Let’s be honest: the way we express love and care can vary wildly from one generation to the next.
I’ve noticed this firsthand, watching my sons raise their children in a tech-driven world that moves faster than I could have imagined when I was a girl. They show love through video calls, text messages brimming with heart emojis, and spontaneous weekend trips. And it’s wonderful to see—just different from how my friends and I, as baby boomers, tend to show our affection.
I grew up in a time when writing letters was a weekly habit, and making a long-distance phone call felt like an event. Over the years—both as an educator counseling teenagers and now as a retiree blogging about personal development—what I’ve observed is that my generation’s way of expressing love often involves subtleties, gestures that might not always be loud or flashy but that carry deep, heartfelt meaning.
Today, I want to share five specific (and perhaps surprising) ways we boomers demonstrate love differently than younger folks.
1. Offering time and presence over fancy gifts
I’d say the first subtle way we boomers show love often revolves around giving the gift of our time and full presence.
It’s certainly not about extravagant gifts or lavish parties. After all, many of us came of age in families that didn’t have endless resources. We learned early on that sharing an hour of conversation, cooking someone’s favorite meal, or driving across town just to be there in person could speak volumes.
I recall a student from my teaching years who was always amazed at how her grandmother—another boomer—would show up for every school play and after-school event without fail. It wasn’t about performing in front of the largest crowd, but seeing that one face in the audience who truly cared. It mattered, especially on those days when everyone else in her life was too busy or too far away to attend.
By choosing time over trinkets, we quietly redefine what “success” in relationships looks like. It’s not about how many expensive items we can hand over; it’s about how deeply we connect on a personal level.
2. Sharing stories and wisdom (sometimes without being asked)
Another hallmark of boomer-style affection is our tendency to share personal stories, anecdotes, or life lessons—often before anyone’s specifically requested them!
I’m guilty of this myself. My sons tease me about how I can turn a simple question about cooking spaghetti into a story about my grandmother’s homegrown tomatoes and how they brought the entire extended family together every Sunday.
But behind these “back in my day” tales, there’s often genuine care and a desire to protect younger generations from making the same missteps we did.
For example, when my oldest son was buying his first home, I couldn’t help but chime in with a hundred little tips about budgeting, inspections, and dealing with pesky realtors. In my mind, every anecdote was an act of love—a way of looking out for him.
Sometimes, younger folks might roll their eyes—sure, we get that—but if we’re honest, there’s wisdom in the stories we carry. We’ve navigated financial ups and downs, career shifts, and the changing tides of marriage, friendships, and family. And there’s something deeply loving about passing on those experiences so others can find shortcuts to success, or at least avoid the biggest pitfalls.
3. Communicating through small acts of service
When I was growing up, my mother would show her affection not by saying “I love you” but by doing the laundry before I even realized the hamper was full or by preparing my lunch exactly the way I liked it.
Flash forward fifty-some years, and I still can’t help tidying up my grandchildren’s play area whenever I visit—my sons will joke, “Mom, we’ve got it,” but I can’t resist. That’s how I, too, say, I love you without words.
While millennials and Gen Zers might demonstrate love through social media shout-outs or curated date nights, many in my generation lean on these behind-the-scenes actions—quietly helping with chores, running errands, or cooking an old family recipe.
It isn’t showy, and it often goes unnoticed until someone steps back and says, “Oh, you already took care of that?”
4. Prioritizing traditions and passing them down
If you’ve read some of my other posts on DM News, you’ll know how much I value traditions—especially those rooted in family and community.
Holding onto traditions might seem outdated to some, but for us boomers, they can be powerful expressions of love. Annual family barbecues, holiday brunches, handwritten birthday cards—these rituals bind us together through time and remind us that we’re part of something bigger.
As a retired teacher, I’ve encountered countless young adults who’ve told me they love their parents or grandparents for the memories they created at special events. They might not recall every gift given, but they remember the feeling of everyone gathered around the table, the jokes told, the well-worn stories repeated.
That is where love becomes tangible.
I know my grandchildren might not keep all the same traditions when they have kids of their own—some might evolve, especially in a world dominated by streaming services and social media. But the love behind them, that sense of togetherness, is something I believe they’ll carry forward.
I see it as part of our boomer legacy, one that redefines what “success” in relationships looks like: not simply forging new paths, but also honoring the ones that got us here.
5. Encouraging independence and resilience (even when it’s tough)
Finally, but perhaps most importantly, many of us have a subtle way of showing love that involves stepping back and letting our loved ones learn to stand on their own two feet.
This might not look like affection at first glance—particularly to younger folks who might be inclined to give more immediate validation or hands-on support. I think it stems from a time when parents and grandparents (like mine) firmly believed in teaching resilience.
I remember when I got my first job as a summer camp counselor during high school. My mother drove me there on the first day, gave me a quick hug, and then waved goodbye. No fuss, no pep talk, no monthly check-ins to see how I was feeling.
It wasn’t neglectful; it was her way of expressing confidence in me. She believed I had what it took to do well and didn’t want to hover.
Now, that approach can seem aloof to a generation used to more direct affirmations and consistent feedback. Yet I find myself doing something similar with my sons and grandkids. I don’t need to remind them daily how to fix a bike chain or how to study for an exam.
By letting them figure it out, I’m showing I trust in their abilities—and, ironically, that trust is part of my love.
Concluding thoughts
As someone who’s lived through decades of cultural shifts—rotary phones to smartphones, snail mail to instant messaging—I’ve witnessed how expressions of love adapt to the times.
But many of us boomers still carry vestiges of earlier eras, and that shapes how we show affection. It may be subtler, less digitally documented, but it’s every bit as real and heartfelt.
Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts, because there’s always more to learn about the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways we show each other we care.
