Feeling taken for granted can really sting. Often, it’s not the other person but our own habits that allow this to happen.
There are certain behaviors we unconsciously do that invite others to overlook our worth.
The good news is, by identifying and tossing these habits aside, we can stop being taken for granted and start being truly appreciated.
Here’s a sneak peek into some of those habits that you should say goodbye to, if you don’t want people to take you for granted.
1) Always saying yes
In an effort to be helpful and liked, many of us have the habit of always saying “Yes” to everything.
You may think that being constantly available and agreeable makes you indispensable. In reality, it often leads people to take you for granted.
They assume that you’ll always be there, ready to jump in whenever they need something. This can result in them overlooking your value and contributions.
Saying “No” occasionally doesn’t mean you’re not helpful or kind. It simply sets boundaries and communicates that your time and efforts are valuable.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs and wellbeing. Start practicing the art of saying “No” when necessary, and watch how people’s perception of you changes.
2) Undervaluing myself
I’ll share a personal example here. For a long time, I had a habit of undervaluing myself. I constantly downplayed my achievements and always considered others’ needs before mine.
I remember working on a project where I did most of the legwork, but when it came to taking credit, I held back. I didn’t want to seem boastful and made it seem like it was a collective effort.
Over time, I realized this habit was leading people to take me for granted. They assumed that I would always be the one to step back, letting them shine while my contributions got overlooked.
It took some effort, but I started recognizing and communicating my worth. I began taking credit where it was due, asserting my opinions, and prioritizing my needs without feeling guilty.
And guess what? People started respecting me more and taking me less for granted. It’s not about being selfish or arrogant; it’s about acknowledging your value and making sure others do too.
3) Over-apologizing
Apologizing is a good habit when you’ve done something wrong. But, when “I’m sorry” becomes your default response to every situation, it diminishes your self-esteem and invites others to undervalue you.
Research has shown that women tend to apologize more than men, not because they’re necessarily more polite but because they have a lower threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior.
Over-apologizing can also give the impression that you’re perpetually at fault, making it easier for others to take you for granted.
Instead, reserve your apologies for when they’re truly needed. Use assertive but polite language in other situations. For instance, instead of saying “I’m sorry for being late,” you could say “Thank you for your patience.” This subtle shift can make a big difference in how people perceive and treat you.
4) Neglecting self-care
Taking care of others can be a rewarding experience, but not at the expense of neglecting your own needs.
When you’re always putting others first, you might end up feeling drained and unappreciated. And people might start taking your efforts for granted, seeing them as a given rather than something to be grateful for.
It’s important to remember that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for maintaining your emotional, mental, and physical health.
When you take time for yourself—whether it’s pursuing a hobby, exercising, or just relaxing—you’re signaling to others that your time and wellbeing are important.
If you want others to value you, start by valuing yourself. Prioritize self-care and make it a regular part of your routine. You’ll likely find that when you respect your own needs, others will too.
5) Hiding true feelings
Emotions are a core part of who we are. They make us human, and sharing them connects us to others. Yet, many of us hide our true feelings in an attempt to maintain harmony or avoid conflict.
I understand it’s not always easy to express how you feel, especially if you’re worried about how others might react. But bottling up your emotions can lead to feeling underappreciated and taken for granted.
If something bothers you, speak up about it. If you’re happy about something, share the joy. Letting others know how you truly feel can foster deeper connections and mutual appreciation.
Remember, your feelings matter. Don’t let them be overlooked or taken for granted. Choose to express them honestly and kindly, and encourage others to do the same.
6) Ignoring my gut instincts
There was a time when I overlooked my gut instincts, thinking that logic and reason should always reign supreme.
Once, I was working on a project that didn’t feel right from the start. Despite my reservations, I pressed on, believing that my doubts were just unfounded fears. In the end, the project fell through and I felt undervalued and overlooked.
Now, I understand the importance of trusting my instincts. Our gut feelings are often an accumulation of subtle cues and experiences that our conscious mind may not immediately recognize.
If something doesn’t feel right—be it a job, a relationship, or a decision—it’s important to pay attention to that feeling. It might save you from situations where you might be taken for granted.
Trust yourself more. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for.
7) Failing to set boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships and preventing others from taking you for granted.
Boundaries define what’s acceptable behavior towards you and what’s not. They show others how you expect to be treated.
Without clear boundaries, people might unknowingly overstep and make you feel undervalued or disrespected.
Start by identifying where you need boundaries. It could be your time, your personal space, or your need for respect. Then, communicate these boundaries clearly but kindly.
Remember, it’s not about being rigid or aggressive; it’s about respecting yourself and teaching others to do the same.
8) Accepting less than you deserve
The most crucial habit to break if you don’t want to be taken for granted is accepting less than you deserve.
Whether it’s in your personal relationships or your professional life, settling for less can make you feel undervalued and overlooked. It also sets a precedent for others to not fully value your contributions.
Recognize your worth and refuse to settle for anything less. You deserve to be appreciated and valued just like anyone else. Stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve. Because ultimately, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-respect
At the heart of all these habits is a foundational element: self-respect.
It’s easy to think that if we please others, go along with their desires, and continuously put ourselves last, we’ll be appreciated. But in reality, this often leads to being undervalued and taken for granted.
When you respect yourself—your time, your abilities, your feelings—you set the bar for how others should treat you.
Every journey starts with a single step. Even if you identify with all the habits we’ve discussed, start small. Choose one to focus on and make a conscious effort to change it.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
As the timeless saying goes, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” But equally important is to “Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.”
In the end, you teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce. It’s time to stop allowing yourself to be taken for granted.
