Raising kids is a tough job. And when it comes to setting them up for success and happiness, it’s not just about what you say, but how you behave.
Psychology offers interesting insights into the behaviors of parents who seem to get it right.
These are the parents whose children grow up to be confident, content and successful. And guess what? They’re not perfect, but they do follow some key behaviors consistently.
In this article, we’ll explore these 8 behaviors, backed by psychology, that set kids on the path to success and happiness. Whether you’re a parent or an aspiring one, these insights could be game-changing. Let’s dive in.
1) They practice active listening
Parenting is not just about teaching and guiding, it’s about listening too.
Psychology tells us that active listening is critical in building strong relationships. And this applies as much to your kids as it does to anyone else.
Active listening doesn’t just mean hearing what your child is saying. It means engaging with them, asking follow-up questions, and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.
This behavior does a couple of powerful things. It shows your child that their thoughts and feelings are valid and important. It also helps them feel understood and supported.
Practicing active listening can help your child develop confidence, emotional intelligence, and a strong sense of self-worth, all of which are key for success and happiness.
So next time your child wants to talk, try to really listen. It’s not just about the words they say, it’s about understanding their world.
2) They encourage independence
As a parent, I’ve found that one of the hardest things to do is to step back and let my child do something on their own, especially when I know I could do it quicker or better.
But psychology tells us that fostering independence in our children is crucial for their personal growth and development.
It was a tough lesson for me to learn when my daughter insisted on dressing herself for school. Her combinations of stripes, polka dots, and mismatched socks were… interesting, to say the least. But I learned to bite my tongue and let her be.
This simple act of allowing her to choose her own outfits, boosted her self-esteem and decision-making skills. And although her fashion sense might have raised a few eyebrows at the school gate, it taught her to be confident in her choices.
Encouraging independence doesn’t mean leaving your child to fend for themselves. It means providing support and guidance while giving them the space to learn, make mistakes, and grow from them. This is a crucial behavior for setting your child up for success and happiness.
3) They model resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and to keep going in the face of adversity. It’s a critical skill for success and happiness in life.
Research shows that children learn how to handle stress and adversity by watching their parents. More specifically, they observe how their parents react to stressful situations and then they imitate those behaviors.
So if you handle stress by yelling, slamming doors, or shutting down, your child is likely to do the same. But if you manage stress in healthy ways — by taking deep breaths, talking about your feelings, and problem-solving — your child will learn to do likewise.
Remember, kids are always watching and learning from us. So next time you’re faced with a challenge or setback, consider it an opportunity to teach your child about resilience. Your response could shape the way they handle adversity for the rest of their lives.
4) They set clear boundaries
Boundaries are essential in every relationship, and the relationship between a parent and a child is no exception.
Setting clear boundaries helps children understand what is expected of them. It provides a sense of security and predictability, which children thrive on.
But it’s not just about laying down the law. It’s about explaining why the boundaries exist and involving the child in the process. This helps them understand the reasoning behind the rules and encourages them to take ownership of their actions.
Boundaries should be fair, consistent, and age-appropriate. And remember, it’s not just about setting boundaries, but also about enforcing them consistently.
So next time your child pushes against a boundary, stay firm. It might cause some friction in the short term, but in the long run, it will help your child develop respect for rules and an understanding of consequences – both vital for success and happiness.
5) They show unconditional love
Every child needs to feel loved and valued, regardless of their behavior or achievements. This sense of unconditional love forms the foundation of a child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Showing unconditional love doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything your child does or says. It means loving them for who they are, not what they do. It means accepting them, flaws and all, and letting them know that your love for them will never waver.
Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect child (or a perfect parent). We all make mistakes. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. But knowing that you are loved, no matter what, provides a powerful sense of security and self-belief.
So tell your child that you love them often. Show them through your actions. And most importantly, let them know that your love is not dependent on their grades, their behavior, or their achievements. This is one of the most important gifts you can give your child – and it’s key to their long-term success and happiness.
6) They foster a growth mindset
I remember a time when my son came home from school feeling defeated after not making the school’s basketball team. He was ready to give up, saying he’s just not good at sports.
Rather than allowing him to wallow in self-pity, I explained the concept of a growth mindset — the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
I shared stories of successful athletes who didn’t make their school teams but went on to become professionals because they didn’t give up. I reminded him that everyone starts somewhere, and improvement comes with practice and perseverance.
Fast forward a few months, my son not only made the school’s soccer team but also became one of its best players.
By fostering a growth mindset, we can help our children see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as insurmountable obstacles. This mindset encourages resilience, persistence, and a love for learning — all crucial for success and happiness.
7) They prioritize their own self-care
As parents, we often put our children’s needs before our own. While this is natural and often necessary, it’s also important to remember that self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity.
When we neglect our own needs, we risk becoming stressed, burnt out, and less effective as parents. On the other hand, when we take care of ourselves — physically, mentally, and emotionally — we are better able to care for our children.
Moreover, by prioritizing self-care, we model healthy habits for our children. We show them the importance of taking care of their own physical and mental health.
So whether it’s taking time for exercise, ensuring you get enough sleep, or pursuing a hobby you love, remember that taking care of yourself is also a part of good parenting. It not only benefits you but also sets your child up for success and happiness.
8) They maintain a positive outlook
Life is full of ups and downs. But how we react to these highs and lows can significantly impact our children’s outlook on life.
Parents who maintain a positive attitude, even in tough times, teach their children to do the same. They show them that it’s okay to be upset or disappointed, but it’s also essential to find the silver lining and keep moving forward.
A positive outlook is more than just “looking on the bright side.” It’s about fostering hope, resilience, and optimism. These are vital skills that can set your child up for a lifetime of success and happiness.
Remember, your attitude towards life can significantly influence your child’s attitude. So strive to maintain a positive outlook, not just for yourself but also for your child. It could be one of the most important things you do as a parent.
Final Thought: It’s all about the journey
Raising children who are set up for success and happiness is not about a one-size-fits-all approach. Each child is unique, each family dynamic is different, and each parenting journey is its own.
Psychology gives us invaluable insights, backed up by research and years of study. It helps us understand how certain behaviors can nurture a child’s growth and development.
But remember, these behaviors are not a checklist to be ticked off. They are guidelines to help you on your parenting journey.
Embrace active listening, encourage independence, model resilience, set clear boundaries, show unconditional love, foster a growth mindset, prioritize self-care, and maintain a positive outlook.
Yet at the end of the day, remember that being a parent is all about love, understanding, patience and consistency. Success and happiness are not destinations but journeys that we embark upon with our children.
Your journey as a parent is unique. Treasure it. Learn from it. Grow with it. And in this journey, you’ll find that you’re not just raising successful and happy children; you’re growing with them too.
