There’s a common misconception that real love is all about that initial spark.
But let me tell you, it’s more than just a flutter in your heart or butterflies in your stomach.
Real love is built on solid emotional foundations, seven to be exact.
It’s the stuff that keeps relationships strong, even when the spark fades a little. It’s what keeps you committed, even when things get tough.
In this article, we’ll uncover the seven emotional foundations that real love is built on. Prepare to dig deep, because love isn’t just about the spark, it’s about building something lasting.
1) Mutual respect
First up, and arguably most important, is mutual respect.
Real love isn’t just about hearts and flowers, it’s about genuinely respecting the person you’re with.
That means respecting their decisions, their choices, their feelings, and their individuality. It’s not about trying to change them into someone they’re not, but rather appreciating them for who they are.
This respect extends to all aspects of your relationship. From the way you communicate with each other, right down to the way you handle disagreements.
Because let’s face it, no relationship is without its ups and downs. But when there’s mutual respect, even the rough patches can be navigated more smoothly.
Remember, it’s not the spark that sustains a relationship, it’s the emotional foundations that hold everything together. And mutual respect is a cornerstone in that foundation.
2) Authentic communication
Next in line is authentic communication, something I’ve personally learned the hard way.
I remember being in a relationship where everything seemed perfect on the surface. We shared laughs, had a great time together, but we always shied away from deep, meaningful conversations.
Over time, I realized we were just skimming the surface of our relationship, avoiding any discussion that could lead to conflict or discomfort. This lack of authentic communication led to misunderstandings, assumptions, and eventually, our breakup.
Real love demands courage to communicate authentically. It’s about being open about your feelings, fears, and aspirations. It’s about listening actively to your partner and understanding their perspective.
This kind of communication nurtures trust and understanding – key pillars in the foundation of real love. Trust me, a relationship with authentic communication is far more rewarding and resilient than one built on superficial conversations.
3) Emotional availability
Emotional availability is a key foundation in any loving relationship.
It means being able to open up and share your feelings, as well as being receptive to your partner’s emotions.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that couples who are emotionally available to each other, not only have stronger relationships, but also have better physical health.
Being emotionally available allows couples to navigate through life’s highs and lows together, offering support when needed, and celebrating joys collectively. It’s about being present, both physically and emotionally, creating a bond that goes beyond just the spark.
4) Shared values
Another essential foundation for real love to thrive on is shared values.
It’s not necessary to agree on every little thing, but having a common ground on core values is crucial.
These could be beliefs about honesty, commitment, kindness, or even views on money and family. When two people share the same values, it forms an invisible bond that strengthens their relationship.
These shared values guide your decisions as a couple and help shape the future of your relationship. It’s like a compass, guiding you through the journey of love, ensuring you’re both headed in the same direction.
So yes, the initial spark might draw you to a person, but shared values are what keep you together in the long run.
5) Patience
Patience is a virtue that becomes particularly important when it comes to love.
I remember a time in my life when I was dealing with some personal issues. I was irritable, snapped easily, and wasn’t the easiest person to be around. But my partner, instead of getting upset or walking away, showed immense patience.
They knew I was going through a rough patch and gave me the time and space I needed. They didn’t rush me or pressurise me to ‘get back to normal’. Their patience helped me heal and made our bond stronger.
True love isn’t just about enjoying the good times together, but also about being patient during the tough times. It’s about understanding that everyone has their own pace and giving them the space to grow at their own speed.
6) Trust
Trust is a bedrock upon which the edifice of real love is built.
Without trust, even the strongest of relationships can crumble. It’s about believing in your partner, in their words, their actions, and their intentions.
It isn’t just about trusting them around other people, but also trusting them with your feelings, your insecurities, your secrets. It’s about knowing that they won’t use these against you or betray your confidence.
It takes time to build trust, but once established, it can make your relationship virtually unshakeable. Trust me on this one, a relationship without trust is like a car without fuel – it just won’t go very far.
7) Unconditional love
The ultimate emotional foundation of real love is unconditional love.
It’s about loving your partner for who they are, without any ifs, buts or conditions. It’s about accepting them with their flaws and imperfections, and loving them just the same.
It’s about standing by their side, not just when things are rosy, but also when they’re not. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t waver with circumstances or change with time.
Unconditional love is what real love is all about. It’s the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.
Concluding thoughts: The real essence of love
The complexities of real love extend far beyond the initial spark or physical attraction.
As psychologist Erich Fromm beautifully articulated in his book “The Art of Loving”, “Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.”
The practice of real love is deeply rooted in the seven emotional foundations we’ve discussed: mutual respect, authentic communication, emotional availability, shared values, patience, trust, and unconditional love.
These foundational elements act as the pillars that hold up the beautiful edifice of real love. They offer strength and stability, even when the initial spark fades.
So as we navigate the intricate paths of love and relationships, let’s remember to focus on building these foundations. Because real love isn’t just about the spark, it’s about creating something that lasts – a bond that stands the test of time and life’s many challenges.
In this journey of love, it’s these foundations that will guide us towards a fulfilling relationship filled with understanding, respect, and genuine affection. And isn’t that what real love is all about?
