It’s one of the most challenging observations to make:
You encounter someone, seemingly normal on the surface, but something about their behavior feels off.
You’ve tried to understand, you’ve done your best to empathize and figure out why they act the way they do, but it’s still baffling.
Often, it’s not even overly noticeable.
You just get this niggling suspicion that their upbringing lacked discipline or structure, even when everything else about them seems perfectly fine.
Here’s how to spot the telltale signs that someone was raised without any discipline or structure, according to psychology, even if it goes against everything you thought you knew about them.
This is the introduction for an article titled 8 subtle behaviors that signal someone was raised without any discipline or structure, according to psychology.
1) Inability to follow rules or guidelines
It’s something that can be both baffling and frustrating.
You notice a person who just can’t seem to stick to the rules – it could be at work, at a social gathering or in a shared living situation.
They aren’t necessarily breaking the law or causing any harm, but their constant disregard for guidelines and instructions can be perplexing.
This isn’t about being rebellious or avant-garde, it’s deeper than that.
It’s like they just don’t get the concept of following rules or adhering to structure- and this could potentially be a sign of an undisciplined upbringing.
Children raised without structure often struggle with rules and guidelines in adulthood.
If it feels like you’re dealing with someone who just can’t color inside the lines no matter how simple and clear the rules are, then you might be dealing with someone raised without any discipline or structure.
2) Difficulty maintaining commitments
This one hits close to home.
I remember an old friend of mine, let’s call him John. John was a free spirit – always the life of the party, always the one with a new adventure up his sleeve.
But there was a pattern I couldn’t ignore. He would make plans, set dates, even promise to show up at important events – and then, he just wouldn’t.
His excuses were always plausible – unexpected work, sudden illness, car troubles – and I wanted to believe him. But as this behavior continued, it was hard not to notice the pattern.
John wasn’t being intentionally malicious – he genuinely wanted to keep his commitments. But somehow, he just couldn’t seem to follow through.
Without consistent rules and expectations during childhood, it could be challenging for individuals like John to understand the importance of commitment in adulthood.
3) Struggling with self-control
Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that cannot obey, cannot command.”
This quote resonates when we think about self-control. It’s not just about following the rules set by others, but also about setting and following your own rules.
Let’s consider a scenario. You know someone who routinely indulges in impulsive behaviors. They eat whatever they want, whenever they want. They spend money without thinking about the consequences.
They speak without considering the impact of their words.
While it might seem like they’re simply enjoying life without restrictions, psychology would suggest that this lack of self-control could be a sign of an undisciplined upbringing.
So, if you notice someone who seems to live life on a whim without any regard for consequences, remember Benjamin Franklin’s wise words.
4) Struggling with time management
Time management is a skill that seems to come naturally to some people. They are always punctual, they never miss deadlines, and they seem to have an uncanny ability to judge how long a task will take.
But then, there are those who are perpetually late, always rushing, and constantly underestimating the amount of time they need for tasks.
This isn’t just about being disorganized or lazy. In fact, children who grow up in households without clear schedules or routines often struggle with time management in adulthood.
It’s not that they don’t care about being on time or meeting deadlines. It’s just they were never taught the importance of managing their time effectively.
If you know someone who always seems to be racing against the clock, it might not be a personal flaw but rather a sign of an upbringing lacking discipline or structure.
5) Difficulty accepting responsibility
This one is a little harder to spot, more subtle than the others.
It’s about someone who struggles with taking responsibility for their actions. They might always have an excuse ready or find someone else to blame when things go wrong.
It’s not a blatant refusal to accept fault. It’s more like they just can’t comprehend that they might be part of the problem.
According to psychology, children who are raised without clear discipline or structure may not learn the important lesson of cause and effect.
If they were never held accountable for their actions as kids, they might struggle to accept responsibility as adults.
Now, if you know a person who can’t seem to accept when they’re at fault, it could just be another sign of an undisciplined upbringing.
6) Lack of empathy
This one is a bit more complex, a trait not as apparent as the others.
You might notice a person who seems to struggle with understanding others’ feelings. They might come across as selfish or self-centered, but it’s more than that.
It’s like they just can’t quite grasp why someone else would feel a certain way or why their actions might affect others.
Empathy is often learned in childhood through discipline and structure. When children face consequences for their actions, they learn to understand how their behavior impacts others.
But without that discipline or structure, developing a sense of empathy can be challenging.
If you encounter someone who struggles with understanding or relating to others’ feelings, this could be yet another sign of an upbringing lacking in discipline or structure.
7) Difficulty with problem-solving
This one can be a bit elusive, a trait that may not be immediately noticeable.
Consider a person who encounters a hurdle and instead of trying to work around it, they just give up or wait for someone else to solve it for them.
It’s not that they’re lazy or unintelligent, it’s like they just don’t have the tools to approach and overcome challenges.
Problem-solving skills are often developed in childhood through consistent discipline and structure.
Dealing with consequences, facing challenges, and learning to navigate the world within set rules can all contribute to honing these skills.
In the absence of that discipline or structure, an individual might struggle with problem-solving in their adult life.
8) Struggle with maintaining relationships
This one is intricate, a trait that hides itself within the complexities of human interactions.
Think about someone who constantly finds themselves in conflict with others, or who seems unable to maintain long-term relationships, whether it’s friendships, romantic relationships, or professional partnerships.
It’s not that they’re unlikeable or antisocial, it’s more of a struggle to understand and navigate the give and take that relationships require.
Psychology suggests that the ability to maintain healthy relationships is often developed in childhood through discipline and structure.
Children learn how to interact with others, how to compromise, and how to respect boundaries through disciplined interactions.
Final reflections
If you find yourself recognizing these signs in someone you know, it’s important to understand that this doesn’t define them.
Discipline and structure in upbringing, or the lack thereof, can shape a person’s behaviors, but it doesn’t set them in stone.
With awareness and effort, these traits can be addressed and transformed. The key lies in understanding and empathy. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards helping or guiding someone towards change.
It won’t be an overnight transformation. Change takes time, patience, and consistent effort.
But with each small step towards understanding why you do what you do and how you can do things differently, you’ll gradually see shifts in your behaviors.
You’ll find yourself better equipped to navigate challenges, manage time effectively, maintain relationships, and accept responsibility for your actions.
In the words of Carl Jung, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Accepting that your upbringing may have shaped your behaviors in ways you don’t like is a brave first step towards change.
Take this journey of self-discovery and growth with kindness and patience. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. And remember – you’re not alone on this journey. There are countless resources and support systems available to help you along the way.
It’s all about taking that first step.
