There’s a clear line between being supportive and being dismissive.
This boundary comes down to empathy. When you’re feeling down, a true friend tries to understand and comfort you, not belittle or ignore your feelings.
But sometimes, people use certain phrases that seem supportive but are actually dismissive, and those are the ones who may not be your true friends.
Here’s a look at some phrases that might indicate that someone isn’t truly your friend when you’re feeling low.
1) “Just get over it.”
In the realm of empathy, there’s a thin line between being supportive and being dismissive.
Consider the phrase, “Just get over it”. Seems pretty harmless, right? Well, it’s not always the case.
When you’re feeling down, hearing someone tell you to just move on can be like a slap in the face. It minimizes your feelings and can make you feel like your friend doesn’t truly understand or care about what you’re going through.
The essence of true friendship is understanding and acknowledging each other’s feelings. A true friend would never dismiss your emotions with a simple “just get over it”.
Remember, your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
2) “You’re always so sensitive.”
Let’s talk about sensitivity. It’s often used as a negative label, especially when someone is going through a tough time.
I remember once when I was feeling particularly low, a friend said to me, “You’re always so sensitive”. It felt like a punch in the gut. Instead of offering support or understanding, my friend chose to label me as overly emotional.
This phrase can make you feel like your emotions are a burden or that they are invalid. It’s dismissive and belittling, the exact opposite of what a true friend should be.
A real friend would understand that everyone has different levels of sensitivity, and they would respect that instead of using it as an accusation.
Your sensitivity is part of who you are – don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
3) “It could be worse.”
When we’re dealing with tough times, it’s natural to seek comfort and understanding from our friends. But sometimes, the response we get is, “It could be worse”.
Though it might seem like an attempt to provide perspective, this phrase can actually be quite dismissive. It suggests that your problems are not significant enough to warrant your feelings.
A study by the University of California, Berkeley, found that people who validate their negative emotions instead of brushing them aside are better able to manage stress.
A true friend would acknowledge your feelings and understand their importance to you, rather than comparing your situation to others.
Your emotions are your own, and they’re important, no matter what others may think.
4) “I told you so.”
There’s a time and place for everything, but when you’re feeling down, “I told you so” is the last thing you want to hear.
This phrase can feel condescending and can add to your distress instead of alleviating it. It implies that your current predicament is your fault because you didn’t heed their advice.
A true friend would offer you support and understanding in tough times rather than pointing out your mistakes.
They would focus on helping you navigate through the situation instead of dwelling on the past.
We all make mistakes and need understanding, not blame.
5) “Why can’t you just be happy?”
One time, during a particularly rough patch, someone close to me said, “Why can’t you just be happy?”. It felt like a jab at my inability to control my emotions.
Happiness isn’t a switch that we can just turn on and off. It’s a complex emotion influenced by many factors.
Being told to simply “be happy” when you’re feeling down implies that you’re choosing to be unhappy, which is rarely the case.
A true friend would understand that we don’t choose our emotions and would offer comfort rather than unrealistic advice.
Remember, it’s okay not to be okay, and nobody should make you feel otherwise.
6) “You’re overreacting.”
There’s nothing quite as invalidating as being told that you’re overreacting when you’re feeling down. This phrase can make you second-guess your emotions and feel as though you’re being dramatic or unreasonable.
However, everyone’s emotional reactions are unique and should be respected. What may seem like an overreaction to one person could be a perfectly normal response for another.
A true friend would not belittle or undermine your feelings by suggesting you’re overreacting. Instead, they would validate your emotions and offer support.
Always remember, your feelings are valid and should never be dismissed as an overreaction.
7) “Cheer up, someone else has it worse.”
The phrase “Cheer up, someone else has it worse” is a classic example of dismissiveness. It’s a way of saying that you don’t have the right to feel down because others are dealing with bigger problems.
But here’s the thing: pain is not a competition. Your struggles are valid, no matter how they compare to those of others.
A true friend would never compare your struggles to those of others in an attempt to make you feel better. They would understand that your feelings are important and deserve to be acknowledged.
Nobody should ever invalidate your feelings by comparing them to someone else’s struggles. Your feelings matter.
Final thoughts: The power of empathy
Navigating the maze of human relationships is an intricate journey, often intertwined with our emotional intelligence.
At the heart of this journey lies empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s this quality that forms the bedrock of true friendship.
If a friend uses dismissive phrases when you’re feeling down, it might indicate a lack of empathy on their part. While it’s crucial not to jump to conclusions, it’s equally important to recognize and address such signs.
Remember, everyone deserves to be heard, understood, and validated. Your emotions are not a burden but a part of your human experience.
Whether it’s dealing with dismissive phrases or standing up for your emotional well-being, the journey begins with acknowledging your feelings and understanding their importance.
Because at the end of the day, true friendship isn’t about always being right. It’s about being there in the right way, especially when things go wrong.
So, reflect on your relationships, foster empathy, and remember – your feelings matter.
