If you’re reading this, chances are you’re looking for ways to make your partner feel genuinely appreciated.
Maybe you’ve noticed some distance creeping in or you’ve caught yourself doing things you’re not exactly proud of.
I’ve been there too—even though I’m a relationship counselor and should “know better”, sometimes, life’s hectic pace just makes it easy to slip into autopilot mode myself.
That’s why it’s always good to be vigilant – the little things we do or fail to do each day can erode that sense of being truly valued.
I’ve spent years working with couples in my practice, and there’s one pattern I see time and time again: people often underestimate how the “mundane” daily interactions shape a relationship.
A single careless comment might seem harmless, but multiply that by weeks or months, and you’ve got a recipe for disconnection.
On the flip side, it’s the smallest thoughtful gestures that make our loved ones feel like they matter.
Today, I want to walk you through seven common everyday mistakes that can leave your partner feeling overlooked and unimportant—and how to knock them out of your day-to-day routine.
1. Overlooking the art of listening
How many times have you found yourself nodding absentmindedly while your partner is talking, only to realize you didn’t catch a word they said?
This happens far too often. We think we’re listening just because we’re making eye contact or because we can repeat back a sentence or two. But truly tuning in goes beyond those surface-level habits.
Listening is about being present. It’s about putting your phone down, turning off the TV, and showing that you’re genuinely engaged.
Sometimes, I like to put myself in my partner’s shoes, imagining how it feels when someone only half pays attention. It’s a quick reminder to stay connected and ask follow-up questions that show you’re invested.
After all, we all crave that feeling of being heard. And when we sense it’s not there, we start feeling unimportant pretty fast.
2. Invalidating their emotions
Have you ever dismissed your partner’s concerns by saying something like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “Stop worrying so much”?
It might come from a place of wanting to reassure them, but more often than not, it comes across as invalidating their feelings.
This is one of the quickest ways to make your significant other feel like their emotions don’t count.
We’re all wired differently. What seems trivial to you could be monumental to them. That’s why it’s crucial to learn the difference between healthy reassurance and brushing someone off.
The folks at Very Well Mind stand behind this, noting that emotional validation is a cornerstone of healthy relationships.
Instead of downplaying their feelings, try saying, “I see this is tough for you. How can I help?” or simply “I’m here for you.” Small changes in language can make a world of difference.
3. Taking each other for granted
Ever catch yourself assuming your partner will always be there, no matter what? It’s so easy to fall into a pattern of routine comfort that turns into neglect.
We get used to their presence, their care, their love, and we forget to consciously show appreciation. But nobody wants to feel like a piece of furniture—always there but rarely noticed.
One thing I’ve started doing is asking myself, “If this was the last day I got to spend with my partner, how would I treat them?”
Maybe that sounds dramatic, but it truly shifts my perspective. Suddenly, I notice their smiles more, I remember to say thank you for the smallest tasks, and I treat everyday moments as opportunities to show gratitude.
Taking each other for granted erodes the sense of being treasured. It’s the subtle shift from “I have to do this” to “I get to do this with someone I love” that reignites the connection.
4. Letting distractions take center stage
It’s 2025, and there’s no shortage of things that pull our attention away from our partners—text messages, social media, endless streaming options, you name it.
Sometimes we rationalize it: “I’m just checking my email,” or “I’m only scrolling for a minute.”
But when that minute turns into half an hour of mindless scrolling while your partner is trying to share their day, it sends a clear signal: everything else is more important than them.
Yes, life is busy. But deciding to put down the phone is also a choice.
I’ve made a rule with my spouse that we have phone-free dinners at least three times a week. It’s astounding how even that small boundary fosters more meaningful conversations.
As one study found, technology can either bring us closer or widen the gap—depending on how we use it. In my view, it’s about using devices to connect, not as a barrier that disconnects.
5. Neglecting appreciation and gratitude
When relationships start becoming routine, compliments and gratitude can slip through the cracks. It might feel awkward to say “thank you” for something you think is expected, like cooking dinner or taking out the trash.
But trust me, a little acknowledgment goes a long way in showing your partner that you see and value what they do.
This point hits especially close to home for me. When I felt myself slipping into this complacency, I decided to look for ways to deepen our bond.
That’s when I stumbled upon Rudá Iandê’s “Love and Intimacy” masterclass. The exercises helped me uncover some of my own blind spots, including how often I took my partner’s efforts for granted.
The course inspired me to be more mindful of how I express gratitude, and I started recommending it to some of my clients too. It covers so much more than just appreciating your partner; it helps you break free from damaging patterns, challenge limiting beliefs, and discover how emotional independence can actually make you a better partner.
When you make gratitude a habit, it’s amazing how quickly your partner begins to glow under that sense of recognition.
6. Skipping the celebration of wins
Let’s face it: life is busy, and sometimes it feels like there’s no time to celebrate every little thing. But celebrating isn’t only about throwing a huge party or booking a fancy dinner. It’s about taking a moment to acknowledge milestones, big or small.
Maybe your partner finally finished that home project they’ve been working on or wrapped up a challenging task at work. Maybe they simply had a good day after a stressful week.
Recognizing these wins sends the message that their victories are important to you.
Couples who share each other’s joys build stronger, healthier relationships. It’s not just about how you support each other during low points, but also how you amplify each other’s highs.
By taking the time to say, “Hey, I see you. I’m proud of you,” you offer a sense of validation that keeps the connection vibrant.
7. Holding onto negativity and criticism
I’ve saved a big one until last, friends. Constant criticism or an undercurrent of negativity can wear down even the strongest relationships.
Maybe it’s the daily jabs about how they do the laundry “wrong,” or a harsh tone when you talk about finances. Each little remark might not be a big deal in isolation, but over time, they chip away at your partner’s self-esteem and sense of being valued.
If you catch yourself being overly critical, it might be time to question what’s really going on. Are you stressed from work? Are you dealing with underlying frustrations that have nothing to do with your partner?
In moments of high stress, it’s easy to lash out at the person closest to us. But what helps is taking a step back, recognizing your feelings for what they are, and addressing them directly rather than displacing them onto your relationship.
Not only does this show respect for your partner, it also fosters a healthier mindset for you.
Final thoughts
We all slip up now and then—I’m far from perfect. But awareness is the first step toward making positive changes.
The key is to be intentional about how you interact with your partner. Listen closely, honor their emotions, show gratitude, celebrate their wins, and keep your focus on what truly matters.
It’s these small, everyday actions that add up to a relationship where both partners feel seen, heard, and undeniably valued.
Signing off.
