Have you ever been in a situation where you felt completely overwhelmed, only for a friend or colleague to say just the right thing?
Maybe they offered a supportive hug, asked you a few gentle questions, or simply stayed quiet and held space while you let it all out.
Individuals who excel at comforting others seem to have a knack for knowing exactly what’s needed in that moment, don’t they?
In my years of working in digital communications—where I dealt with plenty of stressed-out coworkers—and later transitioning into writing and exploring psychological insights, I’ve seen that comforting others is more than just a nice trait.
It’s a skill set. Those who do it well often display very specific emotional strengths.
Let’s dive into seven key emotional skills I’ve consistently observed in people who genuinely excel at offering comfort and support.
1. Genuine empathy
I know, I know—empathy is a buzzword nowadays. But it’s a buzzword for a good reason.
To me, empathy is the ability to truly step into someone else’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling, or at least do your best to understand it.
When people sense that you’re making an effort to see the world through their lens, they’re more likely to open up and trust you.
Think about the last time you were upset. Did you want someone to magically fix your problem, or did you just want someone to acknowledge how you felt?
Most of the time, it’s the latter. People who are great at comforting others tend to stay away from jumping straight into solutions. Instead, they focus on validating feelings first.
As Sheryl Sandberg once said, “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”
Her words ring true in the realm of empathy. When we become aware of someone else’s emotional experience—when we take the time to notice their body language, tone of voice, and subtle cues—our ability to offer meaningful comfort skyrockets.
2. Attentive listening
You might be tempted to file this under “obvious,” but active, attentive listening is rarer than it sounds. How often do we catch ourselves half-listening while mentally preparing what we’re going to say next?
It happens to all of us, and it’s one of the main reasons people walk away feeling unheard.
True comforters set aside their own thoughts for a moment and give the other person the floor. They maintain eye contact, they nod, they use little verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That sounds tough,” and they resist the urge to interrupt.
All these cues show the speaker that they have your full attention.
In fact, a 2018 study from Wright State University found that practicing active listening skills—like repeating back what you heard and asking clarifying questions—significantly improved relationship satisfaction.
That’s a fancy way of saying: if you want people to feel better after confiding in you, listen to them closely, let them finish their sentences, and paraphrase what they said to ensure understanding.
It may sound basic, but it goes a long way.
3. Emotional regulation
Ever tried to confide in someone who freaked out more than you did? It can be the worst. Picture this: You’re telling a friend about a conflict at work, and suddenly they’re cursing your boss or panicking over potential worst-case scenarios.
By the end of that conversation, you’re both anxious—maybe even more so than when you started.
People who are good at comforting others tend to have a handle on their own emotional state, even under stress. They can be present for you without getting swept up in your storm of emotions.
It’s like they provide a safe harbor: you can dock your troubles there for a moment, knowing they won’t judge or escalate the situation.
Personally, I learned this lesson the hard way. A few years ago, my son had a health scare. As a single mom, I was stressed to the max.
I called a friend for comfort, and before I knew it, she was panicking about all the possible outcomes. Rather than calming me, she inadvertently added fuel to my worries.
That experience really drove home the importance of emotional regulation. If we want to comfort effectively, we need to keep our own anxieties in check, so we can provide the steadiness others are looking for.
4. Openness to vulnerability
Let’s face it: it’s hard to be vulnerable with someone who seems closed off. True comforters often lead by example. They’re not afraid to admit their own faults or bring up times they faced similar struggles.
This doesn’t mean they shift the conversation to be all about them. Rather, they use their own experiences to show understanding and to create a space where real talk is welcome.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received came from a mentor who said, “Vulnerability invites vulnerability.” She was right. If we want to comfort someone, we have to be willing to meet them on an authentic level.
That might mean sharing a brief anecdote about when we faced a similar fear, or acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers either.
On a personal note, you might have read my post on finding authentic connections even when life feels chaotic. I touched on the power of vulnerability there.
By admitting your own emotional scars, you help others feel safe to reveal theirs—creating a comforting connection that feels genuine rather than forced.
5. Non-judgmental acceptance
Imagine you’re pouring your heart out about a mistake you made. If the person you’re talking to starts lecturing you about what you should’ve done differently, or shows disapproval, it can feel like a slap in the face.
Suddenly, you regret sharing at all.
A key emotional skill among great comforters is withholding judgment. Instead of focusing on how someone “should” or “shouldn’t” feel, they focus on how the person does feel.
They don’t try to rank your sadness on a scale of one to ten or compare it to bigger issues. They simply recognize that you’re hurting, and that’s enough reason to offer support.
Stephen Covey once noted, “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down and positive energy replaces it.” I love that concept of “defensive energy” dropping.
Being non-judgmental is a fast way to diffuse someone’s anxiety. If they sense they won’t be scolded or looked down upon, they’ll likely open up more, giving you the chance to offer genuine comfort.
6. Hopeful reframing
Some people call this “silver lining syndrome,” and they mean it negatively, as if you’re brushing off genuine pain.
But that’s not what great comforters do. Rather, they offer a measured dose of optimism—enough to help you see there might be a way forward, but not so much that they discount the weight of your feelings.
Comforters understand that being hopeful isn’t about dismissing what’s wrong; it’s about believing that this tough situation can be navigated.
Maybe you’ve been there before—ever had a friend who just said, “I believe in you” at exactly the right moment? That small but sincere statement could shift your perspective and remind you of your own resilience.
I remember one particularly stressful day at my old job. I’d messed up an important email campaign (it went out to 5,000 customers with a broken link—yikes!).
My immediate instinct was to catastrophize: I’ll never live this down, I’ll lose my credibility, and so on. A coworker said, “You can fix this.
Let’s figure out the best apology approach, and then we’ll move on.” That brief statement of hope was a game-changer for me—I stopped panicking and started problem-solving.
7. Consistency and follow-through
Lastly—but definitely not least—people who excel at comforting others don’t just pop up in the moment, say a few nice words, and disappear.
They check in later to see how you’re doing. They remember what you told them. They bring it up again in a way that shows they genuinely care and didn’t just say so to be polite.
This kind of consistency sends a clear message: “I truly care about your well-being.” And nothing is more comforting than knowing you’re not alone in your struggles.
When someone circles back with a “How are you feeling now?” or a “Did you manage to have that tough conversation?”, it can make all the difference.
Research by the American Psychological Association suggests that ongoing social support is critical for resilience. In other words, it’s not only about that initial act of comfort. The real magic is in the follow-up that helps someone feel supported over the long haul.
Wrapping up
We’ve all been on the receiving end of a much-needed word of comfort.
Sometimes, that solace comes from a loved one who displays an uncanny ability to be patient, empathetic, and uplifting all at once.
Other times, it might come from a near stranger who offers a small gesture of kindness that completely changes our day.
The good news is that these skills aren’t reserved for a special few. Like any emotional or interpersonal skill, they can be learned and cultivated—yes, even if you’ve felt awkward or insensitive in the past.
By embracing empathy, listening attentively, keeping your own emotions in check, staying vulnerable yet non-judgmental, adding a dash of hope, and showing up consistently, you can become that person others turn to when they need comfort.
Here at DM News, we’re all about personal growth in every area of life—be it career, relationships, or just daily mindfulness. These seven emotional skills might seem like small acts, but trust me, they create a ripple effect of warmth and trust wherever you go.
So the next time someone confides in you, think about these pointers. Practice leaning into your empathy, keeping judgment at bay, and offering genuine reassurance.
You never know the difference you could make in someone else’s life—and in your own journey toward becoming more compassionate, supportive, and emotionally savvy.
