There’s a deep chasm between being a parent and understanding your child. Often, as they grow into adults, our children may emotionally distance themselves from us, leaving us wondering why.
This emotional withdrawal can be heart-wrenching and confusing. You wonder if you’ve done something wrong or if they’re going through something they’re not telling you about.
Understanding why your adult child has pulled away can be a complex task. And yet, there are certain behaviors that might be inadvertently causing this distance.
In this article, we’re going to explore seven such behaviors that could be pushing your adult children away, with the hope that by recognizing them, we can start to build bridges again.
1) Lack of open communication
One of the most significant factors that can lead to emotional withdrawal is the lack of open communication.
As parents, we’ve a distinctive role in our children’s lives, which doesn’t end when they become adults. But, often, we might not realize that our way of communicating may be causing an unintended rift.
Do you remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your adult child? A conversation that involved more listening than lecturing? If it’s been a while, then this could be one of the reasons why they’re pulling away.
Adult children crave understanding and respect just like any other individual. If they feel their thoughts and feelings are dismissed or not taken seriously, they might choose to withdraw emotionally to protect themselves.
Remember, open communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about listening to understand, not to respond. So next time you converse with your adult child, make sure it’s a two-way dialogue, and not a one-way monologue.
2) Overstepping boundaries
I’ve learned this the hard way – respecting boundaries is essential, especially when dealing with adult children.
There was a time when my eldest, Sara, was going through a tough phase in her career. I, being the protective mother, took it upon myself to call her boss and discuss her situation. I thought I was helping. But boy, was I wrong.
Sara felt embarrassed and betrayed. She had confided in me and I had overstepped the boundary she had set for her professional life. It took a while for her to open up to me again after that incident.
This personal experience taught me a valuable lesson: our adult children need their space and independence. They need the freedom to make their own decisions and learn from their own experiences.
It’s essential to respect their boundaries, even if it means watching them stumble once in a while. It’s part of their journey into adulthood and a crucial aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship with them.
3) Being overly critical
When we constantly criticize our children, it can make them feel lesser and inadequate. This often pushes them to withdraw emotionally to shield themselves from the constant negativity.
It’s natural to want the best for our children and to guide them when we see them making mistakes. But there’s a thin line between constructive feedback and being overly critical.
Instead of highlighting what they’re doing wrong, focus on their strengths and achievements. Encourage them to learn from their mistakes rather than berating them for it. This positive reinforcement can help build their confidence and maintain a healthy, open relationship with you.
4) Inflexibility
Change is an inevitable part of life, and it can be challenging for us to adapt to it, especially when it comes to our children growing up.
Our adult children will have their own set of beliefs, values, and lifestyles, which might be starkly different from ours. But being inflexible or unaccepting of these changes can create an emotional distance.
For instance, if your adult child chooses a career path that doesn’t align with your expectations or adopts a lifestyle that you don’t understand, it’s crucial to respect their choices.
Remember, their lives are not about living up to our expectations but about finding their own happiness and fulfillment. Showing respect for their decisions and demonstrating flexibility can help maintain a strong emotional bond.
5) Neglecting self-care
I remember a phase of my life where I was so engrossed in juggling between my job, household chores, and caring for my children that I lost sight of myself. I was constantly tired, irritable and didn’t have any time or energy for meaningful interactions with my adult children.
This took a toll on our relationship. My children felt I was always too busy or too stressed to talk to them. They began to withdraw emotionally, and it felt like we were drifting apart.
That’s when I realized the importance of self-care. Taking care of our own mental, emotional and physical health is just as important as taking care of our children. Only when we’re healthy and happy can we foster healthy relationships with our loved ones.
So, remember to take out time for yourself. Do things that you enjoy, relax, rejuvenate. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. Your well-being directly affects your relationship with your adult children.
6) Lack of appreciation
Appreciation is a powerful tool that can boost anyone’s morale and motivate them to do better. Yet, often, we forget to appreciate our adult children for their achievements and efforts.
Think about it. When was the last time you applauded your child’s accomplishment or thanked them for their help? If you can’t remember, this could be a reason why they’ve withdrawn.
Showing appreciation doesn’t mean going overboard with praises. It’s about acknowledging their efforts, big or small, and letting them know that you see and value them.
So, take a moment to appreciate your adult children. It might just be the small step that brings them closer to you emotionally.
7) Unresolved conflicts
Conflicts are a part of any relationship, including the one with your adult children. But when these conflicts are left unresolved, they can lead to emotional withdrawal.
Unresolved issues can fester over time. It can brew resentment, anger, and hurt, causing your children to pull away.
It’s essential to address these conflicts in a healthy way. Have open conversations, accept mistakes, apologize if necessary, and work towards resolution. This won’t just bring you closer but also set a good example for them on how to handle conflicts in their own lives.
