We’ve all been there—something feels off in a relationship, but it’s hard to put your finger on exactly what’s wrong.
Maybe you walk away from conversations feeling guilty or confused, or maybe you start to doubt your own instincts.
After years of working with individuals and couples, I’ve come to recognize certain patterns that go beyond simple misunderstandings. They’re classic signs of emotional manipulation.
Here at DM News, we’re all about empowering you with knowledge and tools to safeguard your mental and emotional health.
We believe it’s important to bring these behaviors into the light, because once you see them clearly, you can take steps to protect your well-being. Here are seven things to watch out for.
1. They twist your words
Has someone ever repeated your own words back to you in a completely different context? One minute, you’re calmly explaining your perspective, and the next, you hear your statement again—only now it sounds harsh or accusatory.
Manipulators often do this to shift blame and sow confusion. They’ll cherry-pick what you said and exaggerate it, leaving you feeling like you have to defend yourself against something you never actually said.
A client once told me she felt like she was living in a funhouse of words. Every time she expressed her frustrations to her partner, he would present her concerns as outrageous demands. Slowly but surely, she started believing she was being unreasonable.
If you catch yourself constantly retracing your sentences to see where the conversation went wrong, it’s a red flag. Healthy communication should clarify—not distort—what you’re trying to say.
2. They guilt-trip you
In my counseling practice, I’ve seen guilt-tripping used as a weapon to manipulate everything from finances to social plans.
It might sound like, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” or “I guess I’m just not important enough to be a priority.”
On the surface, these phrases might seem like pleas for sympathy. In reality, they’re a manipulator’s method of pulling your emotional strings to get what they want.
If you start feeling guilty for having your own opinions, needs, or boundaries, it’s worth taking a step back.
A healthy relationship can handle a difference of perspective without one person constantly feeling indebted to the other.
It’s not your responsibility to carry someone else’s emotional burden just because they’re unwilling to have a direct conversation about how they feel.
3. They isolate you from other relationships
Often, emotional manipulators attempt to cut off your connections so they can have more control over you.
It’s not always obvious at first; it can be as subtle as them criticizing your friends or family, or throwing a fit whenever you plan social outings without them.
Before you know it, you might find yourself backing out of gatherings just to keep the peace.
This is backed by experts like Dr. Harriet Braiker, who has written about how emotional blackmail can include tactics to remove a person’s support network.
If you catch yourself making excuses for why you “can’t” see your friends or talk to a sibling as often, pause and think about whether someone else’s discomfort is fueling your isolation.
It’s one thing for a partner to express concerns about the people in your life; it’s entirely different if they’re actively discouraging you from reaching out.
4. They gaslight you
“Gaslighting” is a term that’s become pretty mainstream, but I still see confusion around what it actually means.
To be clear, it’s not just lying or denying the truth; it’s systematically making you doubt your own reality and memories.
For example, you might distinctly remember an event happening one way, only to have your partner insist—over and over—that it happened differently. After a while, you may start questioning your sanity or wondering if you’re just too sensitive.
I’ve helped clients who were so deep in gaslighting cycles they genuinely believed they couldn’t trust their own minds.
One woman told me, “I think I’m losing it.” She wasn’t. She was being manipulated to feel that way.
Gaslighting is especially harmful because it undermines your sense of self. If you’re constantly told that your experiences are invalid or “all in your head,” you lose the very foundation upon which healthy self-esteem is built.
5. They weaponize affection and approval
When you’re dealing with an emotional manipulator, love, praise, or affection might feel conditional.
One day they shower you with adoration, and the next, they withdraw completely if you do something they dislike. It can be small—like refusing to hold your hand or answer your texts—or it can escalate to withholding serious emotional support when you truly need it.
I mention this concept in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. While codependency and manipulation are not exactly the same, I’ve seen them overlap.
When someone dangles affection like a prize you need to “win,” you can get trapped in a cycle of trying to please them at all costs.
That’s a telltale sign that something’s not right, because real emotional support shouldn’t be a reward for good behavior—it should be a given in a loving relationship.
6. They make you feel like you have to prove yourself
Have you ever heard statements like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me…”? Or maybe something more subtle, like, “I guess I just care more than you do.”
These kinds of remarks may seem emotional or even vulnerable on the surface—but they often carry an unspoken message: You’re not enough unless you meet my conditions.
A manipulator might create constant “tests” for you to pass—seeing how far you’ll go to show your loyalty or devotion. But you should never have to be subjected to that.
In healthy relationships, love and care aren’t tests to pass. You shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly auditioning for someone’s approval.
When a partner keeps moving the goalposts or makes you feel like your worth depends on what you can do for them, it creates an uneven power dynamic.
Over time, that need to prove yourself can wear you down, making you doubt your instincts, your values, and even your self-worth.
Real connection is built on mutual respect and security—not on performance.
7. They always shift blame
Finally, shifting blame is one of the most common tactics of emotional manipulators.
You bring up a concern—like how they constantly show up late or ignore your texts—and somehow, by the end of the conversation, you’re apologizing to them.
They’ll say things like, “I was only late because you always take so long to decide what you want,” or, “If you weren’t so needy, I wouldn’t have to ignore your messages.”
If you realize every conflict ends with you second-guessing yourself, you might be caught in a blame-shifting cycle.
Healthy partners acknowledge their part in a disagreement and work toward a solution. Manipulators deflect or spin the situation until you feel you’re at fault for having a perfectly valid concern.
That’s a huge red flag—and it can be quite a mind-bender.
Final thoughts
It’s important to recognize that each of these behaviors can also show up independently in relationships that aren’t necessarily manipulative or abusive.
After all, people have off days. But when you see a consistent pattern of any of these behaviors, it’s time to pay attention.
At the end of the day, emotional manipulation chips away at your sense of self and your ability to make decisions that feel right for you.
If any of these signs ring alarm bells, consider talking with a professional—be it a counselor, a trusted mentor, or someone you feel safe confiding in. No one deserves to live under the weight of manipulation.
Take that first step and seek help if you need it. You’re not being dramatic or overly sensitive—you’re standing up for your well-being, and that is always worth it.
