Let’s be honest—everyone wants to be that grandparent.
You know the one. The grandkids actually look forward to visiting. The adult children brag about them. The kind of grandparent whose home feels warm, welcoming, and safe. Someone who isn’t just loved, but liked.
If that’s your goal, there are a few habits you might need to gently let go of—especially the ones that can quietly drive a wedge between generations.
Here are 9 common behaviors to leave behind if you want to be the grandparent your family adores.
1. Constantly criticizing or correcting
Nobody likes to feel judged—especially not your adult children or grandkids.
If every visit turns into a subtle critique (how they parent, what they’re wearing, how they clean, what they eat), people will start keeping their distance.
Even if your advice is coming from love, it can come off as controlling or negative.
💡 Try this instead: Offer encouragement first. If you really need to say something, ask permission. A simple “Mind if I offer a suggestion?” goes a long way.
2. Bringing up “back in my day” every five minutes
We get it—things were different when you were young. But if every story or conversation starts with “Well, when I was your age…”, it can start to sound like a lecture.
It may feel nostalgic to you, but to your grandkids, it can feel like you’re just dismissing their struggles.
💡 Try this instead: Share your stories when they naturally fit into a conversation—but stay curious about their world, too. Ask questions. Show interest. Balance the past with the present.
3. Forcing hugs, kisses, or affection
Physical affection should always be a choice—even with grandchildren.
Forcing hugs or kisses, especially when kids pull away or look uncomfortable, can make them feel like their boundaries don’t matter.
And trust me, they’ll remember that feeling.
💡 Try this instead: Respect their space. Let affection happen naturally. When a child chooses to hug you, it means so much more.
4. Undermining the parents’ rules
This one’s tricky.
It can be tempting to sneak candy, let bedtime slide, or say “Don’t tell your mom” when you bend the rules. After all, it’s fun to be the cool grandparent, right?
But if you consistently undermine your children’s parenting decisions, it can create tension—and possibly resentment.
💡 Try this instead: Support the parents’ boundaries, even if you don’t agree with every single one. You can still have fun without crossing the line.
5. Over-gifting or “buying” affection
Yes, gifts are lovely. But some grandparents go overboard, thinking the more they spend, the more they’ll be loved.
Unfortunately, this can backfire—especially if it creates comparison, guilt, or tension between family members.
💡 Try this instead: Focus on time, not things. Most kids won’t remember what you bought them, but they’ll never forget the way you made them feel.
6. Talking too much and listening too little
You might have a lot to say—and decades of wisdom to share—but one of the best things you can do as a grandparent is learn to listen.
Many grandparents dominate the conversation without realizing it, especially when they’re excited to talk.
But listening deeply (without interrupting or steering things back to your own stories) makes others feel heard and valued.
💡 Try this instead: Ask open-ended questions. Let your grandkids and adult children talk. Be curious, not just conversational.
7. Being glued to your phone or the TV
Kids notice. Adults do too.
If you’re always distracted—checking messages, scrolling social media, or half-watching the news—people can feel like they’re not really worth your full attention.
Presence matters more than perfection.
💡 Try this instead: Be fully there when you’re with family. Put your phone down. Turn the TV off. Look them in the eyes. It makes a bigger impact than you think.
8. Using guilt to get attention
Guilt is a silent relationship killer.
Comments like “You never call me anymore” or “I guess I’m just not important to you” might come from a place of sadness, but they can create distance instead of connection.
Over time, family members start to associate being around you with pressure or obligation—not joy.
💡 Try this instead: Express your feelings honestly without blame. Say, “I really miss you—I’d love to see you more if you have time.” Keep it warm, not heavy.
9. Expecting your family to revolve around you
You’ve raised your kids. Now they’re grown, and they’re doing their best.
But some grandparents still expect every holiday, visit, or decision to accommodate them. They get upset when plans change, or when they’re not prioritized 100% of the time.
The truth? Families are juggling a lot—work, kids, mental health, money, time. Being flexible, supportive, and understanding will make you the grandparent everyone feels lucky to have.
💡 Try this instead: Be gracious. Be easy to be around. The more relaxed and supportive you are, the more people will naturally want to include you.
Final thoughts: The best grandparents grow with the times
Being a beloved grandparent isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about being present. Kind. Respectful. Curious. And most of all—willing to grow.
Your role as a grandparent is powerful. You have the chance to be a safe place in someone’s life, a source of joy, and a well of wisdom they’ll draw from for decades.
But to truly be adored? That takes intention.
Let go of the habits that push people away, and lean into the ones that bring you closer.
After all, the most cherished grandparents aren’t the ones who did everything right—but the ones who loved well, listened often, and always made people feel like they mattered.
