We all want our children to admire and respect us—especially as they move into those teenage years and eventually adulthood.
Yet, when I look back on my own journey with my son, I realize how easy it can be to slip into patterns that diminish the very respect we’re trying to build.
After all, how many times have we found ourselves repeating the same phrases or behaviors that frustrated us as kids?
In my experience, staying aware of the effect our actions have on our children is half the battle. The other half is consciously ditching the habits that harm the parent-child bond.
So if you’re aiming to nurture genuine respect from your children as they grow up, here are eight behaviors to reconsider—and ultimately say goodbye to.
1. Yelling or losing your temper
I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes the pressures of the day pile up, and before you know it, a minor mishap (like a spilled glass of milk) causes an outburst you later regret.
But here’s the problem with frequent yelling—it teaches our kids that yelling is an acceptable way to express frustration. Over time, this dynamic can erode their trust and respect.
A study has found that children who are exposed to harsh verbal discipline can develop emotional and behavioral problems.
Not exactly the path we want to set them on, right? So, the key is learning to pause. Take a breath, walk away for a moment, and come back with a calmer mindset.
Modeling emotional regulation is not only healthier for you, but it also gives your child an invaluable blueprint for how to handle conflict.
2. Dismissing their feelings
Have you ever caught yourself saying something like, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal”?
Children’s emotions can be big, even if the triggers seem small to us. Dismissing or minimizing these feelings tells them that what they experience isn’t valid.
And if they believe you don’t take them seriously, why should they offer you the same courtesy in return?
When we acknowledge our kids’ feelings—however trivial they may seem—we show them respect. We’re effectively saying: “I see you, I hear you, and your emotions matter.” That’s how respect is fostered on both sides.
3. Being overly controlling
It’s natural to want to shield our children from negative outcomes.
I’ve caught myself trying to micromanage my son’s schedule, homework routine, and even his friendships, all in the name of love. But overly controlling behavior backfires.
It sends the message that we don’t trust our children to make good decisions, leaving them feeling powerless and resentful.
Research points out that while structure is vital, excessive control hinders a child’s development of autonomy.
When kids don’t have the room to fail and learn, they can grow up either timid or rebellious—and neither fosters a relationship built on mutual respect.
Instead, guiding children through choices and letting them experience consequences (within reason) shows that we believe in their ability to navigate life.
4. Using harsh punishments and threats
I remember an acquaintance who used to threaten to take away every single privilege her son had if he didn’t comply instantly.
“I’ll ground you for a month,” she’d say over small infractions, or “You’ll never see your video games again!” Over time, though, her child simply stopped taking these threats seriously because they were disproportionate and often not followed through.
When punishments and threats are excessive or inconsistently enforced, kids learn that your word isn’t reliable—or that you’re more interested in controlling them through fear rather than guidance.
In the long run, fear erodes respect. Instead, focus on fair and consistent consequences that relate directly to the issue at hand.
Logical consequences allow kids to connect their actions to the outcome in a meaningful way.
5. Constantly criticizing or comparing
Have you ever caught yourself saying, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “You never do anything right!”
Statements like these can cut deep, leaving long-lasting scars on a child’s self-esteem. Children who grow up hearing nonstop criticism often internalize it, believing they’re inherently flawed.
A more supportive approach is to point out what they’ve done well first, then guide them on what can be improved.
This is something I’ve had to work on myself—I used to fixate on what went wrong, but over time, I realized that starting with a positive observation sets a cooperative tone.
Our kids want our approval, and they respond better when they feel valued.
6. Ignoring their need for autonomy
Our children are individuals, not extensions of us. It’s so easy to forget that, especially when they’re little.
But as they get older, they want—and need—the freedom to explore their own interests, beliefs, and identities. If we constantly dismiss their preferences or make choices on their behalf without any input, we risk sending the message that their perspective doesn’t matter.
One of my friends, a fellow single mom, once told me a story about her teenage daughter wanting to paint her bedroom walls black.
Her initial reaction was a hard “No.” But after a calm conversation, my friend realized it was a form of self-expression. They compromised on a deep gray that made her daughter feel heard and gave her space a personalized touch.
That small gesture of acknowledging autonomy created a deeper sense of mutual respect.
7. Failing to model the behavior you want to see
“Do as I say, not as I do” never really works, does it? Children, regardless of age, are experts at spotting hypocrisy.
If we preach honesty but bend the rules ourselves, or if we talk about politeness but snap at the cashier, kids notice. It’s the classic scenario where our actions speak louder than words.
Stephen Covey’s well-known principle, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” resonates deeply here.
If we show empathy, if we listen, if we treat others with kindness—even in challenging moments—our kids learn these behaviors by example.
Modeling what respect looks like in our daily interactions lays the groundwork for how they will treat us and those around them.
8. Being inconsistent with boundaries and rules
Perhaps most crucially, inconsistency can undermine any sense of respect we hope to build.
If one day we’re laid-back about chores and the next day we explode because the dishes aren’t done, kids end up feeling confused.
Or maybe we give them a certain bedtime, but we keep changing it arbitrarily. The message? Our rules—and by extension, our word—aren’t stable.
Children thrive on consistency and routine because it gives them a sense of security. They know what to expect and what’s expected of them in return.
As Sheryl Sandberg has said, “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”
That awareness applies to recognizing when our own behavior is erratic. By ensuring we’re clear and consistent, we not only maintain our credibility but also earn our child’s trust and respect over the long haul.
You might have read my post on setting boundaries in professional settings, and the principle holds true in families as well.
Here at DM News, we often talk about the power of consistent messaging—whether it’s in marketing campaigns or in everyday communication.
If we’re erratic in how we treat customers or handle brand guidelines, the message gets muddled, right? It’s the same at home: consistency breeds trust.
Wrapping up
If you recognized any of these eight behaviors in your own life, take heart: awareness is the first step toward positive change.
None of us are perfect parents, and truthfully, perfection shouldn’t be the goal. The goal is to cultivate a healthy, respectful relationship with our children, one rooted in mutual understanding.
I’ve certainly stumbled along the way and had to course-correct more times than I can count. But each time I identify one of these harmful patterns, I remind myself that every day is a fresh opportunity to do better.
Whether you’re aiming to stay calm instead of yelling, actually listen instead of dismiss, or provide consistent boundaries rather than shifting them on a whim, the effort you make will resonate.
Our kids notice, appreciate, and ultimately respect the intentional changes we commit to.
At DM News, we’re big believers in personal growth—both in our professional lives and at home. After all, communication, empathy, and respect are universal values.
If we bring them to our parenting, we’re building a foundation that can lead to deeper connections and, eventually, mutual respect that carries far beyond childhood.
So here’s to breaking old patterns and embracing new ones.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the way we treat our children today shapes how they’ll treat us—and themselves—tomorrow.
