There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing. Sometimes, the things we reveal about ourselves can have a bigger impact than we think.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and an enthusiast of all things mindfulness. I believe that managing our personal information is an essential part of maintaining our reputation.
There are certain things that should remain private, not because they are embarrassing or shameful, but simply because they are personal. We all have secrets, and it’s important to discern which ones to keep and which ones to share.
In this piece, I’ll be sharing 9 things you should never, ever disclose about yourself if you want to preserve your reputation. These aren’t necessarily dark secrets but rather facets of your life that aren’t necessary for everyone to know.
Let’s dive in and learn how to balance transparency while keeping our reputation intact.
1) Your income
First up on the list is a topic many of us tend to avoid in polite conversation: our income.
Discussing how much you earn can often lead to unnecessary comparisons and competition. It’s a sensitive topic that can easily create tension or resentment among friends, family, or colleagues.
It used to be common practice to keep salary information private, and while transparency about pay gaps and income inequality is important in certain discussions and contexts, revealing your personal income isn’t always the best move.
After all, your worth isn’t defined by the figures in your bank account. Sharing your income won’t necessarily help you build stronger relationships or enhance your reputation. In fact, it might do just the opposite.
When it comes to preserving your reputation, it’s generally best to keep your financial details under wraps.
2) Past mistakes
We’ve all made mistakes. I’m no exception. Once, during a motivational talk in front of a large audience, I shared a personal story about a significant mistake I made early in my career. I thought it would be a good way to connect with the audience, to show them that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay.
However, the aftermath was unexpected. Instead of appreciating my honesty, some people started questioning my competence and credibility, focusing more on the mistake itself rather than the lesson learned from it.
This taught me a valuable lesson: while it’s important to acknowledge our mistakes and learn from them, broadcasting them to the world isn’t always beneficial. It can give people an opportunity to doubt your abilities or question your judgment.
While honesty is important, discretion about some past mistakes can be a key factor in maintaining your reputation.
3) Your personal grudges
Harboring a grudge can be like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go – it’s tiring, burdensome, and it doesn’t really serve any purpose. But did you know that holding onto resentment can also negatively impact your health? Studies have shown that long-term stress from grudges can increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.
Sharing your personal grudges with others, especially in a public or professional setting, doesn’t usually end well. It can portray you as unforgiving or bitter, and may cause others to tread lightly around you for fear of becoming your next grudge.
Instead of broadcasting your resentments, try addressing the issue directly with the person involved or seeking advice on how to let go of the grudge. This approach is not only healthier for you but also helps maintain your reputation as someone who is mature and forgiving.
4) Your ego’s desires
In Buddhism, the concept of ‘Anatta’ or ‘non-self’ teaches us that ego is an illusion, and clinging to this illusion can lead to suffering. The desire for praise, recognition or power is often linked to the ego asserting itself.
I’ve seen many people fall into the trap of revealing their ego-driven desires, only to come across as self-absorbed or power-hungry. This can significantly damage their reputation and relationships.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into understanding the concept of ‘Anatta’, and how letting go of these ego-driven desires can lead to a more fulfilling life.
By keeping your ego’s desires under wraps and focusing more on humility, empathy, and service, you not only align yourself with the principles of Buddhism but also maintain a reputation that is respected and admired by others.
5) Your deepest fears
I’ve always had a fear of failure. It’s something that has often held me back, making me hesitate before taking on new challenges or stepping out of my comfort zone. Revealing this fear to others, however, hasn’t always had the effect I hoped for.
Instead of expressing understanding or empathy, some people have used this knowledge to belittle my efforts or even exploit my insecurity. This has sometimes led to a shift in dynamics, creating an environment where I felt less respected and valued.
While it’s important to confront and work through our fears, sharing them with everyone may not always be beneficial. Your deepest fears are personal and revealing them can make you vulnerable to those who might misuse this information.
6) Your level of preparation
It’s often assumed that sharing how much preparation or effort you’ve put into something is a good thing. It shows commitment, dedication and hard work, right? However, sometimes revealing just how much you’ve prepared can have the opposite effect.
Imagine you’re about to give a presentation. You might think that telling your audience how you spent countless sleepless nights preparing for it would impress them. But in reality, it might make them expect an extraordinary performance and set a bar that’s hard to meet.
By revealing your level of preparation, you can unintentionally create high expectations that could lead to disappointment. Instead, let your work speak for itself. Show your dedication and hard work through your performance, not your words.
This way, you can surprise and impress people with your results, rather than setting them up with high expectations.
7) Personal conflicts
Personal conflicts, be it with a friend, family member, or colleague, are something that we all experience from time to time. However, spreading these conflicts further by talking about them to others can quickly harm your reputation.
When we share our conflicts, it’s often easy to paint ourselves as the victim and the other party as the perpetrator. But remember, every story has two sides. By sharing only your perspective, you might come off as biased or even petty.
Moreover, it puts the people you’re sharing with in an uncomfortable position. They might feel obligated to take sides or become unnecessarily involved in a conflict that isn’t theirs.
To maintain your reputation, it’s best to keep personal conflicts private. Address the issue directly with the person involved and seek resolution rather than involving others who aren’t part of the problem.
8) Your personal life’s every detail
As someone who loves mindfulness and cherishes private moments, I’ve often found that there’s an inexplicable beauty in maintaining a certain level of mystery.
In today’s age of social media and online sharing, it’s easy to fall into the trap of revealing every single detail of your personal life. From what you had for breakfast to the movie you watched last night, every trivial detail can be broadcasted to the world. But is that really necessary?
Sharing every aspect of your life can make you seem overly self-centered or even boring. It leaves little room for intrigue and discovery. After all, if someone already knows every detail about you, what is left to learn or explore?
Having a private life doesn’t mean you’re hiding something; it simply means not everything requires an audience.
9) Your future plans
We all have goals and dreams for the future. However, sharing these plans prematurely can sometimes backfire. Revealing your future plans can lead to unsolicited advice, criticism, or even someone else taking your idea and running with it before you get a chance to.
On a deeper level, research has shown that talking about your goals gives you a sense of satisfaction similar to actually achieving them, which may reduce your motivation to work towards them.
Protect your dreams and plans until they’re solid enough to stand up to the scrutiny of others. This way, you maintain control over your own narrative and keep your reputation intact.
Final thoughts: It’s all about balance
Navigating the line of personal disclosure is a delicate dance. It’s all about finding the right balance between sharing and maintaining privacy, a balance that respects both your individuality and your reputation.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore the concept of balance in various aspects of life, including communication. It’s about understanding when to speak up and when to remain silent, when to share and when to hold back.
Remember, your reputation is an extension of yourself. It’s not just about what you say or do, but also about what you choose not to reveal. Sometimes, keeping certain aspects of your life private can speak volumes about your character and integrity.
In the end, it’s not about hiding or being secretive; it’s about understanding that not everything requires an audience. By choosing wisely what to reveal about yourself, you can maintain a strong, respectable reputation while still being true to who you are.
So, take some time for introspection. Reflect on these points and consider how they apply to your own life. After all, maintaining a good reputation is a continuous journey of self-awareness and mindful sharing.
