- Tension: In the hustle of daily life, many parents worry that their efforts to show love aren’t resonating, leaving them uncertain about how to make their children feel truly valued.
- Noise: Society often emphasizes grand gestures and material gifts as expressions of love, overshadowing the profound impact of consistent, small acts of attention and empathy.
- Direct Message: It’s the subtle, everyday actions—like giving undivided attention, using your child’s name, and respecting their emotions—that deeply affirm a child’s sense of being seen, heard, and loved.
This article follows the Direct Message methodology, designed to cut through the noise and reveal the deeper truths behind the stories we live.
Parenting is filled with big moments—first steps, first words, first days at school.
But in the grand scheme of things, it’s often the smallest, most consistent actions that have the biggest impact on how loved and secure a child feels.
I’ve thought about this a lot as a parent myself. The grand gestures are nice, of course, but what really sticks with kids are the little things we do day in and day out.
The moments that, to us, might seem insignificant but to them, mean everything.
So, what are some of these tiny yet powerful habits that truly make children feel loved? Let’s dive in.
1) They put down their phone and give their full attention
We all know the feeling of talking to someone who’s half-listening while scrolling through their phone. It’s frustrating, right?
Now imagine being a child, looking up at a parent who is always distracted.
I’ve caught myself doing this before—nodding along to my son’s stories while answering an email or checking the news.
But I’ve noticed a real difference when I make a conscious effort to put my phone down, look him in the eye, and engage fully in the moment.
Child development experts are unanimous in saying that children thrive on attentive presence and positive attention, when a parent is fully engaged with them, even for short bursts of time.
Just five minutes of undivided attention can make a child feel valued and important.
It’s not about being available 24/7—it’s about making the moments we do have count.
2) They use their child’s name often
“Good morning, sweetheart” is nice, but “Good morning, Ellie” hits differently.
Using a child’s name in everyday conversations reinforces their sense of identity and belonging. It signals that they are seen as an individual, not just as “the kid” or “the little one.”
I remember reading about a preschool teacher who made a point to greet every student by name at the start of the day. The children’s faces would light up every single time.
It’s such a simple thing, but it makes kids feel acknowledged and special.
At home, this might look like:
- “James, I love how you helped your sister just now.”
- “Olivia, that was such a creative way to solve that problem.”
- “Liam, I missed you today! How was school?”
It’s a tiny shift, but it sends a powerful message: You matter.
3) They respect their child’s feelings—even the messy ones
Not every emotion kids express is convenient or easy to handle. Tantrums, frustration, sadness—it can be tempting to shut it all down with a quick “You’re fine” or “Stop crying.”
But here’s the thing: When we dismiss a child’s feelings, they don’t stop having them—they just stop sharing them.
Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert in relationships, emphasizes the importance of emotional validation.
According to him, kids who feel heard and supported in their emotions develop stronger emotional intelligence and closer bonds with their parents.
However, that doesn’t mean letting a meltdown run wild. What it actually means is saying things like:
- “I see you’re really frustrated right now. That makes sense.”
- “It’s okay to feel sad. Want to talk about it?”
- “That was disappointing, wasn’t it? I understand.”
Kids need to know that their emotions—big or small—are safe with us.
4) They include their child in everyday tasks
When I was growing up, I loved “helping” my mum cook, even though I probably made more of a mess than anything.
But to me, those moments in the kitchen weren’t about the cooking itself—they were about feeling included and important.
As parents, we sometimes forget that kids don’t always need a separate “special time.” They just want to be part of our world.
Something as simple as letting them:
- Stir the pancake batter
- Water the plants
- Pick out the groceries
- Help fold (or attempt to fold) the laundry
It’s not about efficiency—it’s about connection. These tiny moments show kids that they belong, that their contributions matter, and that we enjoy having them around.
5) They apologize when they mess up
This one took me a while to get comfortable with. Saying “sorry” to your child can feel unnatural, especially when you grew up in a household where parents were always right.
But here’s the truth: Kids learn how to handle mistakes by watching us. If we act like we’re above apologizing, they internalize that mistakes should be hidden or denied.
I’ve had moments where I’ve snapped at my son out of stress, only to feel terrible about it afterward. Now, instead of brushing it off, I’ll say, “I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. I was feeling frustrated, but that wasn’t fair to you.”
The impact is huge. Not only does it teach kids that it’s okay to make mistakes, but it also models healthy conflict resolution.
In a TED Radio Hour interview, parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy reminds us that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes. That’s why it’s so important to get good at what she calls “repair”.
She says, “It’s not the yelling that messes up a kid. It’s the lack of repair after the yelling that messes up a kid.”
Kids don’t need us to be perfect—but they do need us to be real.
6) They create small rituals that feel special
Last but definitely not least, great parents create tiny, meaningful traditions that give kids a sense of stability and love.
These don’t have to be big, elaborate routines. Some of the most powerful rituals are the simplest:
- A silly handshake before school
- Making pancakes every Sunday morning
- Reading the same bedtime story every night
- A “daily debrief” where you ask, “What was the best part of your day?”
I’ve seen firsthand how much kids love these little traditions. They create a sense of comfort and belonging—something they’ll remember long after they’ve grown up.
Wrapping up
At the end of the day, love isn’t just about the big gestures. It’s woven into the everyday moments—the way we listen, the way we speak, the way we show up, even when life gets busy.
The best part? None of these things require extra time, money, or effort. They’re tiny, natural shifts that can make a child feel deeply loved and secure.
So the next time your child tells you about their latest obsession, put your phone down and really listen. Use their name when you praise them. Let them help stir the spaghetti sauce.
And when you mess up? Own it, apologize, and show them that love isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.
These little moments add up. And in the end, they’re what children remember most.