We all crave positive connections with those around us, don’t we? Whether it’s at work, among friends, or even casual acquaintances, we want to be well-liked—if not outright appreciated.
Yet, so many of us have tiny day-to-day habits that push people away. Often, we don’t even realize we’re doing them! I certainly didn’t at times.
There was a phase in my life where I couldn’t figure out why a handful of colleagues seemed distant toward me. Once I started noticing my own “bad habits,” I realized I was undermining those relationships without meaning to.
Today, I want to shine a light on seven small but significant behaviors that can make people take a step back from you almost immediately.
None of these habits are deal-breakers on their own, and you can fix them with some mindfulness and self-awareness.
Let’s walk through them together and discover how to keep our connections strong and genuine.
1. Constantly checking your phone
Picture this: you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone, and every time you glance up, you see them swiping away at their phone. Frustrating, right?
We live in a digital age where technology keeps us connected, but ironically, studies show it can also make us feel more disconnected than ever.
Consistently looking at your phone—scrolling social media, reading emails, or even just fiddling with apps—sends the message that you’re not fully present. And trust me, people do notice.
I had a friend who used to complain that no one opened up to her anymore, but she was glued to her screen whenever we met. It wasn’t long before folks, including me, stopped bothering to initiate deeper conversations.
A simple fix is to be mindful of when and how often you check your device. Put your phone away (yes, completely away!) for the duration of that coffee catch-up or family dinner, and see how much richer your connections become.
2. Interrupting people mid-sentence
Ever try to share a story, only for the other person to barge in with their own comment? It’s a recipe for feeling unheard.
Interrupting is one of the most common habits that can create instant dislike. It suggests you value your own thoughts more than the other person’s.
And while some interruptions might be unintentional—maybe you got excited about what they said—it still can come across as disrespectful.
A mentor of mine once pulled me aside after a team meeting. She said, “Melody, I know you’re enthusiastic, but you cut people off before they finish. You probably don’t mean to, but it’s turning people off.”
That hurt to hear, but it was the wake-up call I needed. I started practicing the art of active listening: consciously making an effort to wait for a natural pause before offering my thoughts.
This small shift changed my workplace relationships dramatically. Sometimes, just letting someone finish their point first is all it takes to show genuine respect.
3. Complaining about everything
We’ve all been around someone who, no matter the scenario, has something negative to say—about the weather, the food, the boss, the traffic, the color of the sky!
Complaining can become such a reflex that we barely notice how often we do it. But trust me, the folks around us pick up on it quickly. And constant negativity tends to drain the energy from any room.
When I was going through my divorce, I found myself in a negative headspace, and it spilled into my day-to-day chatter. At first, friends were sympathetic. But after a while, I noticed fewer invitations to hangouts and a collective sigh whenever I started talking.
That was a hard lesson on how negativity can be contagious.
There’s neuroscience research showing that repeated complaining can physically rewire your brain for more negativity. So it’s not just in your head—chronic complaining shapes how others see you and how you see the world.
Of course, it’s healthy to vent occasionally, but make sure you’re balancing those frustrations with gratitude or solutions.
4. Acting overly self-centered
Have you ever been in a conversation where you realize, “Wait, this isn’t a conversation—this is a monologue about them”?
Someone who talks about themselves, their experiences, and their opinions non-stop, rarely turning it back to the other person, can be off-putting.
It might feel unintentional—you’re sharing your experiences to connect—but if it’s always about you, it can feel like no one else has room to speak.
I used to joke that I had a colleague who turned every discussion into “Storytime with Bob.” But it wasn’t really funny—most people avoided him because they knew he’d never ask about their lives.
There’s a saying that goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” It’s so true, isn’t it? If you only focus on yourself, you’re not showing genuine interest in those around you.
Ultimately, others end up disliking you, or at the very least, uninterested in what you have to say because they don’t get the sense that it’s a two-way street.
The next time you’re sharing an anecdote, pause and invite someone else to share theirs. Asking open-ended questions like, “How about you?” or “What do you think?” can be a game-changer in building rapport.
5. Being a relentless “one-upper”
You know this person: you share a mild story about spraining your ankle, and they come back with an epic tale about how they once broke three bones in a freak circus accident.
Or you mention you’re busy at work, and suddenly they’re busier.
One-upping is a close cousin to being self-centered, but it deserves its own spotlight because it has a special way of making people feel invalidated.
I’ll never forget the moment I realized I was one-upping without intending to. A friend mentioned she was exhausted from parenting—her child had the flu and she was running on two hours of sleep.
Instead of offering sympathy, I launched into my own story of working deadlines while caring for my son alone. I watched her face drop. She needed empathy, not competition.
That one experience taught me the power of simply saying, “Wow, that sounds really tough. I’m here for you.”
The world doesn’t need more stories that overshadow someone else’s struggles—sometimes, it just needs a listening ear.
6. Overusing sarcasm or snark
A bit of playful teasing between friends can be fun, but too much sarcasm (especially at someone’s expense) can sour the mood fast.
Sarcastic remarks can feel like tiny daggers, a subtle form of mockery that leaves people questioning if you really respect them.
We might think it’s “just our humor,” but not everyone finds it endearing, especially when it’s constant.
Back when I worked in digital communications, I had a co-worker who used to roll his eyes and say snarky things like, “Oh sure, that’ll definitely work,” whenever someone proposed an idea in a meeting.
People started keeping their distance and rarely invited him to brainstorm sessions. He was talented but unaware of how harsh he sounded.
It’s wise to check in with yourself and see how often your humor drifts into biting territory. Lighthearted jokes can bond people, but if they’re too cutting, they do more harm than good.
After all, as the poet Maya Angelou famously noted, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
7. Brushing off feedback
Perhaps most crucially, being dismissive of feedback can make you seem unapproachable or, worse, arrogant.
If a friend, colleague, or family member musters up the courage to let you know how your actions affect them, ignoring or trivializing their perspective sends a clear message: you don’t care about their feelings, or you believe you’re always right.
I learned this the hard way a few years ago when a trusted friend approached me about how I’d been cutting her off in group discussions (yes, that old habit again).
Instead of pausing and reflecting, I instantly fired back with defenses—“I was just passionate about the topic,” “You’re too sensitive,” and so on.
It took me days to realize that her feedback was actually an act of trust and openness. Dismissing it only pushed her away.
As you might know, here at DM News, we’re big on self-awareness and growth. Staying open to feedback is at the heart of any real personal development.
A simple “Thank you for letting me know” or “I’ll think about that” can go a long way in preserving a relationship.
Wrapping up
Small habits can have a bigger impact than we often realize. None of the behaviors I mentioned above automatically mean you’re a bad person or unworthy friend.
They’re just the little “blind spots” that can sneak up on us.
The good news is that every single one of them is fixable with a bit of honest reflection and willingness to change.
If you found yourself identifying with a few points on this list, don’t stress too much. Awareness is always the first step to improvement, and we’re all works in progress.
Start by picking just one habit to focus on. Maybe it’s checking your phone less or letting people finish their sentences. Slowly but surely, you’ll notice a shift in how your friends and colleagues respond to you.
A final word: I’m right there with you, learning and adjusting as life goes on. We’re all trying to connect better, love more, and make this human experience a bit less bumpy for everyone. I hope these insights help you on that journey.
And remember—you don’t have to do it alone. A good friend, mentor, or even a quick chat with a counselor can help you fine-tune these little habits and transform your relationships in ways you might never have imagined.
