. It’s about being curious and open, recognizing that each moment provides a chance to understand yourself a little better.
And remember, every step you take toward greater self-awareness is also a step toward deeper fulfillment, stronger relationships, and a sense of alignment in all you do.
So keep listening to that inner voice, keep reflecting on your experiences, and keep welcoming insights from those you trust. Every day is an opportunity to become more of the person you want to be—and that, at its core, is what true self-awareness is all about.
