There’s a fine line between being assertive and being difficult.
Often, people cross that line without even realizing they’ve become a challenge to deal with.
Being difficult can strain relationships, both personal and professional, and can lead to isolation. It’s important to be aware of the signs that you might be coming off as difficult, even if you don’t mean to be that way.
Here are eight signs that you might be a tough person to get along with, and you might not even realize it.
1) You’re often the last to know
It’s a strange paradox, but often the people who are the most difficult to get along with are the last to realize it.
You might think you’re just being straightforward or honest, but to others, you might come across as abrasive or dismissive.
If you often find yourself in situations where you feel everyone is overreacting, or if you frequently hear feedback that you’re hard to deal with, it might be a sign that you’re the common denominator.
While it’s not easy to swallow, acknowledging this reality could be the first step towards becoming easier to get along with. It’s about gaining self-awareness and understanding how your actions affect others.
2) People seem to avoid you
I remember this one time at a previous job where I noticed a sudden change in the behavior of my colleagues towards me.
They started to avoid having lunch with me, stopped including me in their after-work plans, and even began excluding me from casual conversations in the office.
At first, I thought it was just a coincidence or maybe they were just busy. But then I realized, it wasn’t them. It was me.
My constant criticism and negativity had become a burden for them. It made our interactions unpleasant, and they had started avoiding me to escape that negativity.
It was a tough pill to swallow, but it was a necessary wake-up call. This realization helped me to reflect on my behavior and work on improving my interactions with others.
3) You struggle to maintain long-term relationships
Maintaining long-term relationships, be it professional or personal, requires a certain degree of flexibility, compromise, and understanding.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, those who are considered difficult to get along with often struggle to maintain long-term relationships.
This is typically because they lack the ability to compromise and adapt to the needs and wants of others. They often prioritize their own needs over others, which can strain relationships over time.
If you find that your relationships often end in conflict or with the other person distancing themselves from you, this could be a sign that you are difficult to get along with.
4) You’re always right
If you constantly feel that you’re always right and everyone else is wrong, it might be a sign that you’re difficult to get along with.
People who are hard to get along with often have a hard time accepting different perspectives. They believe their way of thinking or doing things is the only right way.
This ‘my way or the highway’ attitude can be off-putting for others. It can create a hostile environment where people feel their opinions and ideas are not valued.
Being open to different perspectives not only makes you more approachable but also helps in personal growth. If you find it hard to accept other people’s viewpoints, it might be time to re-evaluate your approach.
5) Feedback makes you defensive
Feedback can sting, there’s no doubt about it. We’re all human, after all, with our insecurities and fears of not measuring up. But how we react to feedback can say a lot about us.
If you find yourself getting defensive or even angry when someone offers you constructive criticism, it might be a sign that you’re difficult to get along with.
People may hesitate to share their thoughts with you for fear of your reaction, creating a barrier in communication.
Remember, feedback is not a personal attack; it’s an opportunity for growth. Embracing it with an open heart can make a world of difference in how others perceive you and how well you get along with them.
6) Empathy isn’t your strong suit
There was a time when I struggled to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. It was as if I had built a wall around myself, which kept me from connecting with people on a deeper level.
I would often dismiss other people’s feelings without giving it a second thought. It wasn’t until I lost a close friend because of this behavior that I realized the importance of empathy.
Being unable to empathize with others can make you seem cold and unapproachable. It can create a distance between you and the people around you, making you difficult to get along with.
Empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective. If this is something you struggle with, it might be worth working on to improve your relationships.
7) You struggle with active listening
Communication is a two-way street, and active listening plays a crucial role in it. If you find yourself interrupting others while they’re speaking or always ready with a response before they’ve finished their point, it’s a sign you’re not really listening.
Active listening involves truly hearing and understanding what the other person is saying. It’s about giving them your full attention, showing interest, and providing thoughtful responses.
If people often feel unheard or misunderstood by you, it might be a sign that you’re difficult to get along with. Improving your listening skills can help foster better relationships.
8) You’re not open to change
One of the biggest signs you’re difficult to get along with is your resistance to change. If you find yourself clinging to your ways and refusing to adapt even when it’s clear that a change is necessary, it can make interactions with you very challenging.
Being adaptable doesn’t mean compromising your values. It’s about growing and evolving with the changing circumstances of life.
Staying rigid and inflexible can alienate people and make it hard for them to connect with you. Being open to change is not just about improving yourself, but also about making it easier for others to get along with you.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
The process of self-awareness and personal growth is like embarking on a journey. It’s a continual path of discovery and transformation.
The signs that you’re difficult to get along with are not definitive labels but rather indicators to guide you on this journey. They shed light on areas of your life that may need some attention and improvement.
Famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Acceptance is the first step towards change.
So, if you’ve identified with some of these signs, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, use this awareness as a stepping stone towards becoming a better version of yourself – someone who is easy to get along with, empathetic, and understanding.
Remember, it’s never too late to change. And every step you take in the direction of personal growth is a step towards better relationships and a happier you.
