“I’m okay, don’t worry about me” – How many times have you heard this phrase, or maybe even said it yourself? Often, we downplay our own needs to avoid seeming needy or demanding.
Here’s the scoop.
Sometimes, this tendency isn’t just a personal choice. It can be the result of being raised in an environment where expressing personal needs was discouraged. And guess what? This upbringing can leave lasting marks on one’s emotional reactions.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why do I struggle to express my needs?” or “Why does my friend always seem to put others before themselves?”, you’ve come to the right place.
In this article, we’ll delve into seven telltale emotional reactions that could indicate someone was raised to suppress their needs.
Short and sweet, right? Let’s get started.
1) Over-apologizing
Ever noticed someone saying sorry too often? Even when it’s clear they’re not at fault?
Well, this could be more than just politeness.
Over-apologizing can be a sign of suppressed needs. It’s an emotional reaction that stems from the fear of being a burden, causing inconvenience, or triggering conflict.
People who were raised to suppress their needs often feel the urge to apologize for even the smallest things. They try to smooth things over quickly, even at the expense of their own feelings.
So next time you notice someone habitually saying “sorry”, it might be worth checking in on them. They might need a little reassurance that their feelings and needs are valid too.
2) Difficulty in saying ‘no’
Let me share something personal here.
For the longest time, I struggled with saying ‘no’. Be it social gatherings I had no interest in or extra work I didn’t have the capacity for, I found myself agreeing to everything.
Why was this happening?
I realized this was an emotional reaction linked to my upbringing. Like many others, I was raised to never inconvenience others, which translated into an inability to refuse requests.
Those raised to suppress their needs often find it hard to say ‘no’, fearing they might disappoint or upset others. They end up stretching themselves thin, prioritizing everyone else’s needs over their own.
It took time and practice, but I learned that saying ‘no’ doesn’t make me selfish or unkind. It’s about setting boundaries and honoring my own needs. And trust me, it’s okay for you to do the same.
3) Constant self-doubt
I’m going to be real with you here.
Have you ever found yourself second-guessing your worth or questioning your decision-making abilities? You’re not alone.
This constant self-doubt can be a clear emotional reaction signaling suppressed needs. It’s like a nagging voice inside your head, undermining your confidence and making you question your every action.
I’ve seen this in friends, family, and even caught myself falling into this pattern. We question if we deserve happiness, success, or love, often settling for less than we deserve.
But the truth is, these doubts don’t define us. We are not less deserving of our needs or wants. Recognizing this reaction for what it is can be the first step towards reclaiming our self-worth and giving our needs the importance they truly deserve.
4) Excessive people-pleasing
Have you ever gone out of your way to make others happy, even when it meant neglecting your own needs?
This is called people-pleasing. And it’s not just about being nice.
When someone constantly puts others’ needs and wants before their own, it can be an emotional reaction rooted in a past where their needs were suppressed. They might believe that pleasing others is the only way to gain acceptance or avoid conflict.
I’ve seen this behavior in others and it’s a tough cycle to break. Remember, it’s important to care for others, but not at the expense of your own well-being.
It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your needs. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
5) Emotional suppression
Imagine this: a tear rolls down your cheek during a movie, and you quickly wipe it away before anyone notices. Sound familiar?
This subtle act of hiding emotions is more common than you might think.
Research suggests that those who were raised to suppress their needs often resort to suppressing their emotions as well. They might feel that expressing their true feelings—be it sadness, frustration, or even joy—could make them seem vulnerable or needy.
But here’s what’s important: emotions are not signs of weakness. They’re human. Recognizing and expressing our feelings is a natural part of life and a key part of forming healthy relationships with ourselves and others.
6) Overworking
You know that friend who’s always the first to arrive at work and the last to leave? The one who never takes a break and seems to be constantly chasing deadlines?
While their dedication might seem admirable, it could also be an emotional reaction to suppressed needs.
People who overwork often do so to avoid confronting their own needs or emotions. They might feel that their worth is tied to their productivity, a belief often instilled in childhood.
But here’s what I want them—and you—to know: you are more than your work. Your value doesn’t decrease based on your productivity.
It’s okay—and necessary—to take breaks, to rest, and most importantly, to listen to your needs. You deserve it.
7) Avoidance of intimacy
Intimacy isn’t just about romance. It’s about forming deep, meaningful connections with others—connections built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect for each other’s needs.
But for those who grew up suppressing their needs, intimacy can feel threatening. It requires vulnerability, openness, and the expression of personal needs—things they might not be comfortable with.
What you need to know is this: vulnerability isn’t a weakness. Opening up about your needs doesn’t make you needy. It makes you human. And embracing this can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships in life.
Wrapping it up
If you found yourself nodding along to these points, know that you are not alone.
But here’s the silver lining – recognizing these emotional reactions is the first crucial step towards change.
Remember, these patterns don’t have to define you. Unlearning behaviors ingrained since childhood can be challenging, but it’s absolutely achievable. With self-awareness and courage, you can start setting boundaries and honoring your needs.
Begin this transformation by observing. Notice when you’re suppressing your feelings or putting others’ needs before yours. Question if you’re overworking or avoiding intimacy out of fear.
Then, start practicing self-compassion. Give yourself permission to express your needs and emotions openly. Understand that it’s okay to say ‘no’, to take breaks, and to prioritize your well-being.
This journey won’t be easy, and it won’t be quick. But every step you take towards honoring your needs is a step towards healthier relationships and improved self-esteem.
As Carl Rogers, a prominent psychologist once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Embrace this paradox. Start accepting yourself and your needs just as they are. You might be surprised at the transformation that follows.
