- Tension: Many of us are weighed down by the fear of judgment and the need for approval, constantly adjusting our actions to please others—even when it quietly erodes our authenticity.
- Noise: Self-help advice often tells us to “not care what others think,” but stops short of showing how that actually plays out in everyday life, leaving us with inspiring ideas and little practical change.
- Direct Message: Mel Robbins’ “let them” theory isn’t just a feel-good mantra—it’s a liberating mindset shift that empowers you to reclaim your energy, detach from unnecessary validation, and define your worth on your own terms.
This article follows the Direct Message methodology, designed to cut through the noise and reveal the deeper truths behind the stories we live.
I first came across Mel Robbins’ ‘let them’ theory while perusing the self-help section of my local bookstore.
Robbins, a renowned motivational speaker and author, developed this theory as a means to help individuals unburden themselves from the expectations and judgments of others.
Essentially, the principle is: if someone wants to think negatively about you, let them. Their thoughts shouldn’t dictate your happiness or self-worth.
Intrigued by this seemingly liberating concept, I decided to give it a go. After all, as a freelance writer constantly exposing my work to public scrutiny and criticism, I was no stranger to judgment.
I was slightly apprehensive at first. After all, it’s one thing to read about such a theory in the comfort of your home and another entirely to apply it in the chaos of the real world.
Yet, the notion of freeing myself from the weight of others’ opinions was too tempting. So, armed with a newfound determination and a copy of Robbins’ book for reference, I embarked on this intriguing journey.
Facing criticism head-on became my new normal. From unflattering comments about my writing style to unsolicited advice on how I should lead my life – I faced it all with an unwavering ‘let them’ attitude.
This experiment wasn’t without its challenges. There were moments when I wanted to revert back to my old defensive mechanisms. But something kept me going – the promise of a life less burdened by external judgments.
The result? It’s been an enlightening journey thus far. One that has made me question long-held beliefs about validation and self-worth. And as someone who has tried Robbins’ ‘let them’ theory firsthand, I can confidently say that it does more than just hold up in real life – it transforms it.
Now that you know how this journey started for me, let’s dig deeper into how exactly this theory played out in my day-to-day life and the profound changes it brought about.
Implementing the ‘let them’ theory in my daily life
The first step in my journey was to consciously remind myself of Robbins’ theory whenever I encountered criticism. Whether it was a snide remark about my latest article or a disapproving comment on my lifestyle choices, I told myself, “Let them think what they want.”
This wasn’t an easy habit to cultivate. Initially, my instinct was to defend myself, explain my perspective, and try to change the other person’s opinion. But I stuck with the ‘let them’ mantra, biting back retorts and justifications.
In silence, I found strength. Detaching myself from others’ opinions was liberating. Instead of exhausting myself in futile arguments, I focused my energy on constructive pursuits – improving my writing skills and making decisions that adhered to my values.
Not everyone approved of my new approach. Many perceived it as aloofness or arrogance. But remember, the whole point was not to be affected by such judgments. So, I continued on my path, undeterred.
This experiment has been a revelation. It has transformed how I perceive criticism and helped me realize that it’s okay not to please everyone. And while this theory might sound a bit idealistic to some, I can vouch for its practical applicability and benefits.
Challenging the need for external validation
We live in a society that often equates respect and approval with self-worth.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling good about ourselves only when we are praised or liked by others. This is the belief that, until recently, I also subscribed to.
However, my experiment with Robbins’ theory made me rethink this notion. It made me realize that the quest for universal approval is not only futile but also detrimental to our mental health. We cannot control how others perceive us, and it’s not our job to try.
The constant need for approval puts us in a state of perpetual anxiety. We end up modifying our behavior, compromising on our values, and curbing our authenticity just to fit into societal norms or someone else’s expectations.
The ‘let them’ theory challenged these engrained beliefs. By practicing it, I understood that my self-worth shouldn’t depend on how others view me. It should be rooted in my own values, actions, and achievements.
This realization was a game-changer. But understanding it intellectually and living it out are two different things.
How to detach from the need for approval
The key to making this shift in perspective was constant practice and self-reminders. Every time I felt the sting of criticism or disapproval, I paused, took a deep breath, and repeated my mantra, “Let them think what they want.”
This wasn’t about ignoring feedback or becoming indifferent. Constructive criticism is important for growth. Instead, it was about discerning the difference between helpful feedback and mere judgment, and not letting the latter affect my self-esteem.
It was also crucial to remind myself of my worth outside of others’ opinions. I started listing down my achievements and qualities that I was proud of, irrespective of external validation.
This served as a reality check whenever I found myself slipping into the old pattern of seeking approval.
Building a support system helped too. Surrounding myself with people who valued authenticity over conformity provided much-needed reassurance during this journey.
If you too are struggling with the weight of external judgments, I urge you to give this approach a try. It won’t be easy initially, but trust me, the freedom and peace that come with it are worth the effort.
Stepping back and redefining your personal narrative
This journey of implementing Mel Robbins’ ‘let them’ theory opened up a larger perspective for me. It wasn’t just about handling criticism or judgments, but about taking back control over my narrative and empowering myself.
The following realizations were instrumental in helping me break free from the cycle of external validation:
- Taking responsibility: Even when the criticism wasn’t justified, I chose to take responsibility for how I let it affect me. This shift in mindset was empowering.
- Thinking independently: I learned to differentiate between societal expectations and my own desires. This led me towards a life that was more authentic and purposeful.
- Recognizing dissatisfaction: Acknowledging the discomfort I felt due to others’ judgments was the first step towards change.
- Facing reality: I gave up on blind positivity and faced the reality of my situation. This helped me address the issue head-on.
- Breaking free from societal expectations: I realized that my worth was not dependent on societal norms or external approval but on my own values and achievements.
By incorporating these insights, I started living life on my terms. My self-esteem was no longer at the mercy of others’ opinions.
If you too resonate with these insights, I encourage you to explore this path. It may not be easy, but it’s worth it.
