If someone keeps their distance, they might be feeling pushed away. If someone stops calling, they might feel unappreciated.
Welcome to the art of human interaction.
However, it’s not always a walk in the park.
Sometimes, we unknowingly hurt the ones we love the most, especially us boomers.
But fear not, I’ve got your back.
1) Dismissing technological advancements
Technology feels like it’s changing at the speed of light, doesn’t it?
One minute you’re figuring out how to send a text, the next minute everyone’s talking about TikTok and crypto-currencies.
It’s confusing, I get it.
But here’s the thing, when we dismiss these advancements, we’re inadvertently creating a gap with our loved ones.
Especially with the younger ones who are growing up in this digital era.
Imagine your grandkid excitedly telling you about their latest achievement on a video game or a new app they’ve discovered, and your response is a dismissive “I don’t understand these things”.
There it is, an unintentional push away. We don’t mean to do it, but our inability to embrace technology can create a distance.
Maybe it’s time we took a tech crash course, eh?
2) Clinging to traditional roles and norms
I remember the time when my daughter-in-law, Sarah, got a promotion.
She was thrilled, but I saw my son was struggling with the idea of her earning more than him.
Instead of cheering her on, I found myself saying, “Well, as long as you’re okay with it.” I didn’t mean to undermine Sarah’s achievement, but I did, didn’t I?
That’s the thing about traditional roles and norms.
We’ve been raised with them and sometimes, without realizing it, we perpetuate these norms at the cost of hurting our loved ones.
It was a wake-up call for me. I realized that my values needed a bit of updating.
Now I’m learning to let go of the old ways and embrace change.
And let me tell you, it’s making a world of difference.
3) Ignoring the power of active listening
Did you know that we spend around 60% of our communication time listening, but we only retain 25 to 50% of what we hear?
It’s true. And it’s a problem.
When our loved ones share their thoughts, feelings or experiences, they’re not just seeking a sounding board.
They want our understanding, our empathy.
But what happens when we’re busy formulating our own responses while they’re still talking? We miss out on the nuances, the unspoken emotions.
We fail to truly connect.
Next time, let’s slow down, pay attention, and really listen. It makes all the difference.
4) Insisting on being right
Have you ever been in a heated debate with a loved one where you just had to have the last word? I know I have.
We boomers have seen and experienced a lot in our time, and sometimes we feel that our opinions are more valid because of it.
But here’s the rub. When we insist on being right all the time, we’re telling our loved ones that their views, their experiences, don’t matter as much as ours.
And that’s a surefire way to push them away.
Let’s try to be more open-minded, listen to their perspectives without rushing to prove ours.
It’s not about winning an argument, but understanding each other better.
5) Overstepping boundaries
I have to admit, I’ve been guilty of this one.
It’s easy for us boomers to forget that our children, even when they’re adults, need their own space.
We might feel that we’re helping by offering unsolicited advice or trying to fix their problems.
But in my experience, I’ve found that it often does more harm than good.
My daughter once told me, “Dad, I appreciate your help, but I need to figure this out on my own.” It stung a little, but she was right.
Respecting their boundaries doesn’t mean we care any less. It means we trust them and respect their autonomy.
And believe me, they’ll appreciate it.
6) Avoiding conflict
We often believe that avoiding conflict is the best way to keep the peace. But you know what?
That’s not always the case.
When we sweep issues under the rug or retreat into silence every time there’s a disagreement, we’re not resolving anything. We’re just postponing the inevitable explosion.
Instead, let’s try facing issues head-on.
Healthy conflict can actually bring us closer to our loved ones by fostering understanding and mutual respect.
It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s worth it in the long run.
7) Failing to adapt to their changing lives
Life is a constant evolution, isn’t it? Our loved ones are growing, changing, experiencing new things.
And sometimes, we might find it hard to keep up.
We might yearn for the old times when our kids were younger, or when our friends had more time for us.
But clinging to the past can make others feel like we’re not accepting them as they are now.
Let’s make an effort to understand their new lives, their new selves. Let’s show them that we’re there for them, no matter how much they’ve changed.
Because love isn’t about holding onto the past, but growing together into the future.
8) Forgetting to express love and appreciation
At the end of the day, our loved ones need to know that they are loved and appreciated.
We might assume they know how we feel, but there’s no harm in expressing it.
Tell your son how proud you are of him. Let your spouse know you appreciate their support.
A little affirmation can go a long way in strengthening our bonds.
It’s the small things that often make the biggest impact. Let’s not forget to say “I love you” more often.
Reflecting on our relationships
If you’ve come this far, it’s clear that you’re committed to improving your relationships. And that’s half the battle won.
None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes, even when we’re trying to show love to the ones closest to us.
The key lies in recognizing these mistakes and making a conscious effort to correct them.
The best way to show love is by understanding, respecting, and appreciating our loved ones exactly as they are.
It’s about bridging gaps, not creating them. And sometimes, it’s about taking a step back and simply listening.
As we navigate this complicated journey of human relationships, let’s remind ourselves of the wise words of psychologist Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
That’s where true growth begins – with acceptance.
Not just of others, but of ourselves too.
