When your friend is upset, they call you; when they’re confused, they seek your advice.
You’re always there to lend an ear and offer comfort—that’s the life of the “therapist friend.”
But let me tell you, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows.
In fact, it can be downright exhausting.
Do you relate? Well, here are eight signs that you might be the “therapist friend” and it’s starting to wear you down.
Better buckle up because this might hit a little too close to home.
1) You’re the first call during a crisis
Ever notice your phone blowing up every time there’s a major drama? A breakup, a family feud, job stress – your friends seem to always turn to you first.
It’s because they trust you.
They know you’ll be there for them, ready to offer comfort and advice.
You’re the calm in their storm, the voice of reason amidst chaos—and, while it’s flattering, it can also be draining.
After all, being the “go-to” person for emotional support means you’re constantly dealing with other people’s problems on top of your own.
That’s a heavy load to carry!
2) Your personal boundaries are often blurred
I’ll let you in on a little secret about me: I’ve always had a hard time setting personal boundaries.
One time, a friend called me late at night, distraught over a fight with her boyfriend.
Despite having an early meeting the next day, I stayed on the phone with her till the wee hours of the morning, letting my own needs slide to the backburner.
This is a common scenario for those of us who play the “therapist friend” role.
We often let our own needs and boundaries be pushed aside to accommodate others.
Remember, it’s essential to protect your own mental well-being too.
3) You’re always the listener, rarely the sharer
In psychology, there’s something called “reciprocal disclosure.”
It’s when two people take turns sharing personal information, deepening their bond and trust.
However, as the “therapist friend”, you might notice this reciprocity is usually skewed.
You’re often the one listening, nodding, and providing advice, while your own stories and feelings are left unshared.
This imbalance can lead to feelings of isolation and burnout, even within your closest relationships.
4) Your free time is monopolized by others
Ever plan to spend a quiet afternoon reading a book, only to have a friend drop by unannounced to vent—or have your movie night interrupted by a late-night call from a friend in distress?
As the “therapist friend”, your time is often monopolized by others.
Your plans may frequently get pushed aside to accommodate your friends’ emotional needs.
While it’s great to be there for your friends, remember that your time is valuable too.
5) You feel responsible for others’ happiness
I’ll be honest, this is something I’ve struggled with a lot.
I often find myself feeling responsible for my friends’ happiness.
If they’re upset, I feel it’s my job to cheer them up; if they’re going through a tough time, I feel it’s on me to help them through.
Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not my job, or anyone’s job, to be the sole source of someone else’s happiness.
As the “therapist friend,” you might often feel the weight of this responsibility on your shoulders.
Everyone is responsible for their own feelings and actions.
6) You’re rarely asked for casual advice
It might seem odd, but as the “therapist friend”, you might notice that you’re often skipped over when it comes to casual, everyday advice.
Sure, your friends come to you with their deepest worries and darkest fears.
However, when it comes to deciding on a new outfit or picking a restaurant for dinner, your opinion might not be sought.
That’s because your friends may see you in a more serious light, as someone to approach with substantial issues rather than trivial matters.
7) You’re constantly emotionally drained
It’s no surprise that constantly dealing with other people’s problems can leave you feeling emotionally drained.
After all, you’re not just a sounding board for your friends’ issues, you’re also absorbing their emotions and trying to provide constructive feedback.
This requires a lot of emotional energy.
8) Your emotional well-being is taking a hit
The most glaring sign that you’re the “therapist friend” and it’s burning you out is when your own emotional well-being starts to suffer.
If you’re constantly anxious, losing sleep, or feeling depressed because of the emotional load you’re carrying for others, it’s time to hit pause.
Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your own mental health—you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for both yourself and your friends is to take a step back and take care of you.
Embracing your own needs
If you’ve recognized yourself in these points, it’s important to remember that being the “therapist friend” isn’t inherently negative.
It’s a testament to your empathy, compassion, and trustworthiness but it’s equally important to remember your own needs.
As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Being the “therapist friend” doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own emotional well-being.
It’s okay to set boundaries, it’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to prioritize your own mental health.
At the end of the day, you’re a person with your own emotions and needs.
Acknowledging that is the first step towards making sure you’re not just surviving, but truly thriving.
