- Tension: You sense something’s off about someone in your life, but you can’t pinpoint why.
- Noise: Society often equates niceness with goodness, leading us to overlook subtle behaviors that reveal a person’s true character.
- Direct Message: A genuinely good person consistently treats others with respect and empathy, regardless of personal gain. If someone only shows kindness when it benefits them, avoids responsibility, or derives pleasure from others’ failures, these are red flags. Recognizing these signs empowers you to set boundaries and protect your well-being.
This article follows the Direct Message methodology, designed to cut through the noise and reveal the deeper truths behind the stories we live.
Some people seem nice on the surface, but deep down, they’re not as good as they appear. It’s not always obvious at first, but over time, certain behaviors start to reveal their true character.
Psychology helps us understand the patterns that separate genuinely good people from those who only pretend to be. The difference often comes down to how they treat others when there’s nothing to gain.
If you’ve ever had a bad feeling about someone but couldn’t quite explain why, there are specific signs to look out for. Here are 9 signs someone is actually not a good person, according to psychology.
1) They only treat people well when they need something
A truly good person is kind and respectful to everyone, not just when it benefits them. But some people only show politeness or warmth when they want something from you.
Pay attention to how they treat those who can’t offer them anything—like waiters, cashiers, or even strangers. If someone is only nice when they need a favor but dismissive or rude otherwise, it’s a red flag.
Psychology suggests that consistent behavior across different situations is a strong indicator of character. If someone’s kindness disappears the moment they have nothing to gain, they might not be as good as they seem.
2) They never take responsibility for their actions
I once had a friend who always had an excuse for everything. If they were late, it was because of traffic. If they forgot something important, it was because no one reminded them. And if they hurt someone’s feelings, well, that person was just being too sensitive.
At first, I didn’t think much of it. But over time, I realized they never actually took responsibility for anything. They would shift blame, make excuses, or even twist the situation to make themselves the victim.
Psychology tells us that taking responsibility is a sign of emotional maturity. When someone refuses to own up to their mistakes, it suggests a lack of accountability—and that’s not a great sign of good character.
3) They enjoy other people’s failures
Some people don’t just ignore others’ successes—they seem to take pleasure in their failures. Whether it’s a coworker messing up a project or a friend going through a tough time, they find a way to feel superior instead of offering support.
This behavior is linked to something called “schadenfreude,” a German word that describes the satisfaction some people get from others’ misfortunes. Studies have shown that people who frequently experience schadenfreude often struggle with insecurity or even narcissistic traits.
A good person lifts others up, even when they have nothing to gain. If someone constantly finds joy in watching others fail, it says more about them than the people they’re laughing at.
4) They constantly gossip about others
Talking about people isn’t always a bad thing, but there’s a difference between harmless conversation and constant gossip. Some people seem to thrive on spreading rumors, judging others, or sharing private details that aren’t theirs to tell.
Psychologists suggest that excessive gossiping can be a sign of low self-esteem or a need for control. By putting others down, these individuals try to make themselves feel more important. But in reality, it just shows a lack of respect and integrity.
A good rule of thumb? If someone regularly talks negatively about others behind their backs, chances are they do the same to you when you’re not around.
5) They never genuinely celebrate your success
A good person is happy when others succeed, even if there’s nothing in it for them. But some people struggle to show genuine happiness for others’ achievements. Instead of celebrating with you, they downplay your success, change the subject, or even make passive-aggressive remarks.
Psychologists refer to this as “tall poppy syndrome,” where people feel the need to cut others down when they rise too high. This often comes from jealousy or insecurity, making it hard for them to appreciate someone else’s accomplishments.
True friends and good people don’t see success as a competition. If someone can’t be happy for you when things go well, it may be a sign they’re not as supportive as they seem.
6) They lack empathy for others
One of the clearest signs of a good person is their ability to care about how others feel. When someone lacks empathy, they dismiss people’s emotions, minimize their struggles, or even mock their pain.
Everyone goes through difficult moments, and sometimes, all we need is for someone to listen and understand. But when a person shows no interest in the feelings of others—when they act like emotions are a burden rather than something to be respected—it creates distance and distrust.
Empathy is what connects us as human beings. Without it, relationships become one-sided, and kindness starts to feel like a transaction rather than something sincere. A person who consistently lacks empathy isn’t just cold—they may not be as good-hearted as they seem.
7) They make you feel bad about yourself
Some people have a way of making you second-guess yourself. It’s not always obvious at first—it can come in the form of small, offhand comments, subtle criticisms, or jokes that don’t feel like jokes. Over time, you start to notice that being around them leaves you feeling worse about yourself.
Good people encourage and uplift others. They don’t take pleasure in making someone feel small or insecure. But when someone constantly points out your flaws, dismisses your achievements, or makes you feel like you’re never quite enough, it’s not just harmless teasing—it’s a pattern.
No one deserves to be surrounded by people who chip away at their confidence. If someone consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, it might be time to ask yourself why they’re in your life at all.
8) They only reach out when they need something
Friendship and kindness should never be one-sided. But some people only seem to show up when they need a favor, disappearing the moment things are going well for you. They rarely check in just to see how you’re doing, and when they do reach out, there’s always an ask attached.
This kind of behavior isn’t just inconsiderate—it’s transactional. Psychology suggests that strong relationships are built on mutual support, not convenience. When someone only values you for what you can do for them, rather than who you are, it’s a sign they don’t truly care.
A good person makes time for others simply because they want to, not because they need something in return.
9) They make you question your worth
The people we surround ourselves with should make us feel valued, respected, and appreciated. But some individuals have a way of making you feel like you’re not good enough—like your opinions don’t matter, your feelings are too much, or your dreams are unrealistic.
Whether it’s through constant criticism, dismissiveness, or subtle manipulation, they create an environment where you start doubting yourself. Over time, you might even begin to believe that the problem is you.
But it’s not. A truly good person will never make you feel unworthy of kindness, respect, or love.
