Before I set on this path of leadership, I used to think that being a leader was all about garnering admiration and being well-liked.
I believed that if you had a friendly demeanor, people would naturally want to follow you. But when I took on my first managerial role, I quickly realized that this was a myth.
I was reminded of something Steve Jobs once said, “If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader. Sell ice cream”. At first, I laughed it off as an oversimplification. But soon enough, I learned the truth behind these words.
In my initial days, I tried to be everyone’s friend, the “cool boss”, always making decisions that would please the majority.
Soon enough though, it became clear that this approach was not sustainable. Not everyone agreed with my decisions, and no matter how hard I tried to maintain harmony, there were always dissenters.
I found this tough to grapple with initially. After all, I equated liking with respect. However, over time, I realized that true leadership often meant making unpopular decisions for the greater good of the organization.
This revelation was a bitter pill to swallow. It meant acknowledging that you can’t make everyone happy and that being disliked is often an unavoidable part of leadership.
So here’s my journey of shedding my notions about leadership and embracing the reality that real success often means being disliked.
Here’s how I learned the hard way that Steve Jobs’ quote was more than just a witty one-liner.
It was an important lesson in leadership that I needed to understand and accept before truly stepping into my role as a leader.
Embracing the reality of leadership
When I first started out as a leader, I was determined to keep everyone happy. I aimed to be the boss everyone liked and admired. But maintaining that persona was harder than I’d imagined.
Every decision I made was met with resistance from one faction or another. Whether it was about allocating resources, setting goals, or even organizing team-building activities, there would always be someone who disagreed.
And the more I tried to please everyone, the less effective I became.
The turning point came during a critical project. We were behind schedule and over budget. The team was divided on how to proceed.
Half wanted to continue as planned, while the other half proposed a radical change in direction.
I knew that agreeing with either side would alienate the other. I also knew that the project’s success was my responsibility. After much thought, I made the decision that seemed best for the project and the organization, despite its unpopularity.
The backlash was immediate and intense. My inbox was flooded with complaints and criticisms. But as time passed, and the project found its footing again, the same voices that had once criticized me began to appreciate my decision.
This experience taught me something important about leadership: being liked is not a prerequisite for respect or effectiveness. In fact, it’s often quite the opposite.
In the next section, we’ll dive deeper into this common misconception about leadership and why it’s not about gaining popularity but rather making tough decisions for the betterment of everyone involved.
Debunking the leadership popularity myth
The notion that a leader should be well-liked is a widely held belief. Many people, including my past self, equate leadership success with popularity. But this perspective is fundamentally flawed.
Leadership isn’t about making everyone happy or being everyone’s friend. It’s about making tough decisions for the collective good – decisions that may not always be popular.
When I adopted this new perspective, I saw a significant shift in my effectiveness as a leader.
I found that by focusing on what was best for the team and the organization, rather than trying to please everyone, I was able to make more impactful decisions.
I realized that being well-liked and being respected are two different things. While being liked feels good in the moment, it’s not sustainable in the long run.
On the other hand, respect – even if grudgingly given – is earned through consistent, fair decision-making and is much more enduring.
In the next section, I’ll share the practical steps I took to navigate this leadership transition and how I learned to balance being disliked with earning respect.
Shifting the leadership paradigm
The transition from trying to be a well-liked leader to being a respected one was not easy. It required a significant mindset change. Here’s how I navigated this shift:
Firstly, I had to let go of the fear of being disliked. This was probably the hardest part. After all, it’s human nature to want to be liked.
However, I had to remind myself that my role as a leader was not to win a popularity contest, but to make decisions that were in the best interest of the team and the organization.
Next, I focused on being transparent with my team about my decision-making process. This helped them understand why certain decisions were made, even if they didn’t agree with them. Over time, this built trust and garnered respect.
Finally, I ensured that every decision I made was impartial and fair. Even if some decisions were hard to swallow, the team could see they were made with integrity.
If you’re struggling with the same issue, remember that leadership isn’t about popularity. It’s about making tough decisions and earning respect.
It may be hard initially, but over time you’ll find that respect is far more valuable than fleeting popularity.
Stepping back to move forward
In my journey through leadership, I learned several invaluable lessons that extend beyond the confines of the office. They’ve helped me understand and navigate not just my professional life, but my personal one as well.
When I took responsibility for the decisions I made as a leader, even those that were met with resistance, I found an increase in my personal power. I was no longer a victim of circumstances, but an active participant shaping them.
I also learned the importance of thinking independently. Many of the beliefs we hold about leadership, or anything for that matter, are often shaped by societal expectations and cultural programming.
Breaking free from these externally imposed constraints allowed me to lead in a way that was true to myself and effective for my team.
Here are some key takeaways from my journey:
- Accept responsibility for your situation, even when it’s not your fault.
- Learn to think independently, breaking free from societal expectations.
- Acknowledge your dissatisfaction or struggles without avoiding the reality of your situation.
- Seek self-empowerment by making decisions that align with your true nature.
- Question societal myths and expectations that limit your potential.
More than anything, remember that embracing this journey of self-exploration is not meant to be a quick fix. It’s a continuous process of growth and learning.
One resource that has been particularly helpful to me is this book. It’s filled with practical advice on personal development and self-empowerment.
In the end, remember to embrace your unique journey and reshape your own reality. This is what it truly means to be a leader.
