Sometimes, we find ourselves searching for approval without even realizing it.
It’s like we’re on autopilot, constantly needing someone else’s “thumbs up” to feel good about what we’re doing.
This need for validation can be subtle, sneaking up on us in ways that are easy to miss.
Recognizing these signs is the first step in breaking free from the need for external validation and starting to trust yourself more:
1) Over-reliance on compliments
One telltale sign that you’re seeking validation from others is if you find yourself constantly needing compliments.
It’s not about the occasional feel-good praise.
We’re talking about a deep-rooted need for others to constantly validate your actions, decisions, or even your appearance.
When compliments become more than just a mood booster and turn into a necessity for your self-esteem, it’s a clear indication that you’re heavily reliant on external approval.
It’s great to be appreciated by others, but when your self-worth becomes tied to their validation, it’s time to reassess and focus on building your own confidence.
2) Constantly second-guessing decisions
I remember a time when I had to choose between two job offers: Both had their pros and cons, but instead of trusting my instincts, I found myself asking everyone around me what they would do.
I asked my friends, my family, even my former colleagues.
Each time, I hoped that their assurance would make the decision easier for me.
But instead, it just made me more confused.
Looking back, I realized that I wasn’t just seeking advice—I was seeking validation.
I wanted others to make the decision for me, to tell me what was “right”.
That’s when I understood that constantly second-guessing decisions and seeking others’ input is a sign of craving validation.
It’s important to trust your judgment and know that it’s okay to make mistakes—it’s how we grow.
3) Being overly sensitive to criticism
It’s natural to feel stung when someone criticizes us, but if you find yourself ruminating on criticism or taking it too personally, it might be a sign of seeking validation.
People who seek external validation often have a heightened sensitivity to criticism.
They fear that criticism reflects their value as a person.
This sensitivity can lead to avoidance of any situation that may result in criticism, stifling personal growth and opportunities.
Criticism isn’t always a bad thing as it can be a valuable tool for improvement.
4) Fear of rejection
Nobody likes to be rejected—it’s a fact.
But when the fear of rejection starts to control your actions and decisions, it may indicate a need for validation from others.
This fear might cause you to avoid situations where there’s a chance of failure or rejection, limiting your potential.
You might find yourself sticking to what’s comfortable and familiar, rather than taking risks.
Rejection is a part of life—it’s not a reflection of your worth but simply an indication that something wasn’t the right fit.
Embrace it as a learning opportunity and continue moving forward.
5) A constant need to be liked
There was a time when I would go to great lengths to make people like me.
I’d agree with their opinions, even when they conflicted with my own; I’d laugh at their jokes, even when they weren’t funny.
This behavior stemmed from my belief that being liked by others was essential for my worthiness.
The truth is: It only left me feeling lost and disconnected from my true self.
If you find yourself changing your behavior or suppressing your authentic self to fit in or be liked, it’s a sign of seeking validation from others.
Your worth isn’t determined by how much you’re liked by others, but by how much you like yourself.
6) Difficulty saying “no”
Can you recall a time when you agreed to something, even though you desperately wanted to say “no”?
If this is a common occurrence, it might be a sign that you’re seeking validation.
When we find it hard to say no, it’s often because we fear disappointing others or being seen as unhelpful or unkind.
This fear can make us overcommit and feel overwhelmed.
It’s essential to understand that saying no doesn’t make you a bad person.
It means you’re prioritizing your needs and setting boundaries, which is a critical aspect of self-care and self-respect.
7) Measuring your success by others’ standards
The most significant indicator that you’re seeking validation from others is when you measure your success by their standards, not your own.
You might find yourself chasing goals that aren’t truly yours, feeling accomplished only when you receive praise or recognition from others.
However, our success should be defined by your own values and aspirations—it’s about personal growth, fulfillment, and happiness.
Let that be the measure of your success, not someone else’s standards or approval.
Embracing self-validation
At the root of our desire for external validation is often a longing for acceptance and understanding—it’s part of being human.
However, it’s important to remember that the most profound form of validation comes from within.
It’s about recognizing your own worth, acknowledging your achievements and learning from your failures.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”
This wisdom applies here too.
As we recognize these signs of seeking validation from others, we can start to shift our focus towards self-validation.
It’s about learning to trust ourselves, celebrating our strengths and embracing our imperfections.
This journey towards self-validation may not be easy, but it’s a crucial step towards cultivating a healthy self-esteem and a fulfilling life.
Let’s start this journey today, because you’re worthy of validation, especially from yourself.
