Often, we imagine resilience in stories of extreme adversity—someone climbing Everest or overcoming major tragedy. But in my experience, resilience is often demonstrated in smaller, quieter ways.
Over the years, both as a relationship counselor and in my personal life, I’ve noticed that truly resilient people consistently engage in behaviors that seem almost mundane at first glance. But these behaviors actually speak volumes about their ability to weather life’s storms.
If you’re wondering whether you have this hidden superpower, keep reading. You might be displaying more resilience than you give yourself credit for.
Let’s find out.
1. You embrace small failures as learning experiences
You know that feeling of dread when something goes wrong—like missing a work deadline or making a mistake on a project? If you find yourself bouncing back more quickly than others, it’s a strong indicator of resilience. Maybe you take a moment to feel disappointed, but then shift gears to ask, “What can I learn from this?”
I remember a time when I organized a workshop early in my career, hoping for a big turnout. Less than ten people showed up. I felt embarrassed in the moment, wondering if I should have marketed it differently or chosen a different venue. But after the initial letdown, I turned my attention to the participants who were there, and it ended up being an intimate, impactful session.
In hindsight, that so-called “failure” taught me the value of quality over quantity and the importance of personalized connections.
This approach of transforming failures into lessons is echoed by many experts and great thinkers. Einstein, in fact, said, “Failure is success in progress”. Can you relate? If so, congratulations—your ability to stay open to learning quietly showcases your inner strength.
2. You focus on what you can control
One of the most quietly resilient habits is knowing where to place your energy.
Life throws curveballs—layoffs, breakups, health scares—and while some people spiral into anxiety over all the what ifs, resilient people tend to anchor themselves in what is.
This mindset is rooted in Stoic philosophy. Thinkers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius taught that while we can’t control external events, we can control our responses, our actions, and our mindset.
I’ve seen this play out in relationships, time and again. A couple might come into counseling reeling from something out of their control—job loss, a medical diagnosis, a family crisis. The resilient ones don’t waste energy trying to rewrite reality. Instead, they ask: “What can we do, right now, with what we have?” They focus on showing up for each other, adjusting routines, having hard conversations, or simply deciding to be kind even in tension.
It might not be glamorous, but that choice—to steer your attention toward what you can influence—is a powerful act of emotional strength.
3. You don’t shy away from seeking support when things get tough
Some people think resilience means dealing with everything alone. In my experience, it’s actually the opposite: the most resilient people are comfortable leaning on others when they need to.
Understanding that you’re not an island and that sharing your struggles can lead to solutions or simply emotional relief is incredibly empowering.
For instance, I once worked with a client who was trying to leave a codependent relationship but felt unsure about facing life on her own. She reached out for guidance, and through our sessions—and yes, through reading materials like my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”—she discovered that asking for help was far from a flaw. In fact, it was the very thing that gave her the courage to move forward.
The bottom line is that if you’ve ever sought help when you needed it, you’ve tapped into a source of resilience that many people overlook.
4. You practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism
You might have read my post on self-talk and its impact on our emotional well-being, where I stressed how critical our internal dialogue can be. This ties in with that post.
Resilient people learn to talk to themselves the way they would talk to someone they love. Instead of harsh criticism—“Ugh, I’m so stupid for not knowing better”—they pivot toward gentler, more forgiving self-reflection—“I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me.”
This isn’t just my experience. Researchers of a 2022 study noted that “A higher self-compassion score predicts greater resilience, which is correlated with greater psychological well-being.”
5. You adapt to change with an open mind
Last but not least, adapting to change with a curious rather than fearful attitude is one of the clearest signs of resilience.
Life throws curveballs at us all the time, whether it’s changing jobs, moving to a new city, or adjusting to unexpected personal circumstances. If your instinct is to think, “Okay, how can I make this work?” instead of “Oh no, everything is ruined,” you’re quietly displaying some serious mental toughness.
I’ve noticed this trait in many of my clients who manage to flourish despite upheavals in their lives.
For instance, one client lost her job quite suddenly but took it as an opportunity to pivot toward a field she was truly passionate about. She chose curiosity over panic, researching new industries, taking courses, and discovering new ways to use her existing skills. Not only did she land on her feet, she ended up in a more fulfilling role. That ability to see change as an invitation rather than a threat really speaks to how deeply resilient she was.
Final thoughts
Resilience isn’t just about pulling off grand feats in the face of staggering odds. Sometimes, it’s about how you handle a small disappointment, lean on a friend, talk kindly to yourself, or embrace change. These habits might feel routine, but they’re anything but ordinary. They’re quiet markers of your inner strength.
So, give yourself a little pat on the back if you see yourself in these five habits. And if you don’t, consider this an invitation to explore new ways of responding to life’s challenges. Quiet changes often lead to loud transformations in how we experience ourselves and the world.
