It’s easy to think our biggest energy drains are the obvious culprits: junk food or the occasional Netflix binge. But in my experience, the most significant saps on our mental and emotional bandwidth usually fly under the radar.
These quiet energy vampires take a toll on our productivity, our relationships, and even our physical health.
Today, we look at seven such invisible behaviors that quietly chip away at our energy reserves—and what we can do to reclaim that lost stamina.
Let’s dive in.
1. Overcommitment and people-pleasing
I’ve been there more times than I care to admit: saying “yes” to every request, every invite, every “quick favor” at work. It might feel good in the moment—who doesn’t like being helpful? But it can quickly become overwhelming, leaving us drained and resentful.
When we say “yes” too often, we’re essentially signing our energy away. We end up with no room for ourselves or the tasks that truly matter.
The result? Mental fatigue, stress, and a perpetual sense that we’re running on empty.
How to stop feeding it:
- Practice pausing before you agree to new commitments. Sometimes taking a beat to say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you,” can make all the difference.
- Start small. If you’re on autopilot yes-mode, try holding off on at least one upcoming request.
- Learn to delegate. Handing off tasks to others might feel unnatural at first, but you’d be surprised how many people are willing (or even eager) to help.
As bestselling author Greg McKeown notes, “If you don’t prioritize your life someone else will”.
2. Mindless screen time
There’s nothing wrong with scrolling through social media or watching a funny video now and then. The problem arises when we slip from a five-minute break to a full-blown hour of mindless swiping.
That subtle mental drain often leaves us feeling more exhausted rather than recharged. Worse yet, as noted by the folks at Harvard Health, research suggests doomscrolling (scrolling through large quantities of negative or distressing news, social media posts, or other content) can cause “greater levels of existential anxiety.”
I used to excuse my habit by telling myself it was research—I used to work in digital marketing, so I needed to stay on top of trends, right? But in reality, I was just zoning out in a digital spiral, and it led to more fatigue than relaxation.
How to stop feeding it:
- Set screen time limits on your phone. It might sound simplistic, but having a built-in reminder can snap you out of mindlessness.
- Go for scheduled breaks. Instead of scrolling every time you feel bored, decide on intentional times to check social media.
- Keep your phone out of reach. If possible, charge it in another room when you’re focusing on a task or winding down for the night.
3. Negative self-talk
We all have that inner dialogue running in the background. Sometimes it’s helpful, but when it turns into a negative commentary—criticizing our every move—our energy takes a major hit.
Legendary author Dale Carnegie once said, “Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment.” Much of that worry and frustration can stem from how we speak to ourselves.
Picture all the times you’ve silently told yourself: “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess things up.” Each of those thoughts can gnaw at your enthusiasm and deplete your motivation.
How to stop feeding it:
- Identify recurring negative phrases. Write them down and challenge them with evidence to the contrary.
- Replace them with neutral (or positive) affirmations. For instance, if you often think “I’m terrible at managing money,” switch to “I’m learning to handle my finances more effectively.”
- Talk it out. Sometimes just telling a friend or therapist about those internal barbs helps lessen their power over you.
4. Holding onto grudges
This is a huge one. Harboring resentment is like carrying around a weight that only grows heavier the longer we hold it.
It’s easy to believe we’re punishing someone else by staying angry, but the truth is, they might not even notice. Meanwhile, we’re the ones paying the emotional cost.
And it doesn’t stop at emotions. As psychotherapist Sean Grover noted in a Psychology Today post, the stress from grudges can result in physical issues such as heart problems and high blood pressure.
How to stop feeding it:
- Practice empathy. Sometimes stepping into the other person’s shoes can reduce the sting of resentment.
- Make a conscious choice to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t about letting people off the hook; it’s about releasing yourself from the emotional burden.
- Seek closure if needed. A calm, honest conversation can do wonders in helping both parties move on.
5. Constantly comparing
Scrolling through social media, it’s easy to see someone else’s carefully curated highlight reel and think, “Why am I not there yet?” or “What’s wrong with me?” This habit of comparison doesn’t just dampen mood; it directly saps our motivation and can even spiral into self-doubt.
Especially in this digital age, we’ve got more insight into other people’s “success” than ever before. If we’re not mindful, it becomes an unending cycle of envy and self-criticism.
How to stop feeding it:
- Limit social media use (notice a theme?). Constant comparisons often start there.
- Celebrate others without devaluing yourself. Someone else’s success doesn’t mean your failure.
- Track your progress. Focus on how far you’ve come instead of how far others have gone.
6. Inconsistent sleep
While this might be more visible than some other behaviors, it’s often overlooked because we rationalize it away with “I’ll catch up on sleep later.” The trouble is, inconsistent sleep patterns wreak havoc on our mood, productivity, and, of course, energy.
One day, we’re up late binge-watching a show, the next, we’re forcing ourselves to rise at dawn for a workout, and we wonder why we’re dragging by mid-afternoon. Over time, these erratic schedules chip away at both our physical health and mental clarity.
How to stop feeding it:
- Stick to a bedtime routine. It doesn’t have to be fancy—a short wind-down habit can prime your body for rest.
- Avoid caffeine or heavy meals late at night. They can disrupt your ability to fall asleep or stay asleep.
- Embrace the power of naps, but keep them short (20-30 minutes). Long naps can disrupt nighttime sleep.
7. Leaving tasks unfinished
Last but not least, let’s talk about that pile of unfinished tasks—both personal and professional.
I’m talking about the half-read book that stares at you from the nightstand, the incomplete household project that you haven’t touched in weeks, the email you’ve drafted but never sent.
These open loops linger in our subconscious, creating a constant simmer of stress. This is well backed up by experts, too. For instance, as noted by Harvard Business Review, “Failing to complete a task creates underlying cognitive tension.” In other words, even when we’re not consciously thinking about it, the mind stays slightly on edge, as if the task is still demanding our attention.
How to stop feeding it:
- Make a simple to-do list. Seeing everything laid out in one place can help you tackle tasks methodically.
- Break projects into small, manageable steps. If a project looms too large, you’ll be tempted to avoid it.
- Use the “two-minute rule.” If you can finish a task in two minutes or less, do it immediately instead of putting it off.
Putting it all together
When we look at these seven behaviors—overcommitment, mindless scrolling, negative self-talk, grudges, comparisons, erratic sleep, and unfinished tasks—it’s clear that they sap our energy in subtle but profound ways. They might not seem dramatic in the moment, but add them up over weeks or months, and they can consume a staggering portion of our mental and emotional capacity.
The good news is that we have the power to break these habits. We can learn to say no more often, find healthier ways to take breaks, challenge our inner critic, let go of old grudges, keep our eyes on our own path, get consistent sleep, and close those open loops.
If you feel exhausted by the end of the day—even when you haven’t done much—chances are one (or more) of these invisible behaviors is part of the issue. Recognizing them is the first step toward restoring your energy. And once you do, you’ll open the door to better focus, improved relationships, and a healthier, more balanced life overall.
So, how about it? Ready to take that energy back?
