People can be unkind to themselves in ways they would never be to a friend. I’m sure many of us have found ourselves in that spiral at one point or another—hyper-focusing on our flaws, discounting our strengths, and treating even small missteps like catastrophes.
Then there are those people who seem to have broken free from their inner critic altogether. They’re not perfect, and they certainly still make mistakes, but they don’t go into self-destruct mode when they slip up. Instead, they remain grounded, learn from the experience, and move on.
So, what’s different about them? And what habits have they adopted to silence that nagging inner voice? Let’s take a look at a few key indicators that someone has learned to rise above the tyranny of their own negative self-talk.
1) They embrace self-compassion
One of the biggest signs that someone is no longer their own worst critic is that they’ve learned to treat themselves with kindness and understanding. It’s almost cliché to mention “self-love,” but the truth is that having compassion for yourself is a game-changer.
I learned this the hard way. In my previous life as a digital marketer, I was juggling multiple projects at once, chasing tight deadlines, and harshly judging myself if anything went sideways. It got to a point where I realized the person being the most unfair to me was—well—me.
The stress was off the charts. Eventually, I started practicing mindfulness and deliberately talking to myself the way I’d talk to a good friend who was in a tough spot. That simple switch changed everything.
It’s backed by research, too. According to findings from the University of Texas at Austin, people who practice self-compassion show lower levels of anxiety and depression. Instead of calling themselves names, they ask, “What can I learn from this?” This perspective not only reduces stress but also enhances emotional resilience.
2) They focus on learning over perfection
Have you ever noticed that the people who are hardest on themselves tend to be perfectionists? They dwell on tiny mistakes and beat themselves up over things that most people wouldn’t even bat an eye at. But individuals who’ve broken free from self-criticism usually see mistakes as lessons rather than failings.
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success,” Dale Carnegie once wrote. I couldn’t agree more.
Embracing the idea that mistakes are stepping stones transforms your mindset completely. You’re no longer obsessing over what went wrong; you’re focusing on what you can do better next time.
3) They celebrate small wins
Another habit I’ve noticed: they don’t wait for big, flashy victories to validate themselves. Even little milestones—finishing that long-overdue task, sticking to a new habit for a week, or finally tackling an intimidating phone call—are met with a sense of pride.
I’ve mentioned this before but celebrating small wins fosters an environment where you build confidence incrementally. I used to dismiss my own mini-achievements because they felt too trivial.
Over time, though, I realized that when you learn to appreciate these smaller successes, you’re less likely to dwell on the things that haven’t gone perfectly. And ironically, that feeling of progress pushes you to keep moving forward.
Gary Vaynerchuk famously said, “Macro patience, micro speed.” While it’s typically about business strategy, I think it also applies to how we treat ourselves daily. Take it step by step, celebrate the journey, but remain patient with the bigger picture.
4) They surround themselves with supportive people
No one exists in a vacuum.
People who’ve silenced the harsh voice within have usually built a support network around themselves—friends, mentors, or colleagues—who encourage them to keep pushing forward without the negativity. They spend their time around individuals who champion constructive feedback rather than snarky criticism.
I once worked with someone who absolutely radiated positivity. She was on a team with me in a digital marketing agency, and any time one of us made a mistake, she’d say, “So what? That’s how we figure things out.”
It rubbed off on me so much that I started seeking out more people like her—people who see the best in others and gently hold them accountable, rather than tearing them down.
Here at DM News, we firmly believe that the right community can make a world of difference. When you know you’ve got a handful of folks rooting for you and giving you honest but uplifting feedback, it becomes easier to avoid those destructive bouts of self-blame.
5) They practice mindful self-talk
Ever catch yourself saying things like “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never figure this out” when you’ve messed up? People who have kicked the habit of self-criticism typically keep tabs on that kind of negative self-talk. They don’t let it slide. Instead, they reframe it.
Let’s say they’re working on a presentation and it doesn’t go as planned. Instead of “I’m terrible at public speaking,” they might say, “I got stuck a couple of times, but next time, I’ll practice a bit more beforehand.” It’s not sugarcoating reality; it’s just a more accurate, constructive take on what happened.
This is backed by experts like Cal Newport, who has noted that developing a deep focus on improvement over condemnation helps you channel your energy into mastery. Think about it: every time you shame yourself, you’re draining mental fuel that could be used to figure out how to do better next time.
6) They allow themselves to rest and recharge
I can’t overstate how important this is.
When I first started writing on psychology and daily decision-making, I noticed that a lot of the most balanced, self-accepting people I spoke to had a common theme: they respect their own limits. They don’t brag about running on three hours of sleep or pushing through exhaustion as if it’s a badge of honor.
They take breaks, go for walks, read a book, or do absolutely nothing for a bit. They understand that rest is part of the cycle of growth. If you’re relentlessly criticizing yourself for not doing more, you probably don’t allow yourself any downtime. And that’s a one-way ticket to burnout.
I used to be terrible at this—pulling late nights, telling myself I should be “hustling” more. But ironically, the more drained I became, the louder that negative voice in my head grew.
Once I set healthier boundaries, my stress levels dropped, and so did my inclination to beat myself up. It’s a lesson in self-care that I’d recommend to anyone who’s struggling with harsh self-criticism.
7) They reflect on their progress instead of their shortcomings
Another habit common among those who’ve shed their inner critic is that they routinely pause to look at how far they’ve come, rather than obsessing over where they’re not yet. It’s a slight shift in perspective, but it pays dividends.
Tim Ferriss, a well-known productivity guru, often says that measuring your progress is crucial for staying motivated.
People who keep track of what they’ve accomplished—whether it’s through journaling or just a brief mental recap at the end of the week—are more in tune with their growth trajectory. They see the positive pattern forming, which builds confidence and helps them silence those nagging doubts.
8) They approach feedback as a tool, not a weapon
Last but not least, let’s talk about feedback. People who’ve moved past relentless self-criticism tend to view outside critiques or advice as tools for improvement.
They aren’t defensive, but they also don’t let someone else’s opinions send them into a tailspin of self-doubt. Instead, they pick apart the feedback, separate what’s useful from what isn’t, and then act on the good bits.
I remember early in my writing career, I dreaded feedback so much that I’d delay opening an email from an editor if I suspected criticism. Over time, though, I realized that the edits were steering me toward better work.
That shift in perspective meant I wasn’t piling on guilt for not being perfect. Instead, I was excited to see how I could improve.
As Seth Godin has said, “The secret to being wrong isn’t to avoid being wrong! The secret is being willing to be wrong.” Once you see honest feedback as a gift, it becomes far easier to grow without beating yourself up.
Putting it all together
We’ve all battled with that inner voice that calls us out for every little thing, but it doesn’t have to be a lifelong fight. The people who’ve broken free from relentless self-criticism didn’t get there by magic.
They actively cultivated habits of self-compassion, mindful language, learning from mistakes, celebrating every win, building a strong community, taking real breaks, tracking progress, and viewing feedback as part of the process rather than an indictment of their worth.
If you’re someone who still struggles with being your own harshest judge, consider adopting even one of these habits. Over time, you might find that the inner critic loses its power.
And if you’ve already made strides in this direction, great—keep reinforcing those habits. After all, with each step we take toward becoming more self-compassionate, we free up energy and creativity for the things that truly matter in our lives.
Thanks for reading, and here’s to building kinder, gentler conversations with the one person we’re always stuck with: ourselves. Remember, here at DM News we love to provide insights on the little shifts that can make a big difference.
If you’re looking for more tips on maintaining a healthy mindset, stay tuned—we’ve got plenty more where these came from.
