Communication is a tricky business. While we may have the best intentions, sometimes the words we choose can inadvertently raise eyebrows and erode trust.
You see, psychology tells us that certain phrases, though seemingly polite, can subtly undermine our credibility. And it’s not always obvious when this is happening.
But don’t worry, I’m here to help you understand the language pitfalls to avoid. In this article, I’ll be sharing with you 7 phrases that seem polite on the surface but subtly make people trust you less.
So let’s dive in and take a closer look at these trust-diminishing phrases.
1) “I don’t mean to interrupt, but…”
Ever been in a conversation where someone jumps in with this line?
At first glance, it seems polite enough. A little interjection to share a thought or steer the conversation in a new direction. But here’s the kicker – it’s not as benign as it seems.
According to renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, “True listening is… a full attention to the speaker and a respectful silence on the part of the listener.”
So when you say, “I don’t mean to interrupt, but…” you’re subtly undermining this principle of respectful conversation. You’re essentially signaling that your viewpoint is more important than the person speaking.
The result? People may not consciously pick up on it, but they can subconsciously feel their trust in you dwindling.
So next time, hold that thought and wait for your turn to speak. It’s not just good manners – it’s better for building trust too.
2) “No offense, but…”
Ah, the classic “no offense, but…”. You’ve probably heard it, or maybe even said it yourself. I know I have.
I remember a conversation where a friend said to me, “No offense, but I don’t like your new haircut.” On the surface, it seemed polite. But in reality, it felt like a masked insult.
Famous psychologist Sigmund Freud once said that “Words have a magical power. They can bring either the greatest happiness or deepest despair.” This phrase, while seemingly harmless, often leads to the latter.
When you say “no offense, but…”, it’s like you’re preparing the listener for a blow. It says you’re aware your words might hurt, yet you proceed anyway. This can subtly erode trust as people may start to wonder what else you might say about them.
So from personal experience, I’d advise against this phrase. It’s better to be upfront and considerate with your feedback. That’s how you build trust in the long run.
3) “I’m just being honest”
Ever heard this phrase before? “I’m just being honest.” It’s a line that’s often dropped right after delivering a harsh truth or criticism.
Honesty is a virtue, no doubt. But this phrase can ironically make you seem less trustworthy. Here’s why.
The implication behind “I’m just being honest” is that you usually aren’t. As if honesty is an exception, not the rule. It may leave people wondering what else you’re not being honest about.
Renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown once said, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Honesty should be clear and consistent, not used as a shield to defend hurtful words.
So let’s strive for transparency without using it as an excuse for insensitivity. Your relationships will thank you for it.
4) “Just saying”
“Just saying” is one of those phrases that seem innocent enough, but it can subtly undermine trust.
This phrase is often used to soften the blow of a statement that might be controversial or critical. But according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it can have the opposite effect.
The study found that prefacing statements with phrases like “just saying” can make the speaker seem less credible. The reason? It’s perceived as an attempt to distance oneself from the statement, which can be viewed as a lack of conviction or honesty.
So instead of softening your statements with “just saying”, try to communicate your thoughts in a clear and respectful manner. It’s more likely to build trust and foster open dialogue.
5) “Trust me”
It might seem counterintuitive, but the phrase “trust me” can actually make people trust you less. I know, it’s weird. I used to say it all the time, thinking it would strengthen my credibility. But I’ve learned it can do just the opposite.
As psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini points out in his book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”, trust is earned, not given. So when you say “trust me”, it’s like you’re asking for trust without providing any reason for it.
Instead of using this phrase, show people why they should trust you through your actions and consistency. As the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.”
6) “To be honest…”
“To be honest…” seems like a great way to introduce a frank, truthful statement, right? Well, not quite.
This phrase might be more harmful to your credibility than you think. Similar to “I’m just being honest”, it implies that there’s a shift from your usual behavior, suggesting that honesty is not your default.
Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
When it comes to trust, self-awareness is key. Understanding how our words might come across can make all the difference.
So next time you catch yourself saying “to be honest…”, remember that honesty should be the rule, not the exception.
7) “Believe it or not…”
“Believe it or not…” may sound like a harmless phrase, but it can subtly signal doubt and decrease trust.
Psychologist Albert Bandura said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy.” By using this phrase, you’re inadvertently challenging their sense of self-efficacy by implying they may not believe you.
So keep it simple. Let your words stand for themselves without the need for this skeptical preface.
Final thoughts
Navigating the complexities of human communication can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield. The words we choose – even those that seem polite – can subtly influence how others perceive us.
As we’ve seen, certain phrases can unknowingly chip away at the trust we strive to build in our relationships.
But remember, we’re all a work in progress. Becoming aware of these subtle pitfalls is the first step towards improving our communication and strengthening our bonds with others.
So, as you move forward, consider the power of your words. Reflect on the phrases you frequently use and how they might affect those around you.
And remember, genuine trust is built on authenticity, consistency, and respect – not just on the words we say.
