There’s a significant distinction between being a parent and being a parent that your children genuinely admire.
The crux lies in understanding. Parenting isn’t about imposing your will, but rather guiding your children to make the best choices for themselves.
We all want our children to love us as they grow older, and saying goodbye to certain behaviors can help bridge that gap.
If you’re ready to make some changes and deepen those family bonds, stick around. I’m about to share 8 behaviors you need to let go of if you want your children to love you more as you age. Let’s dive right in!
1) Stop playing the blame game
It’s a common human tendency to deflect blame when things go awry. However, to foster a healthy relationship with your children, it’s critical to take responsibility for your actions.
Children, just like adults, appreciate honesty and integrity. They can sense when you’re being genuine and when you’re trying to pin the blame on others or circumstances.
Remember, you’re their role model. They learn from how you react in difficult situations. If you constantly shift the blame onto others, they’ll likely do the same.
So if you want your children to love and respect you more as you age, it’s time to say goodbye to the blame game. Admit when you’re wrong, apologize if necessary and show them that it’s okay to make mistakes.
But remember, it’s not just about words – your actions matter too. So make sure your behavior matches your words.
2) Ditch the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ mentality
We’ve all heard this phrase before, and as a parent, I’ve been guilty of slipping into this mindset myself.
I remember there was a time when I’d tell my kids to limit their screen time, but then I’d be glued to my phone or laptop for hours. It didn’t take long for me to realize the hypocrisy in my actions.
Kids are like sponges; they absorb everything around them. They pay more attention to what you do than what you say. So if your actions contradict your words, they’ll notice.
Once I realized this, I made a conscious effort to limit my own screen time and engage more with my children — physically and emotionally. The positive change in our relationship was immediate and profound.
So if you want your children to love you more as you age, ensure that your actions align with your words. Be the person you want them to become. It’s not easy, but trust me, it’s worth it.
3) Say goodbye to overprotectiveness
While it’s natural for parents to want to shield their children from harm, overprotection can often do more harm than good. In fact, studies have shown that overprotective parenting can lead to children developing anxiety, depression, and difficulties in problem-solving later in life.
Children need the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn from them. This not only helps them develop essential life skills but also fosters independence and resilience.
So instead of hovering over your children’s every move, give them the space they need to grow. Guide them when necessary, but let them figure things out on their own too. This balance will not only contribute towards their holistic growth but also deepen their love and respect for you as they age.
4) Avoid unnecessary criticism
There’s a fine line between constructive feedback and unnecessary criticism. The latter can have a negative impact on a child’s self-esteem and confidence, making them feel unloved or inadequate.
As parents, we might often find ourselves pointing out what our children are doing wrong. While it is important to correct their mistakes, it is equally important to appreciate their efforts and achievements.
Try focusing on the positives and celebrating their successes, no matter how small they may seem. This not only boosts their confidence but also reinforces the positive behaviors.
Remember, your words hold great power. Use them wisely to build up your children, not tear them down. This will nurture a strong bond of love and respect that will only grow stronger as you age.
5) Bid farewell to conditional love
Love is the bedrock of any relationship, especially the one between a parent and a child. But the moment love becomes conditional, it starts to lose its essence.
Your children need to know that your love for them is unwavering, irrespective of their achievements, behavior, or decisions. They need to feel loved for who they are, not what they do.
I’ve seen parents who only express love when their child brings home an A on their report card or scores the winning goal. But what happens when they fail? They need your love and support even more during those times.
So make it a point to express your love unconditionally. Let your children know that you’re always there for them, in success and in failure. This will not only foster a deep sense of security in them but also make your bond stronger and more enduring.
6) Abandon the comparison trap
Every child is unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. It’s crucial to understand and embrace this fact.
I remember a time when my eldest son was struggling with mathematics. I found myself comparing him to his younger sister, who seemed to grasp mathematical concepts with ease. It was an unfair comparison that didn’t do any good.
The comparison only led to feelings of resentment and inadequacy in my son. It took me time to realize that each child learns at their own pace and in their own way.
Once I stopped comparing and started supporting, I saw a significant improvement not just in my son’s academic performance but also in our relationship.
So, it’s essential to let go of comparisons and focus on nurturing each child’s unique abilities. This will help build a stronger bond of love and respect between you and your children.
7) Quit being a ‘fixer’
It’s natural for parents to want to solve their children’s problems. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back and let them figure things out on their own.
Problem-solving is a crucial life skill. When you rush in to ‘fix’ everything, you inadvertently rob your children of the opportunity to learn and grow.
Instead, guide your children towards finding solutions and be there to support them through the process. This doesn’t mean you leave them to struggle alone; it simply means empowering them to make decisions and handle challenges.
By doing so, you’ll not only help them become more independent and resilient, but also deepen their love and respect for you as they grow older.
8) Let go of unrealistic expectations
Setting high expectations can sometimes do more harm than good. It can put undue pressure on your children, making them feel like they constantly need to prove their worth.
Your children are not a reflection of your dreams and aspirations. They have their own paths to explore and discover.
Instead of setting the bar unrealistically high, encourage them to set their own goals and support them in achieving those. Celebrate their progress, even if it’s not as fast or as grand as you had hoped.
This understanding and acceptance will not only make your children feel valued and loved but will also strengthen your bond with them as you age.
