Feeling unheard as a child can leave a lasting impact that follows you into adulthood.
It’s like you’re speaking, but the words are falling on deaf ears. Or you’re shouting, but only getting echoes in return.
In adulthood, this can translate into a series of struggles that you might not even realize stem from your childhood experiences.
This article will delve into eight struggles that might seem all too familiar if you grew up feeling unheard. So, let’s uncover these struggles and hopefully, help you understand yourself a bit better.
1) Difficulty in expressing emotions
If you grew up feeling unheard, chances are, you learned to hold your emotions in.
You might have discovered that expressing your feelings often led to dismissal or even ridicule. So, you learned to bottle up your feelings instead.
This coping mechanism might have served you as a child, but in adulthood, it can lead to a whole host of problems. From difficulty in maintaining relationships to mental health issues, the inability to express emotions can be a serious struggle.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it. Remember, it’s okay to express how you feel – your emotions are valid and deserve to be heard.
2) Struggling to trust others
Coming from a place of not feeling heard, it’s easy to develop a mistrust in people. I can personally vouch for this.
Growing up, I often felt that my voice was overlooked. My opinions, my feelings, my thoughts – they all seemed to be brushed aside as if they were of no consequence. This led me to believe that people aren’t genuinely interested in what I have to say.
Now as an adult, I find myself struggling with trust. It’s hard for me to believe that someone genuinely cares about my thoughts or feelings. This struggle affects relationships and even hinders my professional growth at times.
It’s a constant battle, but recognizing this struggle is a step towards overcoming it. Trust is something that can be built over time, and it starts with believing in the validity of your own voice.
3) Sensitivity to criticism
When a child’s thoughts and feelings are consistently ignored, they may grow up feeling that their ideas aren’t valuable. This can evolve into a heightened sensitivity to criticism in adulthood.
A study published in the Journal of Personality found that individuals who experienced neglect or emotional abuse in childhood were more likely to be hypersensitive to criticism. Even constructive feedback can be perceived as a personal attack, leading to defensive responses and heightened stress levels.
Understanding this link between childhood experiences and adult reactions can help in developing healthier ways to accept and respond to criticism.
4) Overcompensating by becoming overly vocal
When your voice was often silenced as a child, you might grow up trying to overcompensate in adulthood. This can manifest in becoming overly vocal or assertive, almost to the point of aggression.
You may find yourself speaking louder or more frequently, trying to ensure that your voice is heard this time around. It could lead to interruptions, talking over others or dominating conversations.
While it’s essential to make sure your voice is heard, it’s also crucial to strike a balance. Learning to listen and respect others’ voices is just as important as expressing your own.
5) The constant need for validation
Imagine a young tree, struggling for sunlight beneath the dense canopy of a forest. It stretches and grows in peculiar ways, striving to reach the light it needs to thrive.
Similarly, when you’ve been unheard as a child, you might find yourself constantly reaching out for validation in your adult life. This could be in the form of seeking approval for your actions, decisions, or even for your very existence.
You might find yourself feeling incomplete without external validation, and that’s okay. It’s a struggle born out of a deep-rooted need that wasn’t fulfilled during your formative years.
Recognize this need, but also remember that true validation comes from within. Your worth is not determined by others’ approval but by how you perceive and value yourself.
6) Fear of confrontation
I’ve always found confrontations to be particularly challenging. It feels like walking on thin ice, where one wrong step could lead to disaster.
This fear emanates from a childhood where my voice was often silenced. Expressing disagreement or standing up for myself was met with disapproval or dismissal, which made confrontations feel unsafe.
In adulthood, this translates into avoiding confrontations at all costs. I tend to agree even when I don’t, or stay silent when I should speak up, just to avoid potential conflict.
But it’s essential to realize that healthy confrontation is a part of life and growth. It’s about expressing your thoughts and standing your ground, not about winning or losing. It’s a struggle I’m still working on, and maybe you are too.
7) Difficulty in setting boundaries
If your voice was often overlooked as a child, setting boundaries as an adult can be a real struggle.
You might find it challenging to say ‘no’ or express your discomfort in certain situations. This could lead to people taking advantage of your inability to set firm boundaries.
The fear of being disliked or rejected might hold you back from asserting your needs. But remember, setting boundaries is not about pleasing others, but about protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is a crucial step towards ensuring that your voice is heard and respected.
8) Low self-esteem
The most significant impact of not being heard as a child can be a deep-seated sense of low self-esteem.
When your voice is consistently ignored, it’s easy to internalize the belief that your thoughts and feelings are unimportant or invalid. This can lead to an overall feeling of worthlessness and a lack of confidence.
However, it’s crucial to know that your worth is not determined by how much attention or approval you receive from others. It’s intrinsic and unchangeable.
Your voice matters. Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are valid. And you deserve to be heard, always.
Embrace the journey to healing
Feeling unheard as a child can leave invisible scars that echo into adulthood. It can shape how we interact with others, how we view ourselves, and how we navigate through life.
These struggles, while challenging, are not definitive of who you are or what you are capable of. They are merely echoes of a past that did not honor your voice.
Remember the words of Carl Jung, renowned psychiatrist and psychoanalyst: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
The journey towards healing may be difficult, filled with moments of self-doubt and discomfort. But it’s also a journey towards reclaiming your voice, acknowledging your worth, and nurturing your inner strength.
Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. You matter.
So, as you reflect on these struggles and embark on your journey to healing, remember this: You deserve to be heard. Always.
