If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years—both as a single mom balancing work and life, and as someone who has navigated her fair share of ups and downs—it’s that inner peace doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s something we cultivate intentionally by letting go of what doesn’t serve us.
Sometimes, this means saying goodbye to behaviors we once thought were harmless—or even necessary—just so we can preserve our sense of self.
As we grow older, we often realize that hanging onto certain habits costs us more than we ever imagined.
In my own life, I’ve had to part ways with several behaviors that were quietly draining my energy and feeding unnecessary stress.
If you want to feel calmer, more self-assured, and more content with who you are, consider dropping these seven sneaky habits.
1. Constant self-criticism
Have you ever caught yourself mentally replaying a moment where you stumbled over a word, made a tiny mistake at work, or forgot an errand—and then berating yourself for hours or even days?
I used to do this a lot, especially after I decided to pursue writing more seriously.
If I tripped over a phrase or wrote a sentence that didn’t land perfectly, I’d hear that nagging internal voice telling me I wasn’t good enough.
It took me years to recognize this inner critic for what it was: a self-inflicted wound.
We’re so much harsher on ourselves than we’d ever be on a friend, and that harshness robs us of peace.
As Brené Brown has noted in her research on shame and vulnerability, how we talk to ourselves has a direct impact on how we feel about ourselves.
If we insist on tearing ourselves down, we’ll struggle to find that calm, centered feeling we crave.
By all means, work on self-improvement—just don’t weaponize it against your own sense of worth.
When you catch your inner monologue spiraling into self-blame, pause and ask: would I say this to someone I love? If not, cut yourself some slack.
2. Holding grudges and resentment
Many years ago, I found myself nursing a grudge against a former colleague who, in my eyes, had acted unfairly. Every time I remembered that situation, I felt a rush of anger.
It was exhausting.
Trust me, if you let these negative feelings stew, they’ll eat away at your well-being.
And here’s the kicker: most of the time, the person we’re resentful toward barely knows we’re upset. We’re the ones carrying that weight around.
Letting go of a grudge is often less about forgiving the other person and more about freeing yourself. It doesn’t mean condoning what happened; it means deciding not to let it own you.
When you make peace with what’s happened—be it a betrayal, a harsh word, or a misunderstanding—you reclaim mental space for happier, healthier thoughts.
Learning to let go is an ongoing process, but the sense of relief you’ll experience is worth every effort.
3. Chronic people-pleasing
Have you ever agreed to help a friend move on your only day off, taken on extra work when your plate was already overflowing, or smiled through a dinner invitation you knew would drain your energy—all because you didn’t want to disappoint anyone?
Yep, I’ve been there. In fact, I spent many years believing that if I just tried hard enough, I could make everyone around me happy.
But there’s a hidden cost to trying to please everyone: your own peace of mind.
Constant people-pleasing signals to others that your time and boundaries aren’t worth protecting, and over time, you start believing that too.
Setting boundaries and learning to say “no” (politely but firmly) has been one of the greatest acts of self-care in my life.
It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about others. Rather, I’ve realized I can’t pour from an empty cup.
I’ve also discovered that true friends respect and appreciate my honesty when I’m upfront about what I can and can’t do.
Boundaries don’t push people away; they create safer spaces for authentic relationships to thrive.
4. Living in the past
I spent a lot of time reflecting on “what could have been” when my marriage ended. I’d lie awake retracing every step, wondering if I could’ve done something differently, or if life would’ve turned out better had I taken another path.
It’s natural to revisit past events—you’re only human, after all.
But constant dwelling is like trying to drive forward while staring into the rearview mirror. You miss out on what’s happening now, and you set yourself up to crash into what’s ahead.
It helped me to realize that, while we can learn from our past, we don’t have to live there.
According to Psychiatry.org, rumination—replaying distressing moments repeatedly—can contribute to increased anxiety and even depression.
If you tend to fall into this trap, try gently redirecting your thoughts to the present. A simple grounding exercise, like focusing on your breathing or noticing what you’re grateful for right now, works wonders.
The more you anchor yourself in the here and now, the more peace you’ll feel in your daily life.
5. Ruminating over what others think
While we’re on the topic of ruminating, let’s talk about another thing that often instantly robs us of tranquility – the worry of how others perceive us.
This can range from obsessing over social media likes to constantly second-guessing yourself at work, fearing every little mistake will tarnish your reputation.
I remember a time when I wrote my first opinion piece for a blog. I was terrified of the comments section—what if someone thought my perspective was ridiculous?
I’d cycle through endless “what if” scenarios, trying to guess how people would react.
But the truth is, no matter how carefully you curate your actions and words, someone out there will disapprove.
Attempting to please the crowd is a never-ending treadmill that’s almost guaranteed to wear you down. Let external opinions become background noise rather than the driving force of your decisions.
Today, I remind myself that my job is to be authentic, not perfect. That’s a good reminder for you as well.
By focusing on what feels right to you—your values, your boundaries, your passions—you naturally develop a steadier sense of self.
And that, in turn, brings a level of peace no amount of external approval can match.
6. Avoiding uncomfortable emotions
I used to think that if I ignored certain emotions—anger, sadness, jealousy—they would vanish on their own.
So I’d numb them out with endless scrolling on my phone or by burying myself in work.
But emotions that go unacknowledged don’t disappear; they usually morph into something harder to deal with, like chronic stress or sudden bursts of frustration.
As a writer, I’ve come to see the value in naming what I feel: it’s the first step toward understanding it.
As psychologist Dr. Susan David has noted, emotional agility—the ability to be flexible with our thoughts and feelings—is crucial for psychological well-being.
Acknowledging your feelings isn’t weakness; it’s awareness. When you let yourself feel, you’re not getting stuck in negativity—you’re processing what’s going on, so you can move forward lighter and wiser.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to bottling things up. But I’ve found that leaning into discomfort is one of the most liberating steps you can take toward true inner peace.
7. Sabotaging your own needs
Last but definitely not least, sabotaging your needs is a huge roadblock on the path to inner calm.
By “sabotaging,” I mean consistently neglecting your basic desires and well-being—whether that’s proper rest, a reasonable workload, or quality time with loved ones.
When you don’t give yourself what you need, you’re effectively telling yourself you don’t matter as much as everything else in your life.
Trust me, that message can seep into your subconscious and erode your peace.
Instead, try making a conscious effort to identify one need—maybe it’s a full eight hours of sleep, or thirty minutes each morning to journal—and honor it every day.
If scheduling breaks or booking a therapy session helps you keep your mental and emotional tank full, do it without guilt.
Prioritizing your well-being is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to nurture inner peace.
Wrapping up
Breaking free from these seven behaviors might feel like a daunting task, especially if they’ve become a familiar part of your everyday life.
But I promise you, each one you let go of creates space for something far more nourishing—self-compassion, clarity, meaningful connections, and a deeper sense of contentment.
Life inevitably throws challenges our way, and growing older doesn’t mean we’ll magically stop facing difficulties.
However, it does mean we have more chances to refine who we are and how we move through the world.
By saying goodbye to these unhelpful behaviors, you’re not just reacting to life’s twists and turns—you’re proactively shaping a future where peace, resilience, and self-acceptance guide your path.
The journey won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it. Here’s to a calmer, more centered version of you.
